Dick Clark died today

By brendon April 18, 2012 @ 4:39 PM

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Dick Clark had a heart attack and died today while at St. Johns Hospital in LA, where he arrived yesterday for what was expected to be a routine outpatient procedure. He was 82.

Unfortunately, as you can tell by the 1400 word obituary the Associated Press was sitting on and how he looked this year on his ‘New Years Rockin Eve’ show, this was not unexpected and Clark has been in declining health since a stroke in 2004. Another bad sign is that about half of the pictures that come up for him after a google image search are in black and white.

Whitney left everything/nothing to her daughter

By brendon March 07, 2012 @ 7:19 PM

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Hopefully Bobby Brown wasn’t expecting any kind of a windfall when Whitney Houston died, because her will was filed today in Atlanta, and Inside Edition says she left literally everything to their 19-year-old daughter.

Bobbi Kristina gets everything: all of Houston’s money, furniture, clothing, personal effects, jewelry, and cars.  ?The money will be placed in a trust until Bobbi Kristina turns 21. She gets more money when she turns 25 and the rest when she is 30.?

But don’t be too jealous, because Whitney, who sold over 200 million records during her career, wasn’t just broke, but $20 million in debt, according to The Daily:

Houston was out of cash in 2001 when she signed what was said to be a $100 million deal with Sony for six albums. While the agreement could have been worth $100 million if things had gone right, Houston only collected about $40 million. “It’s really an advance against sales. They loaned her the money, and her records didn’t sell.”
Based on the meager sales figures, “She owes Sony at least $20 million. She’s going to have to sell 5 million more records before her family sees a dime.”

And that seems unlikely, since ghosts don’t really sing. They pretty much just say “Boo!” Maybe she could do one of those Spooky Halloween Sounds cd’s that you get at Hallmark.

Whitney had a premonition of her death. Gee you don’t say.

By brendon February 15, 2012 @ 1:50 PM

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In September of 2001 there was a rumor that Whitney Houston had died of a drug overdose (which seemed reasonable because she overdosed twice the year before), and it became so prevalent that her publicist even had to issue an official denial.

Point being, Whitney Houston was high as fuck, non-stop, for at least 12 years. So, yeah. You don’t exactly have to be Spider-Man to anticipate some sort of danger on the horizon.

TMZ says…

Whitney Houston told friends she “really wanted to see Jesus” in the days before her death … and claimed she had a feeling the end was near for her.
Whitney had been very spiritual in her final days, quoting the bible, singing hymns and engaging in intense conversations about Jesus Christ and the afterlife.
(One day before she died) she told a friend, “I’m gonna go see Jesus … I want to see Jesus.”
The next morning, hours before her death, Whitney was discussing a bible passage involving John the Baptist and Jesus, when Houston flashed a big smile and remarked, “You know, he’s so cool … I really want to see that Jesus.”

Awww. I bet her weed dealer Jesus will be really touched when he reads this.

was Whitney Houston murdered?

By brendon February 14, 2012 @ 2:19 PM

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Spolier Alert: no. Actually there’s no evidence of this being anything but a drug overdose and an accident, but Nancy Grace was on CNN last night implying it might have been murder anyway.

“I’d like to know who was around her, who, if anyone gave her drugs, following alcohol and drugs, and who let her slip, or pushed her, underneath that water?”
“Apparently no signs of force or trauma to the body. Who let Whitney Houston go under her water?”

Is Nancy Grace seriously so fat that she thinks people can’t slip the surface of water without some kind of help? CNN could have gotten literally anyone on earth and they would have been better than this dolt, even if all that person did was go outside and sit in a tree house.

(image source of whitney last night in her fancy gold hearse, being taken from the airport in newark to the funeral home = pacific coast)

Whitney Houston is easily replaced

By brendon February 13, 2012 @ 12:45 PM

Everyone was really sad last night at the Grammies, just one day after Whitney Houston died, because she was such a special talent and impossible to replace. So to make everyone feel better, Jennifer Hudson sang Whitney’s big hit, “I Will Always Love You”.

That of course is a song that Dolly Parton wrote in 1973, and Hudson sang it every bit as good as she did, so it turns out Whitney is not that special and can be replaced on about 24 hours notice. Whew, what a relief!

the kick didn’t wake up Whitney Houston

By brendon February 13, 2012 @ 9:34 AM

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When Whitney Houston was found dead on Saturday at the Beverly Hilton at the age of 48, early reports suggested she may have fallen asleep or blacked out in the bathtub and drowned. Oh but you’ll never guess why she blacked out. Not in a million years.

Whitney Houston’s family was told by L.A. County Coroner officials she did not die from drowning, but rather from what appears to be a combination of Xanax and other prescription drugs mixed with alcohol … this according to family sources (and TMZ).

Which Radar pretty much confirms:

Houston had “a plethora of sedatives including Lorazepam, Valium, Xanax, and a sleeping medication that was found in her hotel room,” a law enforcement source tells us.

So there you go. Whitney Houston got drunk and high and drowned. It’s like if Tyler Perry had made ‘Inception’.