By Lex March 04, 2014 @ 2:16 PM
What to do when you’re not invited to the Oscars or any of the cool Oscar parties and you have no friends who want their boyfriends staring at your ginormous silicon tits all night? Hell, go to the night of 100 Stars Oscar viewing party. I’m not sure there actually were 100 stars at this particular venue. Once they designated Courtney Stodden in the celebrity category, I stopped counting. You don’t ever want to find yourself uttering ’69, Erik Estrada’. It seemed like Courtney enjoyed herself during the evening, surrounding herself with geriatric males old enough to be her husband. As Courtney learned from mama, they can’t grope your tits so much if they’ve got the arthritis.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, Splash
By Lex February 12, 2014 @ 4:07 PM
When A-list talent changes management, it’s big news in this town. When Courtney Stodden changes reps, it’s an excuse for tabloids to show you her new ginormous fucking lips. Courtney’s now signed up with David Weintraub of the uniquely titled David Weintraub Entertainment, purveyors of bottom of the barrel reality show celebrities since, I don’t know what year. In any case, he’s the Beverly Hills silver spoon kid who finds the sob stories who go into celebrity rehab. Which means Courtney Stodden can likely skip the miserable next ten years trying to act foolish on VH-1 and banging that guy who sits on the end of the bench for the Atlanta Hawks and and go straight into being a not so famous addict. I’m not sure what drugs Weintraub’s advising her to get into, but I think molly and Children’s Advil makes a great backstory. Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for those stars, darling.
Photo Credit: Courtney Stodden/Twitter
By Travis February 10, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
In case you were hoping that Courtney Stodden had finally paid off in your celebrity death pool, I have bad news. The 19-year old is apparently alive and well, still doing absolutely nothing more than squeezing her giant fake tits together and somehow not making any money for it. Yesterday, the recently-single fame whore tweeted a photo of her trademark tits to pretend like she wanted people to look at her new shade of lipstick and brown hair, and the results were less than thrilling as usual. All we can ever really hope for with Courtney is that she provides a reminder to teenage girls everywhere that you can inflate your chest until you float away to the moon, but if you’re not talented or don’t plan on showing your tits, you can pretty much forget about ever having a career in show business.
By Lex January 28, 2014 @ 2:49 PM
Courtney Stodden says she just wants to be a normal 19-year old girl again. First step, divorce your old-man and find a relatively younger Hollywood type to career-advise you into letting him cum on your big fake titties in the back of his Sebring. Consider step one achieved. Courtney Stodden flashed her expensive yabbos out on a dinner date with some dude who claims to be a guy who produced a reality show for a cable station somewhere between the Mac Davis reprise channel and that one that always seems to be selling crappy looking Chinese sexy toys. Courtney is taking a lot of flack of late for being a no-talented clueless spray painted streetwalker with excessively flamboyant wardrobe choices. She decided to challenge the last part:
‘I actually feel that I’m a true feminist because I believe in women looking the way they want to look. I believe that real women support women.’
Hell, yes, sister. The main thing missing from modern Feminism really is big ole cheese filled cans. Feminists have struggled for years trying to sell their various wave nonsense, all the while leaving at least half their audience wondering why their boobs were so small and unhappy. Along comes Courtney Stodden to be the Obama like hope and change for the Feminist movement. She lives on her own, drives herself to the clinic when its time for the Shop-Vac®, and she has knockers the size of two mightily deformed baby gnu skulls. Women should look the way they want, with a special emphasis to women who want to look like successful Thai fishing village hookers. They’re the tip of the Feminist spear.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News
By Lex December 16, 2013 @ 3:50 PM
‘Hey, up here,’ yelled Courtney Stodden at a bunch of dudes who were peeking up her dress and totally dismissing her massive chest. Now follow her mom’s lead and clap for Courtney’s yabbos and try to guess why she won an award shaped like a giant vibrator.
Photo Credit: Getty, PCN
By Lex November 26, 2013 @ 7:58 PM
Here’s something your mother may not tell you when you’re 15 and you meet a 50-year old man online — don’t believe the hype. How will you take it when your older online pervert needs a nap after just twenty minutes of spanking you for being a naughty schoolgirl? Sure, he has teen kidnap and rape fantasies, but can he climb a ladder steal you from your parent’s house without having a cardiac incident? In a post-break up interview, 19 year old Courtney Stodden alludes to her older husband’s lack of sexual oomph as a major factor in her reason for splitting up:
Stodden has a voracious sexual appetite and it played a role in the break up. She admits to being ” a young girl who wants to experience sex of all kinds” and that as Hutchison aged, he was “slowing down a little bit.” She freely expressed, “I just wanted more sex.”
In other words, back to the online boards to find a younger guy who will serve as your gay purse holding mannequin in between rounds of pounding your needy vagina. But it won’t be easy for Courtney who carries fresh wounds from her recent divorce and also just fresh wounds on various parts of her body.