By Lex September 29, 2015 @ 12:36 PM
Girls have been marrying dudes who remind them of their dad forever now. Especially their dead dads since dead dads are awesome and without flaw and would’ve shown up to all your recitals and events had they not been dead. Marrying a dude who looks just like your dad is something different. People are gonna talk. Frances Bean Cobain was only a toddler when her dad put a gun in his mouth to make Courtney Love’s voice finally stop squealing in his head. Not old enough to have sexualized any fantasies about a guy who looks like her dad. Still, she is fucking and marrying a dude who’s in a band and looks a lot like her father did about the same age. Somebody needs to say something untoward.
Courtney Love played off the news that her daughter didn’t invite her to her wedding by pretending it was a fairly normal thing. Which it is, when your mom has ruined every single event in your life by getting super high and trying to fuck somebody inappropriate. In this case, that would have been your new husband. You can’t blame mom entirely this time. Even without any coke and vodka, he does look a lot like her former husband. Let’s circle back when there’s a death and pretend we didn’t see it coming.
By Lex June 25, 2015 @ 11:39 AM
Courtney Love may not be a trained journalist, or ever sober, so like the majority of TV news reporters. Love was caught up in the violent protest in Paris between Uber drivers and French cabbies so disgusted by the fetid smell of their armpits in short sleeve dress shirts that they took to the streets to beat the crap out of their competition. The Uber app has been outlawed in most major French cities because it represents progress and savvy capitalism and a bunch of other things despised in France. Uber drivers are working around the system and still picking up passengers in Paris. Like Courtney Love, whose Uber car was attacked on her way to get drugs in the no-go Muslim zones, though she called it the airport for short.
It’s unclear why Love called out to Kanye West for help, only that it’s one of the determinants on a 5150 application. She was later rescued by two gay dudes on motorcycles who might be straight, but French, so I can’t be blamed for making the mistake. They have gay helmets.
Photo Credit: Instagram/INF
By Lex June 01, 2015 @ 1:21 PM
It only takes a few minutes of Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain drug induced bathroom home movies to understand why both of them tried really hard to die, one being more generally successful. If you can get past the blistering sore covered body of Cobain, you bear witness to a wife that watched Sid and Nancy and saw Nancy as the soft spoken heroine. Not heroin. Can you really become so fucked up on drugs before death that Courtney Love seems like a good idea? I’m pretty much shit-faced by four cocktails so I only make short term bad decisions that are usually over with by the next morning. This kind of Taliban poppy shit just inches you closer and closer to the airplane propeller which you mistake for a cool breeze. Jesus, somebody make it go away. I’m writing a thank you card to all the women I’ve ever been with for not being pock marked and completely unglued. Chick who lit my favorite sneakers on fire because I showed up late one evening without calling, I’m sorry. You were relatively awesome.
Photo/Video Credit: “Montage Of Heck” HBO
By Matt May 11, 2015 @ 6:19 AM
Courtney Love further proved she is Satan’s lazy sister by not paying her psychiatrist for a balance owed of nearly fifty thousand dollars. If she explains herself it will prove the guy’s overcharging. Five sessions at 10k a pop and you still look and sound like a crack whore in a free clinic waiting room. She was likely just using the dude for the prescription depressants to mix into her morning cocktail and stray beard hairs. You can’t fix nasty. The doctor is known to use psychedelic drugs in an attempt to cure heroin addiction. Love has tried Jack Daniels and more heroin so a few shrooms can’t hurt. Problem is you aren’t hallucinating and are in fact Courtney Love. Drink lots of water. There’s a cool view from that ledge over there. I’m sure you can make it.
Photo Credit: Twitter
By Matt January 29, 2015 @ 6:33 AM
Courtney Love has both affirmed and denied using heroin while pregnant with her daughter Francis Bean Cobain in the past, the contradictions most likely stemming from brain damage due to heroin use. In the new documentary Kurt Cobain: Montage of Heck, Love hedges her bets:
“I used it once, then stopped. I knew she would be fine.”
Using heroin once most likely doesn’t mean one time but several months of watching the ceiling fan while experiencing the joy of becoming a mother. I heard when you’re expecting you tend to vomit a lot and see the devil in the mirror. Sometimes you even crave marshmallows or more smack. Luckily Love was an expert in the field of pre-natal care and knew beyond a reasonable doubt that a bout of heroin use can’t harm the miracle inside you. It’s basic science. Her daughter seems fine. Fuck it break out the needles and rack some lines at your shower. It ain’t contagious like the measles. Courtney Love says thumbs up.
Photo Credit: Twitter
By Matt September 12, 2014 @ 6:08 AM
Some guy was hired to record a Hole performance four years ago, but nobody had any use for the recording because a live Hole performance vanishes into the ether once the interested twelve year olds get picked up by their parents. He recently isolated Courtney’s guitar and vocal tracks, which sound like a raccoon gnawing through chicken wire to eat a pile of shit. Its an assault on taste that you would think was fake if it were anyone less horrendously poserish and awful than Courtney Love, but the guy swears by it:
“To address the most obvious, inevitable question that I will be asked…this is not fake. Whether you think she’s the worst or this just makes her all the more ‘punk rock’ is for you to decide. I’m merely presenting the facts as they are. Make of them what you will.”
I’m making that Cobain must have been mentally gone to stick his dick in that chick, let alone give her the scraps from his wastebasket. If there was ever any doubt that Love was fucking terrible, this should settle it forever. I’d rather listen to Kurt shit ramen into a tambourine than this fucking costumed fake.