Dianna Agron is back. Actually, I don’t know if she ever went anywhere, but, fuck, I’ll announce her as back. She’s the chick on Glee whose shrill voice didn’t drive her boyfriend to mix heroin and champagne in a Canadian hotel room. Though I guess it’s possible she has too. I don’t follow Glee so much since I’m neither lonely or gay. Though I am pretty fucking isolated and I did once call Lance Bass super talented in a YouTube comment. So I’m very very close.
MySpace is apparently back with a brand new design, and the people behind it celebrated last night by throwing a party at the El Rey Theatre in Los Angeles with a bunch of really cool young people to let you know how hip it is. Among the stars in attendance were Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Tisdale and Maxim’s No. 1 on the Hot 100 list, Miley Cyrus, who once again wasn’t even the hottest woman at a MySpace party on a Wednesday night.
Tara Reid was also there, which sounds a little strange because she’s neither young nor cool, but I think her purpose was to stand on the stage under a sign that read, “Then” so it would make sense when Olivia Wilde stood under a sign that read, “Now”.
COLDPLAY – announced today that their next record is called ‘Mylo Xyloto’. Which I believe is Latin for “Homo Music”. (coldplay.com)
ALEC BALDWIN – will host SNL for the 16th time during the season premiere on September 24th. Radiohead will be the musical guest. SNL has now been on the air for 37 years, which is astounding because if I were to make a list of things to do on a Saturday night, watching that joyless piece of shit wouldn’t crack the top hundred, even well behind things like “go to an observatory”, “wait for the zoo to open”, “stable my scrotum to things” and “sit perfectly still”. (yahoo)
ALEC BALDWIN – announced that he will not run for mayor of New York in 2013, but might at some point. I’ll try to to have a more comprehensive list of people who aren’t running for mayor on Monday. (ny times)
JANI LANE – died in a Woodland Hills Comfort Inn yesterday at the age of 47. The former Warrant lead singer was found with a half empty bottle of vodka and a yet unidentified bottle of prescription pills. Hopefully whoever found him thought to put him face down in a cherry pie before calling 911. Because hey, life can be funny sometimes. (msnbc)
DIANNA AGRON – was on the set of ‘Glee’ yesterday with sexy new pink hair. What a utopia this world would be if more hot girls followed Diannas lead and dyed their hair slutty colors. (pcn)
One week ago today, Alex Pettyfer was the star of a huge new movie franchise, had a beautiful girlfriend, and a house that wasn’t on fire. Now for an update: reverse all that.
His movie I Am Number Four was a disappointing third at the box office, Dianna Agron broke up with him, and the garage of his Beverly Hills house is currently smoldering. Fox LA says…
The home once shared by Glee actress Dianna Agron and actor Alex Pettyfer caught fire Thursday night. The fire was reported at 5:41 p.m. at the N. Beverly Drive home … the blaze was under control in 24 minutes.
Maybe he has fire breathing fists, like Charlie Sheen. Because according to Us, he’s sort of crazy.
(Since breaking up with Pettyfer) Agron “is staying at a hotel under an alias”.
Why the secrecy? Pettyfer has been “a psycho loose cannon” in the aftermath of the split, another insider says.
On Feb. 18, according to an eyewitness, he got into a heated confrontation with actor Sebastian Stan — furiously accusing him of hooking up with Agron.
“Dianna is terrified of [Alex],” a pal explains, adding that he “absolutely lost it” and threatened Agron during a vicious phone chat.
Just three days ago, Ted Casablanca on E! wrote something similar about Pettyfer, though not nearly as bad, so maybe he is crazy. It’s hard to tell. Rihanna started to flinch when she read this, if that means anything.
UNKNOWN – won the weekend box office with $21.8 million, but the heavily hyped I Am Number Four only managed 3rd place with 19.2. So apparently you can be a brooding teenager with special powers and a forbidden love all you want, but if you’re not a vampire, fuck off. (deadline)
DIANNA AGRON AND ALEX PETTYFER – are the stars of I Am Number Four, and they’ve dated for about a year, until this weekend, when they broke up. So overall it was a great weekend for these two. Maybe today they’ll fall down the stairs and swallow a bee. (us)
AMANDA SEYFRIED AND RYAN PHILLIPPE – reportedly broke up last week, but they were making out Friday night at L Bar in Hollywood. Or so she thinks, thanks to those pills I put in her drink. (star)
HOLLY MADISON – had her hands cast in cement outside the Planet Hollywood at Caesars Palace in Vegas. Because that’s why she’s famous. Her hands. (wenn)
JWOWW – has turned down a $400,000 offer to pose naked for Playboy. “I am not going to do Playboy in the near future. There is a better opportunity out there, which everybody will probably see soon.” That money is gonna look pretty good a year from now when she’s strapped to a spinning wheel of wood while someone throws knives at her. (huff post)
DIANNA AGRON – of ‘Glee’ posted about their sexy GQ photo shoot. “If you are hurt or these photos make you uncomfortable, it was never our intention. And if your eight-year-old has a copy of our GQ cover in hand, again I am sorry. But I would have to ask, how on earth did it get there?”
I have a message for concerned parents too: I don’t give a fuck about your stupid kid. You had it, you raise it. Dianna can bake the little bastards into a pie for all I care. (tumblr)
FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER – but only if you’re a hot, slutty girl. Or a regular, slutty girl who can keep a secret. (twitter)