Sacha Baron Cohen murdered Elisabetta Canalis on a yacht in Cannes today

By brendon May 16, 2012 @ 2:03 PM

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What started out as an erotic afternoon of ass rubbing between Sacha Baron Cohen and Elisabetta Canalis ended in tragedy today after Cohen showed his penis to Canalis. The Italian supermodel began to laugh and seemed to think it was small, despite his reassurances that his penis is actually quite enormous.

Tensions escalated when she attempted to take a picture of his penis, causing a fight to break out, which led to him dragging her down below, sealing her corpse in a body bag and throwing it overboard. Hopefully he remembered to weigh the bag down first. Not to get cathartic here but disposing of a dead model takes more steps than you might think.

(image source = fame/flynet, getty)

Elisabetta Canalis really is dating Steve O

By brendon January 31, 2012 @ 4:54 PM

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Apparently yesterdays rumor is true and Italian supermodel Elisabetta Canalis has gone from dating George Clooney (a two-time winner of People magazines ‘Sexiest Man Alive’) to Steve O (who was covered in shit in ‘Jackass 3′) in a span of about 6 months. Even Ryan Dunn didn’t crash this hard.

(image source = fame/flynet)

Elisabetta Canalis has downgraded just slightly

By brendon January 30, 2012 @ 4:33 PM

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“Going from George Clooney to Steve-O,” sounds like an analogy that’s supposed to be funny, as if to describe a girl who’s dating life has gone to hell. And with good reason, because one is a handsome billionaire actor, and the other staples his balls to things.

But I bet Elisabetta Canalis wouldn’t find it funny, because she reportedly has gone from dating George Clooney to Steve-O. In real life.

There’s no explanation for why she’s done this, but I assume it has something to do with a combination of low self esteem, alcohol, and magic.

its Elisabetta Canalis for PETA

By brendon November 29, 2011 @ 5:33 PM

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George Clooneys ex Elisabetta Canalis did some promotion for PETA in Milan today, unveiling her new ad that says, “meglio nuda che in pelliccia.” Are there any models out there who will pose for an ad that says, “ PETA put down 94 percent of the dogs and cats placed in their care last year, finding homes for just 44 of the 2,345 that they took in, and have killed 25,840 dogs, cats, puppies, and kittens since 1998″? Or is that too wordy?

(image source = splash)

Elisabte Canalis makes gas stations sexy

By brendon October 03, 2011 @ 4:55 PM

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Even though the picture agency felt compelled to stamp their name all over the pictures for some reason, Elisabetta Canalis still looked great as she stopped at a gas station in Hollywood after leaving rehearsal for ‘Dancing With The Stars’. The good news is she was out there the whole time and gave everyone a good show. The bad news is how am I supposed to hide in the backseat if she never goes in the little store.

(image source = wenn)

DWTS will be sexy and/or uncomfortable

By brendon September 08, 2011 @ 4:34 PM

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Elisabetta Canalis and Chastity Chaz Bono finished up rehearsals for Dancing With The Stars yesterday, and Holy Crap. I know Chaz isn’t technically a girl anymore, but that point is made extra clear when being near Elisabetta. Actually it’s hard to believe these two are even from the same planet.

(image source = inf)