miley cyrus is the angel of death

By brendon November 20, 2009 @ 3:11 PM

A tour bus that was one of four transporting Miley Cyrus and her crew during her current tour drifted off the road and overturned this morning near Richmond, Va. Amazingly the driver was the lone fatality. Nine others on board had minor injuries. Miley was not on the bus that flipped and not on scene after the crash. People magazine says…

“It was one of our tour buses, but not Miley’s,” her manager said. “It was one of our buses that transported our lighting crew.”
An investigation is underway to determine exactly why the bus – part of a four vehicle caravan – drifted off the road and overturned. One person, presumed to be the bus driver, died.

Another report is suggesting the driver died while at the wheel and that’s what caused the crash. Just to make sure Mileys rival isn’t behind this, I should take Selena Gomez into custody and search her. Yes ma’am, I know this is uncomfortable. Yes, panties too I’m afraid. I do have to record all this yes, I’m sorry. Just take your time. Nice and slow, that’s it. Okay now bend over for me please.

afternoon headlines

By brendon November 12, 2009 @ 4:04 PM

092979792

OPRAH WINFREY – had Charla Nash as a guest on her show yesterday. She’s the woman from Connecticut who had her face and hands bitten off by a pet monkey last year. It’s hard to describe what she looks like now, so just scream at the top of your lungs. There. She looks like that. (oprah.com)

DONALD TRUMP – is number 2 on this list of the ten highest paid men on television. He somehow made 50M off ‘the Apprentice’, which must mean the 10 people who knew that dumb shit was even still on the air all own around 900 tv’s each. (ny post)

DEAD PEOPLE – The ABC obstacle course game show ‘WipeOut’ had a contestant die after performing on the show. The 33yo man complained of pain in his knee, then had a stroke and later died. A disease that left him prone to blood clots is being blamed, at least if you listen to the Jew-run media. What’s the real end game here? Out in my car I’ve got some stuff you should read. (the wrap)

SELENA GOMEZ – went to the TV Guide Hot List Party last night, and she turned 17 in July, meaning I can finish writing this post in just about 8 months. (getty images)


gaga is so ugly its now literally killed someone

By brendon November 03, 2009 @ 10:52 AM

00fp_3937201_lady_gaga_aar_110209

I’ve never punched a woman in the stomach before, but I shouldn’t brag because I’ve also never been within striking distance of Lady GaGa. Those two facts are almost certainly related. That she’s friends with Perez makes her punchable all by itself, but even without that she’s annoying like no other. She wore this “look at me everyone!” crap to the ACE Awards last night in New York, and she’s so ugly in real life it’s now proven to be fatal.

… her arrival made a photographer at the event pass out while standing on a ladder causing him to fall to his death. This was an accident but still a shock to the world of the photographers.

I don’t ask for much, but I really hope my death isn’t related to Lady GaGa in some way. I’d rather have my friends and family find me naked in a noose with gay porn on the TV and a chair leg shoved up my ass than to have ‘poker face’ playing in their head whenever they think of me.  I’m sure they would too.

(story and picture source = fame)

anna nicole smith: murderer!

By brendon October 07, 2009 @ 12:45 PM

000stern_arrested_3_wenn108653

When Anna Nicole Smith married oil-millionaire Howard Marshall in 1994, she was 26 and he was 89. He died just about one year later, no doubt smiling. This began the legal fight for his fortune, estimated at around 550M.  Marshalls son, not unreasonably, thought Smith didn’t deserve her dads money and so he took her to court. Smith could either walk away from the money or fight for it in court. Oh and there was one more option: MURDER!!!

The FBI investigated whether Anna Nicole Smith plotted to kill her tycoon husband’s son as they battled for his father’s fortune, but the former Playboy Playmate who died in 2007 was never prosecuted.
Smith’s FBI records, obtained exclusively by The Associated Press, say the agency investigated Smith in 2000 and 2001 in a murder-for-hire plot targeting E. Pierce Marshall … (he) died three years ago of natural causes.

OR DID HE? (cue ominous “dun-dun-dun” music). Wait no. No he did die of natural causes. Because there’s zero chance Anna Nicole Smith was smart enough to orchestrate a murder, and a negative zero chance she was smart enough to hide it from the FBI. At best her plan would be to invite him over and offer him poison to drink, but when she gave it to him it would be this boiling green sludge with fog coming off the top. “No, driink it, is good. I jus’ had one so I downe really want another raght now but you should drink yurs. Go on drink it.”

morning headlines

By brendon September 16, 2009 @ 1:12 PM

jasmineprofile

JASMINE FIORE – model mayhem is terrific, but it might be time to take Jasmines profile down. Especially since her last post said “please shoot me”. I wasn’t even looking for this and found it, despite only browsing around for 10 minutes. Well, under an hour at least. 1 hour. Maybe 2. Less than 5. A little over 5. God I’m So Lonely! (modelmayhem)

DERTY
– I don’t get much new music around here, but Derty is pretty GD cool. At least from the safety of the internet. In real life I would probably hide in the outhouse like those little girls in ‘Schindlers List’ if I saw him and his friends coming toward me. I’m sensible! (youtube)

KENDRA WILKINSON
– her husband Hank Baskett, who is a wide receiver for Philadelphia, was cut from the 53-man roster to make room for Mike Vick. So forget about shots of Kendra in a slutty Eagles jersey during the game and in tabloids. It would seem head coach Andy Reid has a lot to learn about modern football. (foxsports)

PATRICK SWAYZE
– these are reportedly the last pictures ever taken of him, in Beverly Hills on 8.25.09. He was understandably camera shy as the cancer took over. In a sense, I’m the same way. I don’t post many pictures of myself because I don’t want to be known as just a pretty face.  (hq jump here.  source = flynet)

1952 – 2009

By brendon September 14, 2009 @ 9:14 PM

71115965MK018_Guys_Dolls_Ph

In January of 2008, Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with Stage IV pancreatic cancer. Stage IV is the final of the five stages (0,1,2,3,4), meaning the cancer had already spread to other organs. Given just weeks to survive, he continued to travel with his wife of 34 years, to work on his A&E series ‘the Beast’ and to defy the odds. Until today.

Patrick Swayze, the actor and classically trained dancer whose role in the enduringly popular “Dirty Dancing” made him a movie star, one who struggled with the alienation of fame and against being typecast as a leading man, died Monday. He was 57.
Swayze, who also starred in the blockbuster film ” Ghost,” died with his family at his side, his publicist, Annett Wolf, told the Associated Press.

When I die my greatest hope is that it will be after a life well lived, with someone I love, and my final days marked with dignity. Instead of going to hookers and crying because I can’t get an erection, which is what I do now.