American Apparel Cock Happy CEO Now Broke

By Lex November 06, 2015 @ 10:29 AM


The Canadian rich kid who founded American Apparel and had a solid multi-decade run at running his hands and dicks over young models now claims to be dead broke. It’s easy not to plan for your future when you can get away with so much epic bad shit in your present. Dov Charney is being sued by everybody who can find a lawyer now that the carrousel has stopped on his overpriced sexualized apparel for westside mall girls business. One day you’re running the hippest tawdry clothing company in America and asking underaged chicks in your office if they think your cock resembles a rocket ship the next you’re company is bankrupt and you’re down to your $10 million house and whatever money you squirreled away overseas because you’re a pervert, not an idiot. Life is like a box of chocolates. You can’t offer them to your guests after you’ve stuck your dick in them. It’s time to do the right thing. Sell the house and move to Bolivia with your fifteen year old girlfriend. Don’t let your lewdness and failures define you. Start a blog.

American Apparel Ditches Amateur Porn

By Matt March 25, 2015 @ 8:04 AM


Since American Apparel CEO Dov Charney was fired for being the Pete Rose of sexual harrassment the company is looking to clean up its image and will be fazing out their ads featuring featuring Hollywood newbies spreading their ass cheeks for thirty dollars. Their new Senior VP of Marketing, Cynthia Erland, reportedly told employees to only cast professional ‘traditional’ models and not chicks they meet at the bus stop looking to exchange favors for a McRib. Erland insists the company will be open to fat models and then applied for another job:

“American Apparel embraces body types of all shapes, ethnicities and sizes, and our model casting has and will continue to reflect this.”

They also recently airbrushed the pubes and nipples out of their website and will presumably be covering their models’ anuses with a merkin unlike in years past. How are you going to sell cool tees if I can’t rub one out to your ad on the back of the local Weekly? You just sunk the company Erland. I can see models anywhere. My teen neighbor’s pubes while I’m stuck in traffic, not as often.

Photo Credit: 

Dov Charney Loses His Job, Keeps His Dick

By Lex June 20, 2014 @ 5:39 PM

Dov Charney Speaks At The 2005 LA Fashion Awards
We really need to carve out a Constitutional exception for sexual misconduct and harassment and all such gross behavior rules such as it relates to the fashion and modeling industries. There is no difference between the world of women’s fashion and the porn or prostitution or New Jersey cement business. Sleazy pits of fetid water rife with predators, creeps, and miscreants. Who doesn’t know this? As head of American Apparel, Dov Charney liked to walk around his offices half naked, stroke his dick at rather inappropriate times, ask his female employees to show him their kitties and set him up with their slutty Asian friends. I’m not in a position to judge him on that last one.

Everybody put up with Dov’s gross male shit when times were good because they wanted the paycheck. Plus he’s Canadian and we all know how blood thirsty Canadians deal with squeaky wheels. Those who were more opportunistic sought justice in the form of legal settlements. His company paid out a ton. No criminal complaints, no arrests, no legal cases ever being fully adjudicated. Just cash. In the last couple of years the American Apparel brand tanked, it’s Made in America pledge became burdensomely expensive in the face of sweatshop competition. The company lost a hundred million last year. Creditors are banging on the door. So, now, after fifteen years of waving his dick around like it was Excalibur, Dov Charney suddenly gets ousted by the board for his crude sexual behavior. Because the only color that matters is money, even if the money is slightly tarnished by Dov Charney’s jizz because he thought that was a hilarious gag.

Photo Credit: Getty, American Apparel