The world lost something when skinny Euro chicks smoking cigarettes went out of Vogue. Snarling, sardonic, sour on life blond chicks in angry bras affecting thousand yard stares and only cleaning themselves on holidays. That’s why the G.I.’s were excited to get to France. Kill some krauts and watch these women puff on unfiltered cigs and hang their hose on lines. Many of them made babies which only carried on the line of resting bitchy face. Step forward and be judged. You may fuck me but I won’t enjoy it. Yes, I know you don’t care.
Emma Watson went through that period of girl time when she wanted to pretend she wasn’t a hot chick from the Harry Potter movies but a serious gender-neutral artist. So she enrolled at lesbian Brown University and chopped off all of her hair. Why women feel the need to be seen as something other than incredibly hot, highly paid performers is beyond the male understanding. I mean, Jordan did decide to quit basketball for a couple years in his prime, but that was to pursue baseball, not to do obscure Slovakian arthouse films. Emma Watson does seem to be settling back into accepting the fact that she’s hot and rich and famous and that’s okay. So she’s featured in this new Natural Beauty exhibition which is photographs of mostly hot women meant to send a message about saving the planet from environmental destruction. I think we’re all supposed to try and expel less carbon dioxide when we tug one out to these photos. Everybody has to do their part. Watch The Lorax. You’ll get it.
There’s no real reason to complain about Emily Ratajkowski, except maybe for the fact that you and I will likely never bang her. And I don’t mean together, I mean, either of us, alone, ever.
This chick used to be a teen actress on iCarly and some other stupid shows, realized how meaningless that crap is unless you’re the star making bank, and went promptly into sexy modeling, including some nude photos and amazing spreads like this one in GQ Turkey. Why Turkey? Who the fuck knows? And, do you care? Thanks to the Internet, I didn’t have to run the risk of getting Midnight Expressed for my travel weed in an Ankara airport.