Mexican Drug Lord Calls Trump a Faggot

By Lex July 14, 2015 @ 8:08 AM

Mexican-Newspaper-Salesman

Sinaloa drug cartel little jefe El Chapo escaped once again from prison in Mexico. Escaped seems like an overstatement since the Mexican army corps of engineers dug him a mile-long industrial grade tunnel to leisurely walk him away from the facility. The second thing El Chapo did after fucking tons of chicks and drinking tequila through the nostrils of his decapitated enemies was to Tweet Donald Trump and call him a faggot, immediately creating a conundrum for self-described progressives as to whom to root for. The greedy corporate businessman who hates Mexicans or the heroin kingpin from Mexico who uses homophobic hate speech.

Keep screwing (with us) and I’m going to make you eat your fucking words you lousy white faggot.

It’s unclear if possibly somebody created a fake El Chapo Twitter account to write the message. Though it is clear that people in Mexico who pretend to be El Chapo have their entire bloodlines sliced to pieces with machetes. It’s akin to Taylor Swift in this country. Trump fired back by accusing the Mexican government of aiding in El Chapo’s escape, which infuriated the Mexican government who felt they did much more than just assist. Gringos just don’t understand how hard it is to look the other way at just the right time.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Zero Dark Pedo Mustache

By Lex February 24, 2014 @ 6:48 PM

I thought I was pissed about that waffle taco, but when I surveyed my true feelings, the Mexi-thing that was making me mad was this manhunt for Joaquín Guzmán Loera, aka El Chapo aka Shorty the drug kingpin of Sinaloa. Just look at this bad-ass. Forget Bin Laden, this Denny’s fry cook looking bastard has been killing thousands of Americans by forcing them to snort piles of cocaine. Without El Chapo, Lamar Odom is visiting juice bars at 3am and Chris Farley is making the same crappy movie for the fourteenth time. On the lam for years, El Chapo was finally captured over the weekend by the Mexican Navy, who couldn’t be bribed because nobody even knew there was such a thing as the Mexican Navy. With this drug kingpin behind bars, you can expect drug use in the United States to drop by anywhere from really close to zero percent to true zero. It will take the Mexican cartels minutes, if not hours to replace El Chapo in the hierarchy and keep the condom swallowing and government corruption unabated. The waffle taco can live, the fake drug war needs to die. I mean, we can kill this guy first too, for that pedo-mustache alone he probably deserves to choke on a tilapia until he’s dead.