Demi Moore’s Pool Claims a Life

By Lex July 20, 2015 @ 9:28 AM


Demi Moore was shocked by the death of a 21-year old man in her pool over the weekend. This kind of thing only happens every now and then at Moore’s house so she’s still not quite used to it. Publicists for the family are quick to point out that while Demi and her three unemployed adult daughters routinely throw late night cinnamon challenges at the Beverly Hills home, they were all out of town this weekend pretending to do shit and the house was in the hands of the caretaker. Caretaker being the agreed upon W-2 title for the young female Moore family connect who often bunks out at the house.

The caretaker, who by definition failed, is claiming limited alcohol was served at the party. Or, more precisely, just enough to get a guy who had no idea how to swim to tip into a pool and drown without anybody else noticing. Everybody is wondering how Demi Moore will respond in regard to her house. Will she sell it? Can she ever look at that pool again? If she fires the caretaker, who brings over the Adderall with just a quick text reminder? The other dude is already dead. Life goes on. Has anybody called Juan the pool guy? We’re going to need more chlorine.

Demi Moore and Her Girls in Bikinis And Shit Around The Web

By Jack June 23, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Demi Moore has the right idea about posing next to girls who aren’t as hot as she is. So, it’s her daughters. That’s clearly not her fault. Bruce!

Demi Moore and her chinny daughters in bikinis, it’s a thing (Egotastic)

Mariah Carrey’s milk jugs swinging on a boat. (TMZ)

James Horner’s heart WILL NOT go on. (Huffington Post)

Alessandra Ambrosio’s ass in a bikini. (Drunken Stepfather)

Samantha Hoopes in a bikini fills my cougar loving heart. (Hollywood Tuna)

Hooters International Swimsuit Pageant contestants are some spicy hot wings. (COED)

Mexican weather girl Yanet Garcia is muy caliente. (The Chive)

Rumer And Demi Self Exploitation

By Matt May 27, 2015 @ 7:05 AM


Rumer Willis and Demi Moore dressed up as twins and pretended they weren’t praying on your most base of sexual fantasies. I don’t know where the mother/daughter thing ranks in terms of the bed post notch pantheon but I’d put it somewhere below actual twins and most certainly cooler than banging a local while vacationing in Barbados if not for the health implications. Something’s not normal when you can’t tell a mother and her kid apart minus the prison ink. One of you is either dropping the ball or mildly out of focus. People used to have real hobbies. You never see birdhouses anymore. Rumer’s caption was both a compliment to her mother and some shameless self flattery:

“That moment when you realize you actually are becoming your mother #twinning #imnotmad.”

Calm down Sheriff Woody. There’s more to looking like someone than strapping on the same onesie. You’re also giving up thirty years. Lifetime I’m down in Vegas but not liking those odds. What else is in that prop closet? It better have two heads. I’m not amused.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Ashton Kutcher And Mila Kunis Might Be Engaged

By Travis November 06, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Now that his divorce from Demi Moore is almost complete, and the 50-year old actress is done actually taking part of his large fortune thanks to no pre-nup, Ashton Kutcher is free to take his relationship with Mila Kunis to the next level. Despite reports that Ashton and Mila were already secretly engaged, the Daily Mail claims that Ashton is now set to propose and make an honest woman out of his former That 70s Show star. And if his proposal will be anything like his acting career, it will be shallow, obnoxious, emotionless and totally void of any passion, reality and honesty. So best of luck to Ashton and Mila on this practice effort for their next marriages.

Photo Credit: TNYF/

Demi Moore Won’t Be Getting More Divorce Cash

By Jack October 31, 2013 @ 2:47 PM

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher’s unnatural marriage is finally over and Ashton will not have to support the old crone financially. The divorce has been in a nasty back and forth for a couple of years now. Demi wanted spousal support from Ashton because he cheated on her and she hasn’t made a movie anybody cared about since 1992. The judge said that since they were married in California, which is a no fault state, he doesn’t have to pay shit. Furthermore she isn’t entitled to any of that Two and a Half Men fortune. Poor Demi. She made $90 million off of her divorce from Bruce Willis. I guess all she got out of this marriage was the dude from Punk’d slopping away on top of her while imagining he was inside Mila Kunis. I guess that’s still more than most women get.

Why Do Celebrity Dudes Get Married?

By Johnny Redd March 08, 2013 @ 6:36 PM

Demi Moore just filed for alimony support against Ashton Kutcher in their divorce proceedings. Since Demi Moore is worth a boatload of cash, take this legal move as a big fuck you to Ashton who cheated on Demi with between one and four-hundred and twenty-seven other women, driving Demi to become a Whip-It fiend.

Michael Jordan filed for a marriage license this week to make it all legal with his new squeeze. The last love of his life wife Juanita got $168 million in a divorce settlement that included testimony from the vaginas of dozens of women not his wife. Despite the massive payout, Jordan figures, what the hell, why not take a voluntary dip back into those waters. Dumbass.

There are many things in life that are mandatory, but marriage isn’t one of them. It’s a completely voluntary act that for some reason men with fame, money, and the ability to have endless amounts of sex with tons of women, still enter into willingly despite the immense odds that they will eventually be ass-raped in for their ode to romance. Why?

It’s okay to think with your dick. Just don’t let it start signing contracts.