By Lex August 29, 2014 @ 11:23 AM
This is the Mexican singer who stole Miley Cyrus’ fiance last year by pointing out that she was far hotter, had bigger tits, and didn’t wipe her poo hands on her lips after taking a shit just to seem punk. She also has a Spanish accent. A Spanish accent can raise a boner like Jesus did to Lazarus. Miley has a pointy tongue and an unemployed male model she totes around to exhibit the plight of the good looking and homeless. A Mexican girl knows exactly what do with an unemployed male model. Fuck him and give him a fake phone number.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News
By Lex December 13, 2013 @ 2:13 PM
Eiza Gonzalez is the Mexican singer that Liam Hemsworth started boning when Miley Cyrus refused to keep her promise of never speaking during sex. She was a solid Plan B. She’s not quite as rich and famous as Miley, but she does look like a woman, which is an advantage when your dad shoves his hand down your fiancee’s pants to make sure the son he’s already worried about is marrying a real girl.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, WENN
By Lex November 27, 2013 @ 5:26 PM
Miley Cyrus wants her man back. And she’s not letting her spastic back or Bieber clone looks get in the way of retrieving the Hemsworth brother who left her for a much hotter Eiza Gonzalez. Eiza had the added allure of not talking like a retired smoker at the Horseshoe Casino Hold ‘Em table. But Miley still pined for her man. So when she heard he was single again a few weeks ago, she started texting him seductive messages like ‘LOLzz’, ‘Hahaha’, and ‘Wassup playa???’ in a campaign to win back his mind as well as his cock. If Liam can work with therapists to remove the image of Miley humping ungrateful midgets, there’s no reason why these two can’t be happy once more.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex October 18, 2013 @ 12:35 PM
Maxim closed that case of the world’s hottest woman with their soul searching payola fueled Miley Cyrus pick earlier this year. A close second has to be this Eiza Gonzalez chick who just stole Miley’s fiancé. She’s a singer too or something like that. She’s also Mexican so I already assume she’s less complicated and more fun in the sack than Miley. A lot of people speculated that Miley took the broken engagement pretty hard. But, not so, according to a Miley “pal” who might also be her press agent:
The Liam thing shook her up a bit, but she’s over it now. She has thrown herself into work and she knows that it’s for the best. She’s proved that she doesn’t need Liam to be happy or successful. The past few months have been incredibly empowering for her.”
By empowering I suppose she means taking off her clothes in public and demanding her daddy see how much men like her now. That all seems so complicated and makes me happy to not be a girl.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, INFphoto.com
By Lex September 17, 2013 @ 3:11 PM
I’m not exactly sure what Liam Hemsworth was thinking when he broke off his engagement to Miley Cyrus and started bumping uglies with Eliza Gonzalez. Miley Cyrus and her tongue and those teeth and that marmoset face and her tiny spastic boy body in exchange for this? I don’t know. What about the Twerking? You can’t just replace that.
Photo Credit: Eiza Gonzalez/Facebook