Yesterday it was reported that Lindsay Lohan may not be spending 90 days in rehab, because the judge that sentenced her has since recused herself (*). Now, instead of doing a 45-day program twice, which is apparently common, Lindsay might do it once (though in all likelihood, the new judge will order her to stay for the full 90).
Naturally, Lindsays mom Dina Lohan was on the Today show this morning, and – brace yourself – told everyone that her darling child is an innocent little lamb that everyone picks on for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
This bitch is reprehensible. She’s the reason Lindsay doesn’t know right from wrong. She’s the reason Lindsay is such a fuck up. If Dina died today, I’d dig her up tomorrow, bury her upside down then build a neighborhood on her grave so she could never rest.
Lindsay Lohan started drinking again Sunday night, and her lawyer admits it, but Lindsays mom Dina is taking it all in stride. And by that I mean she’s a reprehensible cunt who refuses to discipline her whore daughter, who now lives in a world of delusion where she’s never at fault and everyone who thinks otherwise is just jealous.
For someone who lies as much as Lindsay Lohan does, you’d really think she’d have a better grasp of how it works by now. Just because some lonely idea has appeared inside your drug riddled mind doesn’t mean it was the winning plan. When Lindsay claims all the flights are full or she has to wait for a new passport, she might as well say she has to stay because she was elected mayor. All her stupid claims can be investigated in about a minute.
So with that in mind, are you ready my friends? Brace yourself…
Lindsay Lohan has not requested a new passport and may be stuck in France for a little while longer, Radar Online has exclusively confirmed.
Maryse Nebatti, the Duty Officer in Marseille for the U.S. Embassy in France, (said) Lindsay reported the passport stolen but “has not requested a new passport.”
The embassy office in Marseille is the closest location to Lindsay who has been in Cannes promoting her latest role as porn star Linda Lovelace.
Lindsay’s mother Dina told Radar that her passport was stolen and she was turned away from a flight back to the United States on Tuesday.
“This was not a planned scheme,” she said.
It’s chilling to watch Dina Lohan slowly push her own kids toward certain death and destruction. She never corrects or criticizes Lindsay and so Lindsay never stops. She pushes the limit more and more. Dina is fucking evil. Like if you went to the zoo with her all the tigers and lions would be backing up and roaring at her, and then she would stare at them and they would run away.
PEOPLE WHO READ TYLER - are concerned. About something. I’m not sure what though. Earthquakes? That can’t be right. For future reference, if you want me to read your email, don’t be real hot and certainly don’t include pictures where I can look down your shirt. This link could give everyone some terrible virus for all I know, or just be a .pdf with my social security number, birthday and credit scores. (blaghag)
DINA LOHAN - says Michael Lohan is only pretending to be concerned about Lindsay so he can get control of her money. Yes, if only he had that half-million dollar debt and no possible way of ever coming out of it. THEN, the power would be all his. (radar)
RANDY QUAID - is in jail for walking out on a $10,000 hotel bill that he ran up in Sept, 2009. Wait, he wasn’t in jail for that until now? Jesus Christ. I know for a while there was talk of California seceding from the union. Is that still an option? Because by all means go for it. (people)
MATT AND TREY - say Comedy Central removed a speech about “intimidation and fear” from last nights episode after some dim witted muslims threatened to kill them. The group says South Park insulted their prophet by depicting him in a bear costume. To make matters worse, now a bear group is threatening to eat Matt and Trey for depicting one of them as one of those dirty islam idiots. (yahoo)
SANDRA BULLOCK - reportedly would have stayed with Jesse James if his cheating had not gone public and had been dealt with privately. Or also had he not banged tons of whores. That would have helped out too. (us.com)
DINA LOHAN - says Michael Lohan is the real problem in this whole Lindsay and Ali incident. She says Michael is crazy, and apparently Lindsay and Ali are doing great. Now I’d like you to open the envelope I gave you earlier today. You’ll see it says exactly that, predicted hours before Dina said anything. I must be some kind of gifted psychic. (radar)
PEOPLE WHO READ TYLER - run a website about legalizing weed and they want to be on ‘Attack of the Show’ to talk about it. So go over here because I guess that helps in some way. If you do it you get to click some buttons. If you don’t, you’ll miss out on all that hot clicking action! (htgb)
ZAHIA DEHAR - is that teenage prostitute in France who slept with a bunch of soccer players. And who turned 18 less than 2 months ago. That’s her below when she was 17. And perhaps 16. She would travel the world, making upwards of 20 grand a month. In a related story, one time when I was 16, I found a dollar and used it to buy a soft taco. I’m a winner! (mirror)
JESSE JAMES - is hoping time in rehab and some privacy will save his marriage. He also thinks maybe some aspirin will bring Brittany Murphy back to life. (the ap)
DINA LOHAN - says the report that Lindsay was behind on her rent is a complete lie and Lindsay is doing great. Man, what a relief. I was worried that Lindsay might be in some kind of trouble. Seems silly in hindsight. (radar)
LINDSAY LOHAN - did bounce her rent checks, but other than that, the story about being behind on her rent is a complete lie. So see, Lindsay did send a check. It’s the thought that counts. (tmz)
JESSICA SIMPSON - says women shouldn’t change just to please a man. “If you’re ever with anyone who says you should change something about yourself then they should never fall in love with you in the first place.” Stay rigid and never compromise, that’s the key to a good relationship, says the girl who is divorced and has no boyfriend. (popeater)
TYLER READERS UNITE - and go to College Humors ‘Hottest College Girl’ contest and vote for Nikki (last girl, south region) because she reads Tyler too and asked me to do this. She’s impossibly gorgeous, has a perfect body and does kegstands in a bikini. Not only should she win, they should rename the championship trophy after her. (contest, facebook)