Elin Nordegren has done her first and last interview

By brendon August 25, 2010 @ 3:25 PM

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Elin Nordegren hasn’t said a word to the press since it was revealed that her husband Tiger Woods would stick his dick in a beehive if he saw one in a club, but Friday People magazine will publish Elins first – and last, according to her – interview, given over 4 days in her Florida home.

“I have been through the stages of disbelief and shock, to anger and ultimately grief over the loss of the family I so badly wanted for my children,” she says in the magazine’s latest issue, out just days after her split from Tiger Woods was made official.
The 30-year-old mother of two, who is studying towards a college degree in psychology, says that despite her husband’s betrayal, “I also feel stronger than I ever have. I have confidence in my beliefs, my decisions and myself.”
“My immediate plan is for the kids and me to continue to adjust to our new situation. I am going to keep taking classes, but my main focus is to try to give myself time to heal,” she says.

For Peoples sake I hope they’re saving all the interesting things she said for the magazine. I wasn’t even paying attention and I was bored. Is it possible to feel sorry for a woman who made at least 100 million dollars in her divorce? Let me put it this way: No.

(image source of tigers homewrecking whore rachel uchitel yesterday in malibu = pacific coast)

Tiger and Elin are officially divorced

By brendon August 23, 2010 @ 4:45 PM

Elin Nordegren

Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren got married on October 5, 2004, which didn’t dissuade Tiger in any way from banging tons of random whores before, during, and since. So today they met in a courtroom in Panama City, Florida, to finalize their divorce.

It was ice cold between Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren at the courthouse as the couple finalized their divorce on Monday.
“Tiger was sitting down when Elin walked in the room,” a source told Radar. “Publicly they didn’t say a word to each other. They didn’t even look at each other.”

Financial terms were not disclosed, and past reports have been all over the place, claiming her deal will range anywhere from 100 million to 750 million.

Ever the emotionless robot, Tiger posted this statement on his website:

“We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future. While we are no longer married, we are the parents of two wonderful children and their happiness has been, and will always be, of paramount importance to both of us. Once we came to the decision that our marriage was at an end, the primary focus of our amicable discussions has been to ensure their future well-being. The weeks and months ahead will not be easy for them as we adjust to a new family situation, which is why our privacy must be a principal concern.”

Then after that it says, “Ms. Nordegren was represented by…”, and lists a bunch of law firms. It’s really touching. And Tiger was represented by his long time general counsel, just like in a fairy tale.

friday afternoon headlines

By brendon July 02, 2010 @ 4:58 PM

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MEL GIBSON – could be tried as a terrorist because of the threats he made against his girlfriend. It’s good news for Mel, since our pussy government refuses to ever take the gloves off and deal with terrorists. (fox news)

CHRISTINA MCLARTY – is an entertainment reporter in LA (kcal 9) and apparent daredevil bc yesterday she got engaged to Joe Francis.  He’s the piece of shit who owns ‘Girls Gone Wild’ of course. His hobbies include rape and kicking girls in the face. He’s quite a catch. I almost wish I was a girl so I could marry him. (e!)

SPIDERMAN – has been cast.  The reboot, directed by Marc Webb, will star Andrew Garfield.  Jesus, what is this, a high school play? (la times)

ELIN NORDEGREN – will only be getting 100 million dollars in her divorce settlement with Tiger Woods, not the previously reported 750. So maybe now she’ll do that $500 dollar thing with the pictures and the tits. (tmz)

Elin Nordegren is about to make $750,000,000 (part 2)

By brendon June 30, 2010 @ 6:30 PM

Elin Nordegren

It looked like a typo last week when it was reported that Tiger Woods would have to pay out 750 million dollars in a divorce settlement to Elin Nordegren, because are you god damn kidding me. But no, according to the Sun it’s right, because that’s what it cost for Tiger to buy Elins silence, even after his death.

ELIN NORDEGREN, 30, gets the biggest payout ever seen in a celebrity divorce.
“The price of the huge sum is her silence: no interviews, tell-all books, or TV appearances about this for the rest of her life – even if Tiger dies first – or she’ll lose the lot.”
A pal said: “Tiger’s main fear is her telling her story after he’s rebuilt his reputation, sending him back to the gutter.”

The article also says Tiger is not allowed to have any of his whores I mean girlfriends near his kids, ever, or at least until he marries one of them.

Under the no-girlfriends deal, only married women not romantically linked to Tiger will be allowed around the children – plus female members of staff known to Elin.

Wow women really are evil. So basically Elin has arranged for the kids to think their dad is gay now, and Tiger spent 750,000,000 dollars as part of the deal. I’m not so sure he really thought this through.

elin nordegren is about to make $750 million

By brendon June 24, 2010 @ 3:29 PM

Elin Nordegren

The divorce between Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren is about to become final, but that’s far from the real headline.

The final divorce is imminent, a source close to the situation told Radar Online.
“They’ve agreed on all the major points. It’s all been worked out privately. Both Tiger and Elin are very close to finishing the negotiations and filing and signing the paperwork.”
Elin is expected to receive approximately $750 million in the settlement.

So what went wrong, other than Tiger banging all those whores?

…when Tiger announced his return to golf things grew very chilly between the couple. One source said Elin believed that Tiger was not sincere about changing his life.

$750,000,000 is an insane number and there’s no possible way to justify it, but Tiger Woods is a spoiled selfish crybaby so fuck him. Maybe when he signs the papers he can throw a little hissy fit like he does on the course every single time he screws up. Besides now a hot blond chick has 750 million dollars, and girls from Europe let you stick it anywhere, so believe me when I tell you that it’s game on.

tuesday morning headlines

By brendon April 20, 2010 @ 11:23 AM

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SANDRA BULLOCK - was photographed last week without her wedding ring on. Wait, is there some sort of trouble in her marriage? This is the first I’ve heard of anything like that. (people)

ELIN NORDEGREN - packed up the two kids she had with Tiger Woods and flew home to Sweden in a private jet yesterday. She and Tiger continue to live separately and spend virtually no time together. It sounds a lot like my marriage to Megan Fox. (radar)

KIM KARDASHIAN - is defending herself after PETA complained about the way she picked up a kitty in this picture. “Rest assured, the owner and vet were on set and showed me how to pick him up. The cat was not harmed in any way and is perfectly fine! I love animals and would never do anything to harm animals.” That cat is a hero. When she picks it up, it lifts her huge tits and makes them look awesome. It’s a WonderCat. (kim kardashian)

PEOPLE WHO READ TYLER - are sexy. Like Cami for example. And she wants to be in Front magazine, so go to her facebook and stare at her hot ass, because apparently that will help for some reason. It feels good to help others. That’s what this website is all about. (facebook)