US Geological Survey seismologist Dr Lucy Jones went to the premier of the earthquake disaster movie San Andreas and live tweeted her scientific critiques of the film. Doing either of these things alone would make you an asshole. There’s a special place in hell for people who use their cell phones during a movie and it’s located right next to the clown rape station for people who go out of their way to inform you of the scientific or historical inaccuracies of movies. I know George Clooney still isn’t straight in outer space. Shut the fuck up now. An example of her relishing the opportunity to yell about earthquakes on the Internet since people turn the other way at parties to get more Gardetto’s despite the fact they give you bad breath or perhaps on purpose:
“First big howler. San Andreas the movie pretends that California has a subduction zone. We can only have a M8.2″
Jones then imparted her followers to not garner their seismology lessons from Hollywood movies, but a more appropriate venue like Twitter which lets you read a whopping sentence at a time. It’s a movie. People with jobs don’t have time to inject PEDs and eat cartons of eggs all day like Dwyane Johnson but I’ll leave my degree on the wall when lecturing you on it. It’s fake but that’s beside the point. If I see that phone out again I’m calling the usher. Failing that it’s a good day to tour the county jail. Five stars.
It’s getting to the point if you bad mouth Dwayne Johnson an old lady will make the sign of the cross and then spit on you. Johnson is arguably more genuine than Mother Theresa, George Clooney and Norman Rockwell rolled into one person and then shot up with steroids and given some cool tats. Johnson posted on Instagram about his experience meeting a young fan with cancer. He is so genuine he drops all the G’s from his words when he writes because his words are true to life:
“[I saw] these kids in the rearview mirror screamin’ & runnin’ after my truck. Thought to myself, “Should I stop or keep drivin’?”
Shit, you know what The Rock is going to do in this situation. He pulled over his truck and talked with the kids and snapped a picture with Rick Miller, who is battling lymphoma. When all was said and done Johnson reflected on the experience while driving through a field of barley in the snow:
“As I’m drivin’ I start shaking my head (and tearing up) at how fragile life is and how amazing and cool the universe was to make this meeting happen between myself and this special kid Nick Miller. Let’s always take a moment to count our blessings.. cause there’s always something to be grateful for.”
Once you hit it big you can either be super cool or be a fucking dick. Johnson has chosen to be a bad ass Mr T 2.0 and I respect him for it. His dad clearly beat him just the right amount. Pay it forward. Refrain from bothering him and just throw him a wink when you see him in the airport. He’s got bad guys to fight.
Dwayne Johnson is open about being an insane workout guy. This is refreshing if you’ve ever met the super ripped dude who claims he only works out on occasion yet actually owns three gym memberships so people don’t notice what a psycho he is. The guy who’s dying to chug a sixer of beer but claims he’s ‘seeking clarity.’ Even though you’ll definitely bang college chicks, the amount of effort involved to attain Hercules status is unreasonable. Johnson recently posted a photo of his disgusting daily breakfast and his language suggests he is bugging out of his mind on the legal speed they sell at GNC:
“Breakfast of champions.. (or slightly crazy individuals). 5 packs of Cream of Wheat, 4 liquid chickens (scrambled) and 8oz of dead buffalo (or bison). #PostCardioBreakfast #TheRedSauceIsLionBlood #AlsoKnownAsKetchup.”
Fucking gross. If you’re wondering how much time you have to spend eating and therefore shitting to become The Rock, this is the amount of food he eats every day:
“Meal 1: 10 oz cod, 2 whole egg, 2 cups oatmeal Meal 2: 8 oz cod, 12 oz sweet potato, 1 cup veggies Meal 3: 8 oz chicken, 2 cups white rice, 1 cup veggies Meal 4: 8 oz cod, 2 cups rice, 1 cup veggies, 1 tbsp fish oil Meal 5: 8 oz steak, 12 oz baked potato, spinach salad Meal 6: 10 oz cod, 2 cups rice, salad Meal 7: 30 grams casein protein, 10 egg-white omelet, 1 cup veggies (onions, peppers, mushrooms), 1 tbsp omega-3 fish oil.”
Good luck keeping that freshman chick around when your bowels and bathroom are a superfund site. Couple that with having to wake up twice a night to chug egg whites and you’re searching for extra options. Factor in that Leo DiCaprio pulls chicks while his workout routine entails cheesesteaks in the sauna with a Walker Blue and egg cream chaser. Fuck a liquid chicken. Smell what I’m cookin’?
If you know anything at all about bodybuilding, then you know how laugh-out-loud stupid it was for Michael Bay to cast Mark Wahlberg as a bodybuilder alongside Dwayne Johnson in the movie ‘Pain and Gain’.
As you can see in these pictures taken on set today in Miami, he doesn’t even know how to cycle right so he doesn’t get bloated. He looks absolutely nothing like a real bodybuilder. He looks like an arena league linebacker that running backs would point at as they jog into the end zone.
(image source of johnson, wahlberg and anthony mackie = inf, bauer griffin)
A violent new red-band trailer for ‘Faster’ came out today, and finally Dwayne Johnson is punching people in the face like he should be. Maybe now we can get some decent action movies, instead of Jake Gyllenhaal prancing around the desert. Putting that sugary little treat in an action movie is like a MMA fight with basset hounds. They would both just sit there, and the winner would be decided by whoever gave the other one the fewest kisses. And it would still be more exciting than ‘Prince of Persia’.