Elisabetta Canalis Date For Hire

By Lex February 20, 2015 @ 9:26 AM

Elisabetta Canalis Wears A Low Cut Red Dress At The Vienna Opera Ball With Her Date Richard Lugner
This old Austrian billionaire might just be my hero. He just married that German blowup doll one-quarter his age to be his regular pecker wetter, but he’s still doling out the 500K paychecks to get celebrity chicks in low cut dresses to be his date to the big opera events. I don’t think he gets to old man pudge bang George Clooney’s ex-girlfriend, but a few gropes and titty touches are probably in the contract. It’s not assault if it’s listed in Exhibit B and you own the Vienna police force.

Photo Credit: Splash

Elisabetta Canalis Shows Off In A Bikini Before Her Wedding In Italy

By Lex September 15, 2014 @ 7:28 AM

Elisabetta Canalis Shows Off In A Bikini Before Her Wedding In Italy

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Splash

Elisabetta Canalis in A White Bikini

By Lex July 15, 2014 @ 3:03 PM

Elisabetta Canalis Goes For A Swim In A White Bikini In Miami
I can’t help but feel George Clooney missed out on this one. I know models like to talk about scarves and plot revenge against the bitch that stole their mascara and stare at dots on the walls for hours wondering if they’re bugs. But that’s a good, simple companion. Like a cocker-spaniel that has great tits and loves sex in months when they’re eating. I understand the twisted arrogant mind of George Clooney thinking he needs a radical lawyer wife to be his equal at swank parties with hors d’oeuvres served in spoons. But chicks with big brains and global ambitions are the kind you admire watching in Angelina Jolie bio pics. You don’t want Indira Ghandi living in your home. You want the hot model who heard from a friend that sucking your johnson will make her thinner. I really need to write an advice column.

Photo Credit: Splash

Elisabetta Canalis Topless On A Boat

By Lex July 08, 2014 @ 9:32 AM

Elisabetta Canalis Goes Topless On A Boat In Alghero, Italy
I often mock Europe. I just did. Fuck them and their green pants. But they do have this topless sunbathing thing down. Not the public beaches where the large German ladies roll about like beached manatees smoking unfiltered Camels. All the hot women are on the boats taking off their tops. You want to see George Clooney’s ex-girlfriends tits. Blammo! Big ups, Europe. Today you did not suck.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

Elisabetta Canalis In Lingerie

By Lex June 24, 2014 @ 10:38 AM

Elisabetta Canalis Poses In Lingerie For Lormar SS 2014
Look at this, George Clooney. This was your girlfriend a couple or three model girlfriends ago. Look at her, dammit. I don’t care about your fancy I Heart U Obama parties or how Brad Pitt comes to your sleepovers or when you grab some basketball players and blather about the Sudan, like that’s a real place. What I do care about is you voluntarily giving up the gift God gave you to bone the shit out of hot women with accents until the day they lay you in the ground. With Viagra and healthy living easily another fifteen years of compiling one of the most profound cocksmen diaries in modern history. Now you’re getting married. I get it. She’s Lebanese and a human rights attorney and speaks Arabic and defended the WikiLeaks albino rapist and joins you in her certainty that the Bush Family and the Trilateral Commission and the Zionists are building a giant lava gun at the core of the earth. But, man, think of all the European model pussy you are foregoing to feed the wrong part of your ego. It’s a shanda.

Photo Credit: Lormar

Elisabetta Canalis Models Lormar Lingerie

By Lex September 11, 2013 @ 11:16 AM

Elisabetta Canalis Models Lingerie For Lormar Fall Winter Collection

Photo Credit: Lormar