morning headlines

By brendon October 09, 2009 @ 11:31 AM

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

DAVID HASSELHOFF – spent two days in a London hospital this week after a drinking binge that lasted for days. You really have to wonder why someone would do this. Considering there’s so much legal weed only an hour away by plane. (the sun)

NIC CAGE – owes over 6 million dollars in back taxes.  Might be a bad idea to cheat the IRS when your income is listed in a number of prominent daily Hollywood newspapers. (tmz)

JON GOSSELIN – gave his daughter an ATV for her birthday. Her 9th birthday. Considering he acts like his kids are keeping him from the sexy party life he deserves, I get the feeling this will come up during his trial one day soon. (popeater)

MEGAN FOX – is for sale. Sort of.  Or at least the clothes she wore in the Transformers sequel are.  And since I’m going to buy them and scrape them for DNA then make a harem of my own Megan Fox’s, then yes, Megan Fox is for sale.  (auction here. hq jump here)

DAVID HASSELHOFF CANNOT BE FOOLED

By brendon September 25, 2006 @ 2:05 PM

TMZ reported late last night that Haley Hasselhoff, the 14 year-old-daughter of David Hasselhoff, had attempted suicide.  The report was based on a call made by David to 911 operators where he claimed his daughter had cut herself and needed emergency care.  But David’s ex-wife Pamela Bach denies this was ever the case.  She says Haley was scratched by a house cat, and that David knew this and she has no idea why he called 911 or why he overreacted to this degree.  Bach says:

"David called and I told him about the scratch. He said he was going to call the ambulance. I said 'David, what are you doing?' The next thing I know David called the ambulance. I am floored. Shocked. Last night was so bizarre. I don't know why David did this."

A spokesman for David Hasselhoff is backing away from any suicide claims:

"Upon boarding an overnight flight for overseas last night, Mr. Hasselhoff received a call from his oldest daughter alerting him that his younger daughter had been playing with the dog and cat at hers mother's home in the San Fernando Valley. The cat gave her a severe scratch on her forearm and she was bleeding. Mr. Hasselhoff did what any responsible parent would do. He called 911 to report the incident and asked if they would send someone to check up on his child."

Is this what the young people are doing today?  Killing themselves with cats?  I’m not an expert on suicide or the killing power of cats, but this way doesn’t seem super efficient.  She should have used a razor or scalpel if this was just a cry for help, like me when I have one of my Christmas “accidents”.  I'm over here carving “fatty” into my arm right now!  God I'm so fat!