DMX Isn’t Fighting George Zimmerman Anymore

By Travis February 10, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Much to the surprise of nobody, the celebrity boxing match between rapper DMX and George Zimmerman that was announced on Trayvon Martin’s birthday has been canceled. Promoter Damon Feldman decided that after he’d been called every horrible name in the world by people on Twitter for the last week, he wanted to do whatever wouldn’t get him killed, and that was canceling the fight. Naturally, he’s a man of the people for making such a brave and selfless decision, as he Tweeted, “This was the wrong person to put in the ring and define celebrity boxing. I’d rather be happy and make people happy.” And despite reports that DMX vowed to beat the hell out of George and piss on his face, the rapper’s people claimed that he never even agreed to the fight in the first place, according to the Los Angeles Times. As for George, he’s just going to have to try a little harder to find a spectacle that will allow him to get paid and make people like him, and hopefully it involves hungry and very rapey bears.

Photo Credit: WENN.com

DMX Has Agreed To Fight George Zimmerman

By Travis February 05, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

I don’t know which dictionaries the people behind celebrity boxing are using these days, but the last time I checked, shooting a teenager and becoming the bloated face of both America’s gun control debate and the current state of racism doesn’t make a guy a celebrity. But that’s what Celebrity Boxing promoter Damon Feldman is calling George Zimmerman in his latest bid for attention, and it’s working because 15,000 people apparently responded to the call for someone to beat the shit out of Florida’s golden son. As of today, the man that George will fight is none other than rapper DMX, who is just the desperate has-been that Damon needed to make this terrible idea work. DMX vowed to TMZ that he will “beat the living f**k out him … I am breaking every rule in boxing to make sure I f**k him right up.” And for good measure, he also said he’d piss on George’s face. Naturally, this means that George will win and further his hero status with all of his “fans” who will probably call for him to fight Obama next.

Photo Credit: WENN.com

DMX Streaked Because His Dick Is Big

By Jack September 16, 2013 @ 2:18 PM

We told you last week about DMX going for a bizarre late night streak in a Detroit hotel. A reasonable person, (so, not DMX), might ask, “Why would you do such a thing?” or “Why are you trying to frighten little old cleaning ladies and the three tourists a year who visit Detroit?” DMX revealed his thinking behind the incident to TMZ:

“I got a big dick and I like to show it off.”

Right now I’m searching my feelings to see if I feel any bit of a hypocrite for thinking it’s amazing when big busty women feel so compelled to flash their tits in public but find it abhorrent that a man would ever expose his junk. Um, nope.

DMX Streaks Through A Detroit Hotel

By Jack September 10, 2013 @ 12:51 PM

DMX surprised the staff at a hotel in Detroit by running naked through the hallways. It’s unclear why the rapper decided to let his dog out for the poor cleaning lady to see, other than the fact that he is baby eating crazy and super fucking high most of his waking hours. The best part of this security footage is how nonchalant the employees are trying to be. Then again, in Detroit they’ve probably seen far worse. We may never know why DMX chose to streak through the halls. His ways are mysterious and difficult for regular people like you and I to understand. Like that time he made a noir film with David Arquette then nobody ever heard from him ever again.

MRS. DMX ISN’T VERY SMART

By brendon September 20, 2006 @ 5:05 PM

You guys have probably already read the Ocotber issue of Sister 2 Sister magazine, but if you havent, don’t miss the article where DMX’s wife explains how its cool that her husband had a baby with some random woman, because he got raped.  So it wasn’t his fault.  Because thug rapper DMX was raped.  By a girl.  A girl held down DMX and had her way with him.  And then got she pregnant.  Because he was helpless.  And his wife totally bought this.  AOL Music says:

Tashera Simmons — wife to rapper DMX — stands by her man as he talks openly about recently fathering a child with a Washington, D.C., woman.  “She raped me," (DMX says). "I mean, you know, that might sound like some bullshit. No man has ever been… you know what I mean, like never? Is that the only thing in the world that's not possible?"  Mrs. Simmons recalled an earlier encounter with the woman. "Before the stuff hit the fan, she came up to us while we were in court and said 'I work for kids that are sickly,' said Tashera. "So he said 'Give her my number.' That's how it goes all the time. At first, I said OK. But, then I thought she looked deranged and obsessed with him."  While his wife "blocks out" the experience to cope, DMX gained a more valuable lesson: "Turn on the light before I go to sleep," he said.

Well now I feel kinda silly.  I was under the impression that DMX had a light on.  Of course your penis is gonna end up in a vagina if you try sleeping in the dark.  How could it not?  And make sure the lights are bright.  Studies show that rappers who sleep with just a nightlight risk getting sucked off.  The new nightlights even have little warning stickers.  It's a pair of lips with a circle and line over them.  And whatever you do, don’t pull the shades.  Not unless you wanna wake up in a three way with groupies.  No thank you!