Criss Angel is down in Mexico this week with some girl who looks like Maya Rudolph, and that’s not a compliment for anyone involved. She’s ok I guess but a huge downgrade from Holly Madison. He shouldn’t even have this one, but women are always throwing themselves at magicians. They’re so cool. I thought the tiger was in that box, but no, it’s actually outside in a private jet! He’s a sorcerer! He bends the laws of time and space and mocks our earthly laws of physics! Or perhaps just has access to a second tiger! One of the two!
12.21.2007 criss angel strikes again
The New York Post says the reason Pamela Anderson filed for divorce from Rick Salomon on Monday is because Pam was caught partying with magician Criss Angel, who has previously been linked with Cameron Diaz, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, among others. The Post says:
Anderson spent Dec. 8, the night before her final performance with magician Hans Klok, "cozying up to" publicity-loving illusionist Criss Angel at club LAX. Pictures were taken, gossip was spread - and Salomon "hit the roof when he found out Pam was hanging out with Criss … They had a huge fight," and Anderson filed for divorce a few days later. A friend of Anderson said, "It was just another log on the fire. Their relationship is so volatile [that] I'm sure this won't be the last time she files, but nothing happened with her and Criss; they were just hanging out."
Whatever. This is the look of a girl who's about to fuck a guy. And how could she not? When you're a magician, life is an endless string of fast cars and sexy women. After all, twice a night he summons a dove from another dimension. What girl could resist that? If I were a magician and about to have sex with Pam, I think a funny joke would be to pull one of those really long and colorful handkerchiefs out of her vagina, and you could be all like, "hey, what's goin' on here?!?!" Because she's a slut, and I think it would lighten the mood to joke about that.
11.01.2007 criss angel might be cool
Apparently there's an "American Idol" type magic show on NBC called "Phenomenon". This is all news to me, but last night on the live Halloween show, judge Criss Angel confronted a psychic and a fellow judge when he pulled an envelope from his pocket and offered one million dollars if they could psychically determine it's contents. Shockingly, they didn't do that. Unshockingly, they did throw a little magical hissy fit. Access Hollywood says:
Following the stunt, Angel appeared anxious for his turn to weigh in. “Criss, I can see you’re itching to say something,” noted “Phenomenon” host and Access Hollywood’s Tim Vincent.
“I just think it’s comical quite frankly,” Angel said.
Angel then pulled an envelope from his pocket and appeared to challenge, not only Callahan’s abilities, but also those of his fellow judge Geller. “I will give you a million dollars of my personal money right now if either one of you can tell me specific details of what’s in here right now,” Angel insisted.
The challenge clearly didn’t sit well with the contestant.
“Ok man, I’ll tell you what I will tell you. I find you an ideological bigot,” Callahan responded as he made his way towards Angel.
“Tell me what’s in the envelope,” Angel kept repeating.
Oooo, booga booga, look out Criss, he might use his psychic lasers against you. Pew pew pew! On no, he's doing it, run Criss, run! Won't someone save us!
08.25.2007 criss angel and britney bone, wear hats
Britney showed up to Criss Angel's place at 2 am the other night and didn't leave until 9 am the next morning. He's a great magician. "Ta da! I made my standards disappear!"
Some chick that dresses exactly like Britney was also there.
I know three minutes of lip synching is really hard (I hear the teleprompter doesn't even have one of those bouncy ball thingies like at karaoke), but I think they're taking this "preparing for the VMA's" thing a little too far. I also like how even when she's dressed like the fucking unabomber she still has her big flapjack titties hanging out everywhere. She's like a walrus wearing a pinkie ring. -LM
05.15.2007 cameron diaz and criss angel?
People.com says that magician Criss Angel is maybe sorta dating Cameron Diaz now. They went out Saturday (pictured) and Monday night in Las Vegas, and Diaz was supposed to go back to LA Sunday but decided instead to stay until today. All of which should be humiliating for Diaz but doesn't appear to be. People says:
The pair began their evening with dinner at the Bellagio's Prime steakhouse, then rode to the Mirage in Angel's Rolls Royce for the 10:30 p.m. performance of Cirque du Soleil's Beatles tribute LOVE.
The smiling duo walked arm-in-arm into the theater through the main entrance, and throughout the show, a witness tells PEOPLE, "They were snuggling with each other and he was making her laugh. They seemed really happy."
After the final curtain, the pair headed backstage and greeted the cast until just before midnight before leaving through a side door and disappearing into the night in Angel's car.
Criss Angel ranks somewhere around "good" as a magician, but Cameron Diaz is borderline retarded, so this should work out nicely. He probably pulled a quarter from her ear and now she thinks he's come here from a distant world to learn about love. But Criss might wanna go slow with the tricks. Last week a guy opened a lighter and she screamed "SORCERER!" while throwing stuff at him. That went on for 10 minutes.
