Doutzen Kroes Big on Breastfeeding

By Lex February 13, 2015 @ 1:13 PM

Either you’re for breastfeeding or you’re against it. That’s how this epic battle is lining up. I’ve yet to meet anybody who is against breastfeeding, if for no other reason than that means babies die. That’s a tough position to take at cocktail parties. Doutzen Kroes is one of the many supermodels promoting the natural beauty of breastfeeding by being a really good looking woman with nice tits who posts pictures of her kid suckling her boobs. You could probably successfully promote unsafe sex with the very same visual campaign. Condoms won’t get you a baby any time soon. You could try adult nursing relationships, but then you might start wondering what kind of man might be into adult nursing relationships and you’ll probably want to scrub your tits with lye.

Doutzen’s nipples almost fell out of her top at a swimsuit shoot because they’re big and bulbous and fluid from all that beautiful breastfeeding. Everybody should applaud her efforts I’m holding back until she actually spills out. I don’t give away my approval that easily.

Photo Credit: INF

Victoria’s Secret 2014 Fashion Show British Style

By Lex December 03, 2014 @ 9:25 AM

Victoria Secret 2014 Fashion Show
The Victoria’s Secret fashion show was a huge hit in London last night, aiding the country of England in their annual determination of which of their foppish male denizen are gay and which just seem super gay. It wasn’t quite as crude as a boner test, more like seeing if you said something approximating ‘love the feathers’ at any point during the show. There were a few tense moments when producers worried the black models might hold up some kind of Ferguson protest signs, until somebody remembered they refuse to hire any black models and everything went off without a hitch. Sally forth.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Doutzen Kroes Pregnant, Candice Swanepoel Braless

By Lex May 14, 2014 @ 4:47 PM

Pregnant Doutzen Kroes And Braless Candice Swanepoel Go For A Walk In New York
It’s not easy being an international bra and panties model. First, you’ve got to be born a good looking girl. If that were so easy everybody would be doing it. Then, you can’t eat. I don’t mean ever, just mostly ever, until you learn how to purge. If you get herpes up top, you’re pretty screwed too, so no experimenting with the randy dock boys during middle school. At some point you will need to find an international DJ to knock you up. You want all that impossible to describe talent passed on to your offspring. The idea of them being fondled as a young teen like you were bothers you, though only slightly. Career ends by age 30 and then it’s time for divorce and back to your funky language land to live by the beach with your two kids and your mom and pray you don’t get sunspots because God made you so damn white. It beats being ugly.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, FameFlynet

Doutzen Kroes Models Lingerie For March 2014 Victoria’s Secret

By Lex March 13, 2014 @ 11:18 AM

Doutzen Kroes Models Lingerie For March 2014 Victoria's Secret

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

Doutzen Kroes Announces Her Pregnancy On Instagram

By Lex February 06, 2014 @ 5:17 PM

Doutzen Kroes Announces Her Pregnancy With Covered Nude Photo On Instagram
Back in the day, women used to announce their pregnancy by coyly saying there was a bun in the oven, then all the ladies got together and bought her a toaster or a bottle warmer or a big black dildo for modestly racially tinged shits and giggles. Now when you’re pregnant, you post a half naked picture of yourself on Instagram. Now is so much better than back in the day.

Photo Credit: Doutzen Kroes/Instagram

Doutzen Kroes Wears A Sports Bra For A Victoria’s Secret Event In Miami

By Lex January 15, 2014 @ 11:30 AM

Doutzen Kroes Wears A Sports Bra For A Victoria's Secret Event In Miami

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, WENN