Jimmy Kimmel is the funniest late night host, the return of the awesome Andy Richter makes Conan a billion times better, and Craig Ferguson has the best show and is the best host (defenitive video proof), but Letterman is still the only one who will ask things like this. Who will ask things like why Danny DeVito is drunk in so many interviews. DeVitos answer sucks and is plainly a lie, but whatever. All this DeVito talk seems to be taking the focus off of me and how handsome I am. Let’s get back on track.
05.14.2009 Robin Williams can’t be stopped
If you enjoy John Wayne impressions or seeing a white guy do a scandalous jive-talkin black guy character, hold on to your funny bones, because according to Entertainment Weekly, “Robin Williams will resume his ‘Weapons of Self-Destruction’ stand-up tour, which he had to postpone in March to have heart surgery, this fall.”
Robin went on David Letterman last night to promote the tour and talk about his surgery, and if that was any indication, you can either go to one of the 29 remaining tour dates or you could watch any random clip from 1982. Like this one. It’ll be the exact same thing. And by that I mean, “hilarious!” Last night with Dave, he pretended to be talking in Spanish at one point, and if you think that was wacky, later (a little after 3:00 here) he did a “yo yo yo, I’m a rapper” routine. I couldn’t believe it, I was all like, “Oh No He Di’ent, haha!” This guy doesn’t care whose toes he steps on!
WARNING - if you watch the entire thing keep your finger over the pause button because the jokes comes lightning fast. For example he mentions that he got a valve from a cow during his heart surgery and then he said, “and the grazing has been nice.” At first I thought, “well that was an unusual thing to say. He’s not a cow he’s a person, why would…” But then I got it. He was joking around, as if getting a heart valve from a cow had given him some tendencies a cow may have. Get it? Awesome, right?
03.23.2009 monday night headlines
DAVID LETTERMAN - “On Thursday, at 3 p.m., March 19, 2009, at the Teton County Courthouse in Choteau, Montana, I was married to Regina Lasko." Dave has dated Regina since 1986, and they had a son together in 2003. And that son … was high school football phenom Rueben Randle. Wait that can’t be right. (source = us)
CHRIS BROWN – "It's really hard for him to focus right now on his music", says Tyreese. "Entertainers, we have to grow up on stage with a lot of people looking at us … people forget that he's only 19." It's true. 19 is tough. I put on black eyeliner and wrote poems about sorrow, Chris punches girls in the face while they’re captive in his car. It's part of growing up. (source = people)
MEGAN FOX – today's “Megan Fox is single” story says she moved into a hotel this weekend. Of course at this point I'm out of Megan Fox pictures. But word on the street is that Sofia Vergara, Columbian supermodel and Tom Cruises' target before Katie Holmes, went to the gym this weekend. Oh my god look there she is! (source = e! online and fame)
02.12.2009 joaquin phoenix is doing great
Joaquin Phoenix was on David Letterman last night, and Phoenix needs to work on his crazy if he wants to go on Letterman and top Brother Theodore or Crispin Glover. Phoenix is boring. They might as well have spent 10 minutes explaining natural log base 'e'. I didn’t even watch the whole thing. I started too, but then I got an email from hot teen girls in my area looking for friends and maybe more. What a coincidence! I love hot teen girls, and I live in my area! Could this … be love?
10.01.2008 SO UNCOMFORTABLE
Anne Hathaway was on David Letterman last night, and of course Dave is like a pit bull with a biting problem and he's not just gonna ask what her favorite color is, so the conversation quickly turned to the arrest of her ex-boyfriend for fraud. And it was so awkward and uncomfortable, the only way it could be any worse is if they did a split screen and showed your mom in a sexy outfit trying to seduce one of your friends.
11.14.2007 DAVID LETTERMAN IS COOL
Deadline Hollywood is reporting that David Letterman will pay the entire staff of "the Late Show" with his own money while the show is shut down during the writers strike. CBS stopped paying the staff when the show halted production last week. NBC is trying the same tactic to put pressure on the writers, and has threatened to lay off the entire staff of "the Tonight Show" unless the writers come back to work. Deadline says Letterman has committed to pay them at least through the end of the year.
"Dave's not doing this to get good press, which is why it hasn't been reported for almost two days," a source tells me. "This is really significant because, as opposed to all of the other shows, this money comes out of Dave's own pocket."
Dave Letterman is the fuckin coolest. I like to think I would kind of do the same thing, that I would do my part to help the people who worked for me, but then it would occur to me - fuck those homos. And then I'd roll around on the waterbed and throw a pile of hundreds at the naked teen models.
