Courtney Stodden just posted this to her Instagram account. She forgot the hashtag desperate and just farted. I will admit to some Discovery Channel level of interest in the results of harrowing silica mining operations. It’s mostly Courtney Stodden’s tits and the medical devices used to manufacture Courtney Stodden’s tits. Also silly putty, which is Courtney Stodden’s tits for kids. I’m not sure if these kinds of photos get you work, but they beat listing hiking on your resume as interests. I just assume those people are serial killers. Hiking is for Europeans. Guys in America who hike are looking for places to shallow bury their victims.
If you carbon dated Courtney Stodden you’d find twenty years of age was not a rock solid estimation of her years on this planet. She looks like she could tell tales from working the rooms at the Sands Hotel during the Cuban Missile Crisis. Courtney is back with her elderly husband who rescued her from the fate of still being a virgin at sixteen. She broke it off with him back in January so she could fuck other older men to see if something more ample popped in her career. Sadly, not everybody was blessed to be the next Mariah Carey or Chelsea Handler. With an apology and a party dress soaked in splooge, Courtney returned to her spouse who took her back with the understanding that it’s highly unlikely he’d ever find a high school sophomore to bang legally again. Pederasty really is a fickle beast.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News
Courtney Stodden shared the only details of her life that we could possibly care about on the Couples Therapy reunion show on VH-1 when she announced she had fucked around on her older husband when they were separated. Outside of the thought of seeing Courtney passed around under various fat second tier managers and huckster promoters in Hollywood, I’m completely out of contexts for where she might be interesting:
“I wasn’t acting like a married woman, that’s for sure…I was doing everything, I was going crazy, partying, meeting new people, sleeping around, I was doing it all.”
I don’t think there’s a formal list of things not to say in front of your spouse after a reconciliation, but bragging about partying and fucking other men seems like something you might want to keep to yourself. In the video interview, Grandpa reveals not even a hint of reaction while his wife announces her extra-marital pillow biting adventures. This leads me to believe he’s either deaf or the thought of being his age and still being able to pound your pud between the giant udders of a teenaged girl is compelling enough not to give a shit. Both seem equally plausible. As for Courtney, I don’t know how she becomes slightly interesting again, short of a disfiguring ball bearing factory accident. Probably a plan for that in the works.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
I know the inkling of most working girls is that business would be so much better if I could just find a hot corner. Courtney Stodden ditched her three-times her age husband to experience fat men only twice her age who were promising to help her break big in show business. The causal logic was sound. You can fuck your way into some pretty promising positions in Hollywood. But the premise was flawed. You can’t feed the corruption fetish of the pederasts running Hollywood if you look like an aging Marseilles hooker trying to hang on for one more fishing season. So, Courtney came back to the roost.
Keller [Courtney's mom] says her daughter has had time to “experience other men” during their break and she now “want[s] to be with her original choice, her husband.
It really is like a fairy tale romance all over again. The couple is going to renew their vows at the end of this year before the inevitable baby comes to give Courtney a sympathetic story line. After that, her options will dwindle down to mariticide or amateur granny porn. If she did both at the same time, she finally would be famous.
Photo Credit: Splash News (above) Courtney Stodden/Instagram (below)
I’ve been accused of being a hard-hearted bastard. Mostly by family members, occasionally that label is even used in lawsuits. I’m sure there’s a Latin term that sounds more elegant. But I’m never above giving credit where it’s due. I’ve seen many fame whores with big tits in Hollywood in my time, but I’ve never seen one take flight before. This is either a trick of the camera or the metallic filaments Courtney Stodden installed in her tits for Christmas time flare were pulled into the Van Allen Radiation Belt. It could be that solar flare that almost didn’t destroy the earth. Consider me impressed.
Photo Credit: Coleman-Rayner
What makes this country so great is that any common man or woman can go to our nation’s capital and have their voices be heard. There is no more common woman than Courtney Stodden. Courtney went to Washington in a lettuce bikini to encourage people to stop eating hot dogs stuffed full of nasty processed animal goo, sort of like, oh, Courtney herself. Instead, she wanted people to try out veggie dogs composed of shoddy mass produced soy protein that gives little boys tits. Courtney claims she’s been vegan since the time she first started having underaged sex with much older men.
PETA decided some years ago that people tune out the messages from annoying ‘experts’ but tend to pay attention to blond girls with big boobs. It’s not a particularly errant calculation. There’s a lot of shit I’d watch if it was fronted by hot blond girls with big tits. State of the Union addresses, the evening news, my mom trying to use Skype. All could be made better by a poorly informed hot chick with mascara and big old yabbos. PETA just needs to find the hot chick.
Photo Credit: Getty