Courtney Love Sucks

By Matt September 12, 2014 @ 6:08 AM

Some guy was hired to record a Hole performance four years ago, but nobody had any use for the recording because a live Hole performance vanishes into the ether once the interested twelve year olds get picked up by their parents. He recently isolated Courtney’s guitar and vocal tracks, which sound like a raccoon gnawing through chicken wire to eat a pile of shit. Its an assault on taste that you would think was fake if it were anyone less horrendously poserish and awful than Courtney Love, but the guy swears by it:

“To address the most obvious, inevitable question that I will be asked…this is not fake. Whether you think she’s the worst or this just makes her all the more ‘punk rock’ is for you to decide. I’m merely presenting the facts as they are. Make of them what you will.”

I’m making that Cobain must have been mentally gone to stick his dick in that chick, let alone give her the scraps from his wastebasket. If there was ever any doubt that Love was fucking terrible, this should settle it forever. I’d rather listen to Kurt shit ramen into a tambourine than this fucking costumed fake.

Courtney Love Seems Super Not Happy

By Matt June 24, 2014 @ 9:48 AM

Courtney Love

Courtney Love claims Kurt Cobain wanted to be famous really badly. His anti-social traveler persona was just a cover. It’s hard to understand why Courtney Love would be trashing the legend of her dead husband unless you take into account that Courtney Love is an unhappy drug addict.

He wrote to every major [and] minor label, ‘We’ll pay. Let us be on your label.’ He was desperate to be the biggest rock star in the world.

Guy in unknown rock band tries to get noticed any way he can. That is pretty fucking unusual. If only everybody could surf to stardom on the wake of their tragically dead husband. There’s that Brady Law gun control woman, you, and Ariana Huffington, and Ariana’s husband isn’t really dead. He just said he was gay so he could get away from her frightening eyebrows. If Courtney really wanted to damage Kurt’s rep, she could just remind people that he was dumb enough to marry her, stick his dick in her teeming Petri dish, and bind himself to her for a lifetime.

Photo Credit: Instagram, Getty

Courtney Love Can Still Score With the Boys

By Lex May 13, 2014 @ 1:35 PM

Courtney Love Shows Off Her Cleavage Out With A Young Man In London
There will never come a day when Courtney Love is not showing off her tits and hanging out with young men in foreign locales. It will just get progressively harder to watch.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

Courtney Love Thinks She Still Has It (VIDEO)

By Travis May 07, 2014 @ 9:00 AM

Courtney Love is so excited to be getting back to her rocker roots and doing what she loves, according to her description for this unbearable new shrieking throat diarrhea she calls “You Know My Name.” In the video, Courtney tries to recapture that brief period of success that she enjoyed as Kurt Cobain’s wife, when people thought that since he was making good music, they might as well put up with her little rock star ambitions as well. Now, though, she’s just a 49-year old woman trying to pretend that she’s the queen of rock music, and she looks like she could somehow even be mistaken for Madonna’s older sister.

Kurt Cobain Wrote The Sweetest Love Letters

By Lex May 01, 2014 @ 2:39 PM

Note Left By Kurt Cobain About Courtney Love From The Seattle Police Department
I can imagine married life with Kurt Cobain was pretty fucking dismal. Less Sleepless in Seattle and microwave popcorn and more catatonic Kurt staring at a dead bird on his window sill and shitting in his pants. Genius artist and all that bullshit that comes with being a self-medicated moping wet blanket. At some point before Kurt decided it was time to shotgun shuffle of his mortal coil, he took time to put a handwritten note in his wallet about his equally horrific life partner, Courtney Love.

Do you Kurt Cobain take Courtney Michelle Love to be your lawful shredded wife, even when she’s a bitch with zits and siphoning all yr money for doping and whoring…

I can abide progressive wedding vows about working together to keep Mother Earth pristine, or those where Cleveland Browns fans make jokes about suffering together through more football seasons, but this seems a bit of a downer. Some are speculating that this note was a dark joke between Kurt and Courtney. These are people who’ve obviously never had a serious girlfriend before. I don’t care how macabre she is, she won’t giggle when she finds a note in your wallet calling her a gold digging dope fiend whore. You know, especially when she happens to be a gold digging dope fiend whore. In the end, Kurt referred to Courtney a ‘goddess’ in his suicide note. He was probably super crazy fucking high when he wrote both, so who’s to say which represented his true feelings about Courtney Love. Well, the gun in the mouth might provide some insight.

Photo Credit: Getty, Seattle Police Department

Courtney Love’s Clairvoyant Powers Prove Rusty

By Lex March 18, 2014 @ 3:03 PM

The true tragedy of that missing Malaysian jet liner has yet to unfold. As far as collateral damage, I can tell you that my plans to never ever visit Malaysia have been extended by ten more years. It’s not you, Malaysia, it’s me. The good news is that whether the plane was hijacked and crashed, was suicided into the sea by a pilot with a name that would make us say ‘of course!, or just super malfunctioned into the vast oceanic expanse, Courtney Love and her other worldly vision done found out. So she posted her doodle to Facebook:

I’m no expert but up close this does look like a plane and an oil slick.

While common sense would tell you that a drug-addled woman stinking of elderberry trolling an online satellite imaging site would be the one to find the missing plane, not so fast. Sometimes the blind soothsayer is just blind. The satellite website quickly discounted Courtney’s find:

Sometimes our eyes see what we want them to see

I think they left off the second part ‘and sometimes speedballs don’t actually give us the E.S.P. powers we think they do’. Nevertheless, Courtney remained chipper, as if naturally happy or severely medicated:

Yeah, I went to the satellite site and just uploaded tons and tons of pictures. I really doubt aliens took it. It’s got to be somewhere. I’m a little obsessive. I mean I don’t know anything about aviation per se,

She does know something about aviation through the course of her arrests for being fucked up and dangerous on commercial airlines, but I think she’s referring more to the science of aeronautics. Or any science or book learning, per se. Courtney can now repurpose her extraordinary mind’s eye to searching for D.B. Cooper and the Oxy bottle she remembers stashing in a piece of furniture.