DAVID LETTERMAN - is now a woman. Or at least will be during the ‘Law and Order’ episode about a talk show host who gets blackmailed after having affairs with members of her staff. I know what you’re thinking. “Wow this post got surprisingly boring considering it started out by saying ‘David Letterman is now a woman.’” Yeah sorry about that. (e! online)
JON GOSSELIN - is so screwed. The law firm representing TLC in their breach of contract lawsuit against him have deposed his gf, his bodyguards, and even his former lawyers to find out if he was earning money from outside appearances. This moron is so done. TLC might as well coat him in honey and throw him in a bear cage too. (radar)
JAMES GANDOLFINI - punched a photographer trying to videotape him shopping in the West Village. And it would have hurt too, except that Gandolfini is a fat tub of shit and actors are all pussies. (huffington)
CHRIS BROWN - will run his comeback “Fan Appreciation” tour through a series of small and intimate venues, starting with the House of Blues in Houston next week. So far ticket sales have been steady. Because there’s nothing more steady than “zero”. (daily news)
DENISE MILANI - is here dressed as Wonder Woman because these headlines were all kind of boring. Her costume is a little different from the original, but she still has the golden lasso and the bulletproof bracelets. Know what else is bulletproof? My dick right now. (denisemilani.com)
KATY PERRY - has agreed to be one of the guest judges replacing Paula Abdul during the American Idol auditions, which begin tomorrow in Denver. It’s not clear who the fourth judge will be for that. One artist who is being mentioned is busty bikini model Denise Milani, although mostly by me, just now. (source = ny daily news)
STEVEN TYLER - the Aerosmith lead singer suffered head, neck and shoulder injuries after falling off a stage in Rapid City, South Dakota. Specifically, at the Buffalo Chip Campground, where the concert was being held. In a related story, are you fucking kidding me. (fox news)
JASON STATHAM - FUN FACT: even cool guys look like spazzy dorks in diving masks. FUN FACT 2 - but don’t mention that because Jason Statham will murder you with a jetski and laugh while doing it. (hq jump here. source = splash and fame)
Stuff like that headline, or, oh, better yet, “This woman has 8 kids?!?!” is the kind of thing that would be here if this was Entertainment Tonight or People, or if it was the beginning of our journey to the land of make believe.
I’m sure tons of women would love to convince us Kate looks good because it lowers the bar for all of them, but she doesn’t. She looks like shit. That she had 8 kids is irrelevant. My penis is like a great white shark: it can’t be bargained with, it can’t be reasoned with, it doesn’t care about explanations or excuses. Look at Denise Milani. She’s a girl, and she’s at the beach just like Kate. So why doesn’t Kate look like Denise? Is it laziness? Selfishness? It might be all that and more, but there are just as many Denise pictures as ones of Kate below, so hopefully this will help balance Kate’s monster-like appearance.
(image source = splash. full size jump = here)
