By Lex October 29, 2013 @ 4:31 PM
Somebody pulled the old man from his sarcophagus and dressed him up like Robin Thicke so that his young bride would finally look like she had a purpose for being bent over in a tight dress. The two of them together looked like a wax exhibit at the Boner Kill Museum. More out of a Rob Zombie movie than Playboy. This is just giving me the fucking willies. And not like the ones I had when I saw Miley and Robin Thicke at the VMAs. That was like watching a train wreck disturbing. This is more like accidentally seeing your grandmother in the tub creepy. I may never enjoy sex again.
Photo Credit: Crystal Hefner/Instagram
By Lex September 06, 2013 @ 4:48 PM
I guess the good part about getting old is you start to forget shit more easily. Like, your signature magazine business is tanking or what seems like yesterday you were wearing a robe, smoking a pipe, and looking down to see Barbi Benton gobbling your knob. So that Hoveround you’re putting around Disneyland seems like your old Jag and you’re not sure if the young girl whose tits your grabbing is your latest wife or your daughter and you couldn’t care less. Senility can be the happiest place on earth.
Photo Credit: WENN
By Lex May 28, 2013 @ 1:39 PM
If you’re Hugh Hefner’s wife, you’ll take any excuse to get out of the mansion. You can only stare at the old man in his cryogenic tube for so long before you need the real comfort of total strangers checking out your tits in a bikini. Crystal Harris isn’t great at promoting shit, but she at least showed up for her Vegas pool promotional stint, unlike Charlie Sheen who bailed. Still, the event was considered a big success as a bunch of people paid $30 to sit by a pool.
Photo Credit: INF, PCN
By Travis May 27, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Charlie Sheen was scheduled to be the celebrity host of this past Saturday’s Memorial Day Weekend Salute pool party at the Sapphire Pool and Day Club in Las Vegas, and of course he bailed on that. Maybe he was caught up in filming a scene for a movie or his show, or maybe he just decided not to get up from between whatever soulless and fatherless 19-year old girls that he passed out on top of the night before. Either way, it left Sapphire’s management with a big decision to make.
Fortunately, they made the right call and just had the other celebrity guest, Crystal Hefner, stand around in her extra small bikini and blow kisses at people. And if someone showed up and asked where Charlie was, she’d just tell them, “He’s dead” and then bounce up and down.
(Photo Credits: Judy Eddy/WENN.com)