MILEY CYRUS - shut down her twitter account earlier this month, and now a girl who must be super popular in school is threatening to kill a cat AND FUCKING EAT IT if Miley doesn’t re-open it. The girl claims she lives in a country where this sort of thing is not illegal. “This sort of thing” of course meaning, “dangerous insanity”. (popcrunch)
LINDSAY LOHAN - is on the verge of death, this time according to her mom. Actually that should say, “according to her mom, according to her dad”. He says he has tapes of Dina Lohan admitting that Lindsays drug addiction will kill her sooner than later. I hope it’s sooner. This shit is really getting tedious. And I’m fit as a fiddle so what do I care? (ny daily news)
CURRENT SONG = the leak of the new 50 Cent track with Eminem. If I knew any black people, I would go, “Damn that shit is tight.” And then they would think I was real cool. (download it on mediafire)
CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM - is in trouble because of Sundays episode which featured Larry David accidentally getting urine on a picture of Jesus. “I don’t think it’s funny,” said InsideCatholic.com publisher Deal Hudson. I’m surprised Hudson feels this way. I would think a guy like that would love a good joke. I bet he just laughs all day long. (e online)
SOPHIE MONK - was caught by the paparazzi as she walked around in a slutty costume yesterday. When asked if she was on her way to a Halloween party, she said, “What’s Halloween?” (pacific coast)
LINDSAY LOHAN - ‘Life and Style’ points out the remarkable similarities between the women who “robbed” Lindsay and regular Lindsay. It would have been easy enough for her to truly disguise herself, but consider this: Lindsay is an idiot. (life and style)
LADY GAGA - went on The Matt And Jo Radio Show in Australia and because Aussies are cool/drunk, they asked her straight out if she was a hermaphrodite. She didn’t say yes or no, just “the subject is beneath me.” Yes, exactly, so look beneath you to where the subject is and describe what you see you creepy bitch. (hear the audio here)
PLAYBOY - is now offering Lindsay almost 1M to pose for the magazine, but she’s still being coy. This bitch is nuts. Everyone has already seen her naked (here) and she’s crazy if she thinks the offer will go higher. In another year she’ll be lucky to get a photoshoot where guys stand around and pee on her. (the sun)
CURRENT SONG - ‘Get Off’ by the Dandy Warhols. They would be more popular except no one seems to know who they are. I’m pretty savvy about the music industry. (youtube)
NOEMI LETIZIA - this is the 18-year-old who is having an affair with the 72-year old Prime Minister of Italy. Someone with bigger balls than him was unavailable for comment because they don’t exist. (hq jump)
VICTORIA BECKHAM - went to Barneys in Beverly Hills to buy a cheerleader outfit to wear for her husband. This is the only bad thing about Posh. She’s married to David Beckham. How the hell do you follow that dude? She might as well be married to Batman. (the sun)
BAD BOYS 3 - 14 years after the original and 6 after the sequel, Columbia Pictures has hired a writer for ‘Bad Boys 3′. Michael Bay, Jerry Bruckheimer, Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are all interested but not signed. When asked if he had any ideas for the story, Bay said, “The what?” (hollywood reporter)
EMINEM - his ex-wife Kim told a Detroit radio station, “If you’re going to have sex with Marshall, make sure you have a little blue pill, because otherwise it does not work.” If I was a woman I’m not sure I’d go on the radio and brag that men can’t get an erection when I try to have sex with them, but maybe I’m just shy. (the sun)
CURRENT SONG - Beck, ‘Timebomb’. The random chatter of people in the background is a cool touch. It’s as if I have friends, and they’ve invited me to a party!
MACUALAY CULKIN - is reportedly the biological father of Blanket, Michael Jacksons 7-year-old son. Culkin allegedly donated sperm to Michael when he was 21. Yeah I bet he did. It sounds like the cops showed up one day and Michael had to explain why there was a bowl of a young boys semen in his fridge. (source = the sun)
VICTORIA BECKHAM - went to the gym this weekend with no makeup. Still looked hot though. Natural beauties like me and Victoria don’t need makeup. (daily mail)
CURRENT SONG - ‘Show Me’ from Mint Royale with Pos from De La Soul. If this song doesn’t make you shake your ass, you’ve been dead for at least an hour. And the video features a flying Japanese kitty. Look out for those trees flying Japanese kitty! (youtube)
ANNALYNNE MCCORD - hosted at the Wet Republic pool this weekend in Vegas, but just because her swimsuit was boring and her poses were stupid is no reason to skip these pictures. Actually now that I think it that’s a perfectly good reason to skip these. Next! (10 more here. hq jump here. source = splash)
WEEKEND BOX OFFICE - “Inglourious Basterds” crushed this weekend, pulling in 65.1M worldwide. This is good news for director Quentin Tarantino and star Brad Pitt, two big names who don’t always deliver box office. A friend of mine almost didn’t go see it but I told her she should. And then I kidnapped her sister to let her know I meant business. (variety)
CURRENT SONG - the remix of “Superstar” from Lupe Fiasco, featuring Young Jeezy and TI. Not only does Jeezy put out awesome records, he was all but unstoppable if you took him in Def Jam Icon on the 360. (superstar = here)
LINDSAY LOHAN - was robbed again this weekend for the 2nd time in 3 months. The suspects reportedly took several watches and removed a wall safe. They would have taken more but Lindsay was beginning to suspect they weren’t really pizza delivery men. (the ap)
JENNIFER TILLY - turns 51 in 3 weeks, but still looks better than most when she goes to the pool. And she has that sexy voice. Long story short, I fucked her. (source = fame)
CURRENT SONG - Theme from “Saw”, remixed by BoneCrusher, with Lil Jon and Fatman Scoop. Bone Crusha is my N-word. (hear it here - explicit lyrics)
MICHAEL JACKSON - will be buried this week. Without his brain. Because his true cause of death has not been found, dissecting his brain is the last best chance to determine what his body was experiencing when he died. That will take at least 3 weeks. After that his brain will either be burned or he’ll be dug up for a reunion. If it were me I’d see if they could put it in a 10-story robot. Revenge is mine! (dubious source = the mirror)
THE MEMORIAL - Fox, NBC, ABC, CNN, MSNBC and E! will all televise the Michael Jackson memorial tomorrow live. Disney Channel still undecided, suspects an elaborate trap, has moved Zach and Cody to a secret location. (source = washington post)
HOLLY MADISON - hosted a party at TAO Beach in Vegas on Saturday. I don’t know why. Does it matter? (3 more pics here. hq jump here. source = wenn)
