Britney Spears wants to get married in Elvis’ Graceland mansion. Brit is talking to Lisa Marie Presley to see if she will let Britney get hitched to her latest boyfriend, David Lucado, in the famously garish house. Elvis’ home is basically the Vatican for hillbillies, a mecca for Southern girls like Britney. This is Britney’s third marriage so she really wants to go big. You never know if there’s going to be a fourth, she’s already thirty-two. Kim Kardashian is facing the same issue heading into her third marriage. Kim’s choosing a big TV wedding in France. I’m guessing both girls will still wear white, it remains the easiest way to mask all the semen.
All the real men are lining up to be the submissive Britney walks on a leash across the stage in her fabulously fat tour de force signature show in Las Vegas. Opening night it was Mario Lopez, because Mario will do anything for a buck and an ounce of attention. New Year’s Eve it was her part-time bartending boyfriend David Lucado. I guess he didn’t have much choice. Britney ordered him to get on the harness or else she’d make him watch her cram her muffin rolls back into her plasticine body suit. He took the leash. We’ve all done some pretty humiliating stuff to get laid before, though I’m proud to say I’ve never had to bark like a dog or crawl across a floor or… actually, just those two things. Wait until this dude finds out Britney’s dad controls all her money and he isn’t getting shit for literally being pussy-whipped. He’s going to chew himself right off his leash. David makes me proud to be a man.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com