Dina Lohan Goes To Court For Her DUI

By Lex September 25, 2013 @ 11:28 AM

Dina Lohan Goes To Court For Her DUI In Long Island
In a family turn of the screw nobody saw coming, Dina Lohan used her elderly mom as a sympathetic prop at her court hearing for sloppy drunk driving. During the hearing, the police reported that Dina was a ginormous asshole at the scene of her arrest, including name-dropping  ‘Oprah’. In a more enlightened society that would earn you an immediate beat down. Dina pled not-guilty to the DUI charges despite blowing a whopping .20 and admitting to drinking a couple or three big glasses of wine before driving. If found guilty, the court will place Dina Lohan into a time machine and send her back to be sterilized the day before she first had sex with Michael Lohan.

Photo Credit: Dina Lohan

Dina Lohan May Soon Be Homeless

By Jack September 20, 2013 @ 4:35 PM

Useless sack of stage mom shit Dina Lohan may soon lose her home to foreclosure. It seems that Dina forgot to pay the mortgage on her Long Island house. She’s fallen behind on house payments before, maybe because she just sits on her ass fanning her chocha and living off her train wreck daughter. Lindsay bailed her out last year with the bank but Lindsay isn’t exactly rolling in dough right now. Dina may lose the house in just a couple of months unless she can pay back what she owes. One more arrest and her need for lodging will probably be fairly moot, still, count on her sickly attached daughters to come to her rescue once more. They love them their mommy. In a Manson family kind of way.

Dina Lohan Blows a .20 For the DUI Cops

By Lex September 13, 2013 @ 2:10 PM


The minute Lindsay Lohan said she no longer blamed her parents for turning her into a substance abusing gutter crawler, I knew she had not completed her training. All that bullshit about getting past the hate is utter nonsense. You’re supposed to hate people that are rotten. That’s why God invented the power to hate. Dina and Michael Lohan are exactly who you’re supposed to loathe. I hate them and I didn’t even have to listen to them having make-up sex after the bruisings like Lindsay did. Fuck Oprah and every other fat woman who claim to have the answer to inner peace. You don’t get over things that make sense. C’mon, Lindsay, just call them wretched pieces of human fecal matter and suddenly you won’t feel the need to sleep with a vodka bottle tucked next to your womb.

Dina Lohan got busted in her beemer cruising at twice the legal limit B.A.C.. Her first order of business was to concoct a phony excuse about police abuse at the scene. Her second step was to be thankful she didn’t have a job of any kind to get to in the morning.

Photo Credit: (mug shot) Splash News, (other) Getty, WENN

Lindsay Lohan Moving In With Mom

By Lex July 10, 2013 @ 5:20 PM

Lindsay And Dina Lohan Shop On Robertson Blvd In Los Angeles
While everybody with a real degree in some science is urging Lindsay Lohan to continue residing in a sober inpatient facility after her 90-day court order ends at the end of July, Lindsay has instead chosen her mom’s house. So, the opposite of a sober facility. More like a crack den rife with crazy. It should be an interesting experiment to see whether a woman who has repeatedly failed at shaking her drug and alcohol addition is actually supported by moving in with her enabling drug addicted mother. That’s not really an experiment I guess. But it is wonderful news for Lindsay’s suppliers.

Photo Credit: Getty, WENN

Dina Lohan Is Praying For Amanda Bynes

By Travis June 12, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

VH1 launched a new show called The Gossip Table last week, and it has already run out of guests as Dina Lohan was on yesterday to talk mostly about her daughter Ali Lohan’s new modeling career. But because that’s really boring, Lindsay Lohan’s mom and woman who believes that Forever 21 is a motto and not just a store was asked about her thoughts on Amanda Bynes’ current meltdown.

To her credit, Dina didn’t act like she was some sort of world class parenting expert, as she didn’t really want to talk about it, according to In Touch. But because she’s such a spiritual soul, so in tune with the workings of the universe and the goodness of the greater power, Dina said that she prays for Amanda. And when reached for comment, God replied, “Bitch, please.”

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Dina Lohan Stiffs A Charity

By Jack June 05, 2013 @ 3:00 PM

Dina Lohan is being sued for stiffing a charity and running out on a huge bill at a gala event last year. She ran up a monster bar tab trying to drink herself back to 46 and then pledged $1500 to The Clamshell Foundation, which helps underprivileged kids. Then, she didn’t pay up. She made big bucks exploiting her kids, but not enough leftover after the coke and Botox to hand over her pledge. Who the fuck stiffs a charity that helps kids? Can we come together as Americans and decide to put her down like the wretched dog that she is?