Adrianne Palicki is our new Wonder Woman

By brendon February 17, 2011 @ 10:23 AM

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Deadline says today that Adrianne Palicki of Friday Night Lights has not only won the role of Wonder Woman in the new NBC series, but she was the only actress even invited to test for it.

Unfortunately that’s not Palicki in the headline. That’s Denise Milani. Palicki is apparently a good actress, HitFix seems to think she’s perfect for this, but it won’t really matter.

Let’s not kid each other; Wonder Woman is pretty useless. Her only weapon is a lasso. A rope, with a hoop on the end. You ever been in a bad neighborhood and thought, “man, if only I had a rope with a hoop on the end right now.” If your baby calf is running away, there’s no one more qualified to help than Wonder Woman. Other than that she’s basically a tall Hooters waitress who took some tae-bo classes.

This show is actually fascinating because it could be one of the most shockingly bad and confusing shows to ever air on television. The Daily Beast got a copy of the script for the pilot, and suffice to say that Diana Prince/Wonder Woman is a bit different now.

Los Angeles-based mega-billionaire Diana—who collects planes and a multitude of transforming aircraft called “Ultimates” (no invisible plane in sight here)—as she attempts to take down an evil pharmaceutical company run by morally corrupt scientist Veronica Cale, who is mass-producing a human-growth hormone that is causing its users, mostly black inner city youth, to die. Along the way, she tackles criminals, a Senate subcommittee, and a broken heart, the latter courtesy of lost love Steve Trevor.

She also has some third identity; “mousy assistant Diana Price”.

Go ahead and read that again you want. You can read it every day until you’re a hundred and it’s still not gonna make an ounce of sense. I was hoping they’d at least cast some hot piece of ass with big tits. Like they did with Lynda Carter. I’d watch a home movie about my girlfriend being gangbanged if they stuck a topless picture of Lynda Carter in the corner. But no. No they didn’t do that.

love hewitt wants to play wonder woman, is delusional

By brendon June 10, 2010 @ 10:50 AM

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I don’t think there’s been any movement on the Wonder Woman movie in years, but Jennifer Love Hewitt seems to think there is, and that she would be a perfect choice to play the superhero. I wonder how she plans on getting her fat ass in that costume.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is pleading with movie studio bosses at Warner Bros. to hire her for the part.
She says, “I’m fighting so hard. I think Warner Bros. is getting ready to make Wonder Woman and I really want to play Wonder Woman. I am obsessed with Wonder Woman.”

You can forget about it fatty. Just cast Megan Fox. Or Denise Milani (below). Wonder Woman doesn’t really do anything anyway so how hard could it be. She was constantly getting captured and none of her ideas ever worked. She would lasso the monsters foot and then the monster would walk away with a lasso on its foot and after that she had no plan. At best she would distract the monster with her big tits and slutty little outfit, turning it from a regular monster to a horny monster with a hard on, which is actually much much worse than a regular monster, I would have thought. 

lindsay lohan is denying that jessica alba rumor

By brendon December 04, 2009 @ 1:25 PM

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(NOTE: I’d like to get an erection this weekend, so I’m not gonna risk looking up Lohan pictures just because the story is about her. So instead, hey look, it’s Denise Milani decorating a Christmas tree while her huge boobs spread holiday cheer to all. Specifically to my cock.)

Two days ago it was mentioned (here) that Lindsay Lohan was allegedly caught kissing Jessica Albas husband, Cash Warren. The story was that Cash was out with his friends and Lindsay was at the same bar (A bar? Oh I know. I was surprised too). Us magazine said…

Soon after discovering one another at Villa, Warren and Lohan “ignored friends and just chatted.” The real trouble began half an hour in. “Lindsay and Cash started making out,” an onlooker tells Us.
“Lip on tongue,” the eyewitness continues, “It was raw. They were not shy!”
Another Villa patron that night gasped, “It was a shock to see the two of them kiss, but it was real.”

No one in their right mind would believe that any man would go from Jessica Alba, who is physically perfect, to Lindsay Lohan, who would be like fucking a chain link fence. But Lindsay gave E! online a denial anyway.

“Cash Warren is a BUSINESS partner, nothing more, nothing less. And I have NO interest in anything but focusing on my career/work, as well as my family, and getting everyone holiday gifts! Eeeks-stressful!”

Someone needs to go back to Writing A Denial school because none of that made any sense whatsoever. The next time she’s asked about it this dumb bitch might as well put her finger under her nose like it was a mustache and say she’s not Lindsay.

thursday afternoon headlines

By brendon November 05, 2009 @ 7:53 PM

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DAVID LETTERMAN – is now a woman. Or at least will be during the ‘Law and Order’ episode about a talk show host who gets blackmailed after having affairs with members of her staff.  I know what you’re thinking. “Wow this post got surprisingly boring considering it started out by saying ‘David Letterman is now a woman.’”  Yeah sorry about that.  (e! online)

JON GOSSELIN – is so screwed. The law firm representing TLC in their breach of contract lawsuit against him have deposed his gf, his bodyguards, and even his former lawyers to find out if he was earning money from outside appearances. This moron is so done. TLC might as well coat him in honey and throw him in a bear cage too.  (radar)

JAMES GANDOLFINI – punched a photographer trying to videotape him shopping in the West Village.  And it would have hurt too, except that Gandolfini is a fat tub of shit and actors are all pussies.  (huffington)

CHRIS BROWN – will run his comeback “Fan Appreciation” tour through a series of small and intimate venues, starting with the House of Blues in Houston next week. So far ticket sales have been steady. Because there’s nothing more steady than “zero”. (daily news)

DENISE MILANI – is here dressed as Wonder Woman because these headlines were all kind of boring. Her costume is a little different from the original, but she still has the golden lasso and the bulletproof bracelets. Know what else is bulletproof? My dick right now. (denisemilani.com)

Afternoon Headlines

By brendon August 06, 2009 @ 6:49 PM

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KATY PERRY – has agreed to be one of the guest judges replacing Paula Abdul during the American Idol auditions, which begin tomorrow in Denver. It’s not clear who the fourth judge will be for that.  One artist who is being mentioned is busty bikini model Denise Milani, although mostly by me, just now.  (source = ny daily news)

STEVEN TYLER – the Aerosmith lead singer suffered head, neck and shoulder injuries after falling off a stage in Rapid City, South Dakota. Specifically, at the Buffalo Chip Campground, where the concert was being held. In a related story, are you fucking kidding me. (fox news)

JASON STATHAM – FUN FACT: even cool guys look like spazzy dorks in diving masks. FUN FACT 2 – but don’t mention that because Jason Statham will murder you with a jetski and laugh while doing it. (hq jump here. source = splash and fame)

Kate rocks her bikini bod

By admin June 01, 2009 @ 1:10 AM

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Stuff like that headline, or, oh, better yet, “This woman has 8 kids?!?!” is the kind of thing that would be here if this was Entertainment Tonight or People, or if it was the beginning of our journey to the land of make believe.

I’m sure tons of women would love to convince us Kate looks good because it lowers the bar for all of them, but she doesn’t. She looks like shit. That she had 8 kids is irrelevant. My penis is like a great white shark: it can’t be bargained with, it can’t be reasoned with, it doesn’t care about explanations or excuses. Look at Denise Milani. She’s a girl, and she’s at the beach just like Kate. So why doesn’t Kate look like Denise? Is it laziness? Selfishness? It might be all that and more, but there are just as many Denise pictures as ones of Kate below, so hopefully this will help balance Kate’s monster-like appearance.

(image source = splash.  full size jump = here)