By Lex August 12, 2014 @ 10:11 AM
I know the inkling of most working girls is that business would be so much better if I could just find a hot corner. Courtney Stodden ditched her three-times her age husband to experience fat men only twice her age who were promising to help her break big in show business. The causal logic was sound. You can fuck your way into some pretty promising positions in Hollywood. But the premise was flawed. You can’t feed the corruption fetish of the pederasts running Hollywood if you look like an aging Marseilles hooker trying to hang on for one more fishing season. So, Courtney came back to the roost.
Keller [Courtney's mom] says her daughter has had time to “experience other men” during their break and she now “want[s] to be with her original choice, her husband.
It really is like a fairy tale romance all over again. The couple is going to renew their vows at the end of this year before the inevitable baby comes to give Courtney a sympathetic story line. After that, her options will dwindle down to mariticide or amateur granny porn. If she did both at the same time, she finally would be famous.
Photo Credit: Splash News (above) Courtney Stodden/Instagram (below)
By Lex July 31, 2014 @ 11:53 AM
I’ve been accused of being a hard-hearted bastard. Mostly by family members, occasionally that label is even used in lawsuits. I’m sure there’s a Latin term that sounds more elegant. But I’m never above giving credit where it’s due. I’ve seen many fame whores with big tits in Hollywood in my time, but I’ve never seen one take flight before. This is either a trick of the camera or the metallic filaments Courtney Stodden installed in her tits for Christmas time flare were pulled into the Van Allen Radiation Belt. It could be that solar flare that almost didn’t destroy the earth. Consider me impressed.
Photo Credit: Coleman-Rayner
By Lex July 17, 2014 @ 10:06 AM
What makes this country so great is that any common man or woman can go to our nation’s capital and have their voices be heard. There is no more common woman than Courtney Stodden. Courtney went to Washington in a lettuce bikini to encourage people to stop eating hot dogs stuffed full of nasty processed animal goo, sort of like, oh, Courtney herself. Instead, she wanted people to try out veggie dogs composed of shoddy mass produced soy protein that gives little boys tits. Courtney claims she’s been vegan since the time she first started having underaged sex with much older men.
PETA decided some years ago that people tune out the messages from annoying ‘experts’ but tend to pay attention to blond girls with big boobs. It’s not a particularly errant calculation. There’s a lot of shit I’d watch if it was fronted by hot blond girls with big tits. State of the Union addresses, the evening news, my mom trying to use Skype. All could be made better by a poorly informed hot chick with mascara and big old yabbos. PETA just needs to find the hot chick.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex July 07, 2014 @ 4:11 PM
When a young girl comes to Hollywood with nothing but a dream, some cash for a tit job, and a born again mom who believes Jesus wants her daughter to sleep with old men if that’s what it takes to be famous, it’s easy to scoff at her chances. Against all odds, Courtney Stodden has landed herself the role of the porny looking chick in a bikini by the pool in the blockbuster Love Addict, currently filming in some dude’s backyard in the Valley. In the film, a philandering man is hypnotized to vomit every time his dick thinks about wandering, causing him to spew chunks on Courtney’s tits in what is being described as a tour de force moment of cinematic drama. The Academy often overlooks films shot on recycled family Bar Mitzvah videotapes from the 80′s but hopefully they’ll take a look at Courtney’s work as Mrs. Davenport, the complicated woman who sunbathes in heels. You may note that the initial one-sheet for the film didn’t have Courtney’s name and tits attached. That was before the film decided it wanted to be awesome and also needed money for lighting from some guy who wants to bang Courtney biblical.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Travis May 30, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Let’s take a moment to check in with Courtney Stodden and her hilariously fake tits, as they’ve all turned to a web series to continue her quest to beg America to make her a star. On the latest episode of Courtney Naturally, her mom Krista stopped by to share childhood pictures with everyone. Old pictures? Mom, you are so embarrassing! Seriously, stop reminding the few thousand people who watch this shit that your daughter was once a normal, cute teenager with a bright future. Courtney is a full-grown woman now, already divorced from a guy more than twice her age, and rocking a set of fake tits that would make most porn stars say, “That’s a little much.” Oh Courtney, you’re so normal and open, how are you not an A-list movie star already?
By Travis May 15, 2014 @ 9:00 AM
Because she’s never been talented or interesting enough to get a reality TV series of her own on one of the networks that nobody has ever heard of, Courtney Stodden has finally realized her true, non-porn potential by agreeing to do a web series. Produced by World of Wonder, Courtney Naturally gives fans a chance to take a much deeper look at Courtney the person, once the many, many layers of fake breast have been peeled away to reveal the real girl underneath. It turns out that the real girl still loves to wear outfits that focus on her ridiculously huge tits, but now she also wants to teach the children of America important issues like inhaling helium from balloons and taking selfies. If by episode 10, she hasn’t moved on to teaching desperate young women how to record a lesbian sex tape, I’ll be pretty shocked and a little disappointed.
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