Eddie Murphy Keeps on Breeding

By Lex November 05, 2015 @ 7:18 AM


Eddie Murphy’s Australian model girlfriend is set to give birth to Eddie Murphy’s ninth kid by his fourth breeding partner. So stop asking where the fuck is Eddie Murphy. He’s fucking. You don’t have nine kids by accident. Reproduction’s a thing you sometimes see women addicted to, but it’s odd for a man who doesn’t wear a sports jersey and move from town to town for a living. Eddie Murphy is rumored to spend his days watching TV and often comes off extremely curt and surly when interviewed. It’s possible he’s just tired from all that baby making. Male lions sleep 20 hours a day. Eddie Murphy sperm doesn’t come from the magic genie lamp. Now get me a seasonal latte and we’ll go at this again after Love Boat. Let’s call this one Marcus. Have I used that already?

Photo credit: Getty Images

Bill Cosby And Eddie Murphy Simpatico

By Matt February 23, 2015 @ 7:34 AM


Eddie Murphy was supposed to do a Bill Cosby impression on Celebrity Jeopardy for SNL’s 40th anniversary show. Instead he bailed on it and decided to awkwardly stand on stage for a 80 seconds leading to speculation that he lost his Mojo in 1989. Cosby was grateful for Murphy lacking of a sense of humor and issued a statement to ABC News thanking Murphy:

“I am very appreciative of Eddie and I applaud his actions.”

Translation, I won’t disclose that time we spiked those two trannies with laughing gas at the Rio and here’s the password to my HBO GO for your troubles. Norm MacDonald initially revealed Murphy’s intentions through his Aspergers dictated Twitter account which he uses to live tweet ten hour golf tournaments play by play:

“Eddie decides the laughs are not worth it. He will not kick a man when he is down.”

Class act. It’s all good to make fun of your average fat person or the blind Stevie Wonder but why get nasty with an algebraically proven serial rapist? Next thing you know comedians will be making fun of embattled world leaders and celebrities like is the entire point of the show. There’s more than one dude in a wig in Eddie’s closet. Thanks for digging that hole in the desert.

Photo Credit: Nbcuniversal.com 

Eddie Murphy Won’t Mock Cosby And Shit Around The Web

By Jack February 19, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Grim faced former funny person Eddie Murphy refused to do his famous Cosby impression on the SNL40 anniversary show over the weekend. Sweater clad rapist Bill Cosby publicly thanked Eddie Murphy for showing such restraint then invited Murphy’s hot young white girlfriend over for cocktails to discuss her music career. One of the two of them still has balls.

Read all about a lover Cosby didn’t have to drug. (TMZ)

Anastasia Harris shows off her jubblies for your viewing pleasure. (Egotastic)

Boring Allison Williams comes to her daddy Brian’s defense. (Huffington Post)

The underboobs of the gods(goddesses really)! (TheChive)

Ireland Baldwin lingeries like a fucking champ. (Drunken Stepfather)

Anastasia Nova and Samantha Gill go splashy splashy in bikinis for expensive water. (Hollywood Tuna)

Candice Swanepoel is covered topless in Maxim. (Popoholic)

Eddie Murphy’s Fake Son Drops Lawsuit

By Matt July 25, 2014 @ 7:11 AM


Some unknown comic named Brando Murphy filed a defamation lawsuit against Eddie Murphy for $50 million dollars for telling everybody that Brando wasn’t his son, just one super unfunny motherfucker who should be working the guacamole scooper at Chipotle. For some time now, Brando has been showing up at the Coffee Beans where Eddie hangs out screaming aloud that Eddie is his father. He probably has plans to kill Eddie and conjugal with his hot young blond girlfriend. I can’t blame him on that last one. Well, those last two.

Brando says he is a comedian and performed on something called ‘The Sons Of Comedy Tour’, which was neither comedy nor a tour, but did feature Richard Pryor’s actual son selling his soul for Steel Reserve money. Brando claims his ‘management’ told him to file the lawsuit, because imaginary managers are extremely litigious. Eddie Murphy has been very careful to distance himself from riffraff, save for the ones who wear a wig and gobble his knob like no woman ever could. Thankfully, this story ends rather happily with Brando Murphy now agreeing to drop the frivolous lawsuit and focus on his main passions of stalking and harassment.

Photo Credit: Getty Images 

Eddie Murphy Was Harassed By Crossdressers

By Travis September 19, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Eddie Murphy and his model girlfriend Paige Butcher were hanging out in Los Angeles yesterday, when they were greeted by two crossdressers who were trying to give them roses, and it’s funny because Eddie was once caught with a transvestite prostitute in his car one morning back in 1997 and we will never ever forget that. At least I think these women are crossdressers, because they’re just so gorgeous and exotic, and I’m not even sure how people can tell that they’re actually men. Maybe it’s the muscle tone or the way they talk, but otherwise I’d have a hard time believing that they’re not Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian.

(Photo Credits: WENN.com)

fuck you Nicole Murphy

By brendon February 01, 2012 @ 11:06 AM


Nicole Murphy, who has been divorced from Eddie Murphy for 6 years yet still uses his last name to open doors, enjoyed some leisure time in Beverly Hills yesterday, which was possible since her only job is occasionally blowing rich guys (currently Michael Strahan).

Here we see her showing off the trim physique that will make her a certain favorite if they ever hold a Gold Digging Whore Olympics.

(image source = inf)