By Lex July 17, 2014 @ 10:06 AM
What makes this country so great is that any common man or woman can go to our nation’s capital and have their voices be heard. There is no more common woman than Courtney Stodden. Courtney went to Washington in a lettuce bikini to encourage people to stop eating hot dogs stuffed full of nasty processed animal goo, sort of like, oh, Courtney herself. Instead, she wanted people to try out veggie dogs composed of shoddy mass produced soy protein that gives little boys tits. Courtney claims she’s been vegan since the time she first started having underaged sex with much older men.
PETA decided some years ago that people tune out the messages from annoying ‘experts’ but tend to pay attention to blond girls with big boobs. It’s not a particularly errant calculation. There’s a lot of shit I’d watch if it was fronted by hot blond girls with big tits. State of the Union addresses, the evening news, my mom trying to use Skype. All could be made better by a poorly informed hot chick with mascara and big old yabbos. PETA just needs to find the hot chick.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex July 07, 2014 @ 4:11 PM
When a young girl comes to Hollywood with nothing but a dream, some cash for a tit job, and a born again mom who believes Jesus wants her daughter to sleep with old men if that’s what it takes to be famous, it’s easy to scoff at her chances. Against all odds, Courtney Stodden has landed herself the role of the porny looking chick in a bikini by the pool in the blockbuster Love Addict, currently filming in some dude’s backyard in the Valley. In the film, a philandering man is hypnotized to vomit every time his dick thinks about wandering, causing him to spew chunks on Courtney’s tits in what is being described as a tour de force moment of cinematic drama. The Academy often overlooks films shot on recycled family Bar Mitzvah videotapes from the 80′s but hopefully they’ll take a look at Courtney’s work as Mrs. Davenport, the complicated woman who sunbathes in heels. You may note that the initial one-sheet for the film didn’t have Courtney’s name and tits attached. That was before the film decided it wanted to be awesome and also needed money for lighting from some guy who wants to bang Courtney biblical.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Travis May 30, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Let’s take a moment to check in with Courtney Stodden and her hilariously fake tits, as they’ve all turned to a web series to continue her quest to beg America to make her a star. On the latest episode of Courtney Naturally, her mom Krista stopped by to share childhood pictures with everyone. Old pictures? Mom, you are so embarrassing! Seriously, stop reminding the few thousand people who watch this shit that your daughter was once a normal, cute teenager with a bright future. Courtney is a full-grown woman now, already divorced from a guy more than twice her age, and rocking a set of fake tits that would make most porn stars say, “That’s a little much.” Oh Courtney, you’re so normal and open, how are you not an A-list movie star already?
By Travis May 15, 2014 @ 9:00 AM
Because she’s never been talented or interesting enough to get a reality TV series of her own on one of the networks that nobody has ever heard of, Courtney Stodden has finally realized her true, non-porn potential by agreeing to do a web series. Produced by World of Wonder, Courtney Naturally gives fans a chance to take a much deeper look at Courtney the person, once the many, many layers of fake breast have been peeled away to reveal the real girl underneath. It turns out that the real girl still loves to wear outfits that focus on her ridiculously huge tits, but now she also wants to teach the children of America important issues like inhaling helium from balloons and taking selfies. If by episode 10, she hasn’t moved on to teaching desperate young women how to record a lesbian sex tape, I’ll be pretty shocked and a little disappointed.
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By Lex May 02, 2014 @ 12:26 PM
It seems like just yesterday Courtney Stodden was too young for us to politely call her a grifter and a fame whore. No longer. When you’re nineteen and school is five years in the rear view and the occupation listed on your County Department of Health Record is ‘I Make Stevedores Happy’ you’re going to be up for some rightful ribbing. Courtney came to Hollywood with a plan. A plan and an old husband who liked underaged girls. She’s never really diverted from that plan. Show off your tits, smile, shoo the dog away when he tries to lick your stank while you nap. There’s probably a Dale Carnegie type lesson in Courtney’s strategery. Aiming for the stars leads to all kinds of disappointment. Aim for the gutter and success will literally come and find you. Tits.
Photo Credit: Courtney Stodden/Instagram
By Lex March 31, 2014 @ 2:46 PM
I dig the respect that young ballplayers show the all-time greats when they get the chance to meet. Only a pro athlete can truly understand the impact the Hall of Famers have on the game and the rare skills it took to get there. So too with sex symbols. Courtney Stodden honors those who blazed the trail before her. Pioneers and prematurely dead bombshells like Marilyn Monroe and Farrah Fawcett have made it possible for Courtney to pretend she’s actually working in Hollywood as opposed to just walking around in revealing tops and trying to blow older men with industry connections. It’s possible that Courtney never becomes a major movie star like Marilyn, or owns the world of television like Farrah, but I’d bet good money that she nails the drug overdoses and ass cancer portion of the homage. Like a big ole fake tittied candle in the wind.
Photo Credit: Courtney Stodden/Instagram