Courtney Stodden Failing Miserably

By Matt August 24, 2015 @ 7:07 AM

Stodden

After nobody bit on Courtney Stodden’s sex tape that was fake stolen from her barely pubescent agent’s Van Nuys strip mall office she moved on to more desperate tactics as if it could get any worse. Time to move to Germany. They have unions for this shit. If it wasn’t obvious, she’s got a bunch of tape on her tits and stuck inside her pussy and that drill smells like a shrimp cannery. The tape thing is kind of clever but people don’t really jerk off to Woody Allen movies. Except Woody Allen and every film critic in the five boroughs. Usually you’ve got to have something to back it up. She’s the opposite of nebbish. Her left arm looks like Dolph Lundgren’s circa the steroid era. Her pussy is probably pretty tight. Because it’s taped shut. For once.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Courtney Stodden Patriotic Tits And Shit Around The Web

By Jack July 08, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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The Fourth of July may be over but that doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate Courtney Stodden’s massive tits spilling out of an American flag bikini. It’s the seventh best thing happening in the god damned United States today.

The red, white, and blue never looked so juicy. (Egotastic)

Two years in prison for fucking on a beach? Thanks, Obama. (TMZ)

Chrissy Teigen, no one wants to see John Legend’s ass. Now your ass, on the other hand…(Huffington Post)

I’d like to explore Sophia Bush’s bush. (COED)

Over the shoulder ass shots do a body good. (The Chive)

Josephine Skriver models Victoria’s Secret just for you. (Drunken Stepfather)

Let’s all look at Nicki Minaj’s nipples. (Hollywood Tuna)

Courtney Stodden’s Mom To Adopt 40 Year Old Man

By Matt June 11, 2015 @ 7:26 AM

STOD

Courtney Stodden’s mom Krista Keller used to be her manager before she released a video of herself masturbating with a Swiffer and lied about it being stolen. I’m not sure what managing Stodden entailed prior to that but I’d assume it encompassed creating Backpage ads for the computer illiterate. It’s not a good sign when you don’t share the name of your birth mother and dad’s never in your family Christmas cards. Perhaps an astute social services employee figured something wasn’t right early on. Namely an unemployed 15 year old doesn’t need a manager or to marry one of the Max Weinberg 7 before she gets boobs.

Keller is now managing Internet talk show host John Kerwin and says she will be legally adopting him as her son, even though she’s only 13 years his senior:

“Yes, the subject has come up. I am a motherlike figure to him. John really feels close to me and I am going to love being his mumager. We shall see what the future holds.”

All of this seems like a deleted scene from Clockwork Orange and I wish them both the absolute worst. I can’t help but notice your momager is eating the ficus. Please exit the premises immediately. You can finish that chili dog in the parking lot. Where the fuck is Tacoma?

Photo Credit: Facebook 

Photo Credit: Instagram

The Courtney Stodden Sex Tape Is Here (VIDEO)

By Lex May 14, 2015 @ 9:35 AM

Courtney Stodden Sex Tape Stills
What defines a sex tape? Sex? Tape? You got that here. After three long days of a brutally long promotional cycle, Vivid is releasing the Courtney Stodden sex tape to the public. It’s unclear whether demand will mimic the throngs of people lined up for the Disneyland opening in the 1950′s, or whether it will be more like Disneyland today with mostly Asians buying online with coupon codes. It’s pretty clear the days of I’m going to film you fucked up and show everybody your vagina sex tapes are long gone. There’s still illegally hacked shit like in The Fappening, but the commercially distributed celebrity sex tapes are not even hiding the professional porn lighting these days. The fact they all seem to take place in the same hotel room in Vegas can still be written off as a coincidence. If you pay her, she will just come back for more. If you don’t pay her, she’ll have to come back for more. I’ll noodle on this conundrum and get back to you.

** Be sure to check out Lex and Matt and wonder friends going deeper dive on LastMenonEarth.com. It’s WWTDD after hours. **

You can see the Courtney Stodden topless sex tape teaser and photos on Egotastic.

You can download-buy the Courtney Stodden sex tape on Vivid.

Photo/Video Credit: Vivid for Egotastic.com

Coutney Stodden Sex Tape Will Save Lives

By Matt May 12, 2015 @ 8:06 AM

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After consulting her family pastor and her ATM machine, Courtney Stodden has chose to allow Vivid to distribute a video of herself masturbating with a toilet brush. Stodden claims she never wanted the video released even though she shopped it around to a handful of porn companies and an end cap filler for Smart and Final. Stodden claims a male friend stole the tape:

“[He] made it clear that he will stop at nothing to double cross me… I’ve been painted into a corner.”

Yes we all know the situation. Someone commits sex crimes and grand larceny but conveniently you forget the number to 911. Stodden claims she will donate the four hundred dollars raised by this video to charities, including animal rights and “Children with Cancer” which I’ve never heard of but their public relations team sucks. Leave the children out of it. This toilet brush smells especially toilet.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Courtney Stodden Pretend Suing Vivid

By Lex May 08, 2015 @ 9:01 AM

Courtney Stodden Cries While LEaving Starbucks
Courtney Stodden fired off legal letters to Vivid threatening the porn shop if they release a tape of her diddling herself. Vivid conveniently found the tape forgotten in the back of a Denny’s restaurant and are prepared to violates local, state, and federal laws to distribute it commercially without her consent. It’s like the Pentagon Papers, but with a country swamp vagina. The bogus legal conflict is designed to garner free media exposure and convince people that watching a low rent reality star shove a dildo up her twat is worth a ten dollar download. People who buy porn online are multiple times more apt to purchase something they believe is leaked or stolen property. This goes back to the days Kris Jenner was taking meetings in back alleys to haggle over a fair price on her daughter’s sex on film. I’m not sure how it’s going, but seeing Courtney Stodden leaving a Starbuck’s in tears probably means not so well. Somebody needs to sing her a song from Annie and remind her that she could be huge in the U.A.E. Girls with blond hair and big tits don’t need a travel visa.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet