By Lex July 15, 2014 @ 3:03 PM
I can’t help but feel George Clooney missed out on this one. I know models like to talk about scarves and plot revenge against the bitch that stole their mascara and stare at dots on the walls for hours wondering if they’re bugs. But that’s a good, simple companion. Like a cocker-spaniel that has great tits and loves sex in months when they’re eating. I understand the twisted arrogant mind of George Clooney thinking he needs a radical lawyer wife to be his equal at swank parties with hors d’oeuvres served in spoons. But chicks with big brains and global ambitions are the kind you admire watching in Angelina Jolie bio pics. You don’t want Indira Ghandi living in your home. You want the hot model who heard from a friend that sucking your johnson will make her thinner. I really need to write an advice column.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Lex July 08, 2014 @ 9:32 AM
I often mock Europe. I just did. Fuck them and their green pants. But they do have this topless sunbathing thing down. Not the public beaches where the large German ladies roll about like beached manatees smoking unfiltered Camels. All the hot women are on the boats taking off their tops. You want to see George Clooney’s ex-girlfriends tits. Blammo! Big ups, Europe. Today you did not suck.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News
By Lex June 24, 2014 @ 10:38 AM
Look at this, George Clooney. This was your girlfriend a couple or three model girlfriends ago. Look at her, dammit. I don’t care about your fancy I Heart U Obama parties or how Brad Pitt comes to your sleepovers or when you grab some basketball players and blather about the Sudan, like that’s a real place. What I do care about is you voluntarily giving up the gift God gave you to bone the shit out of hot women with accents until the day they lay you in the ground. With Viagra and healthy living easily another fifteen years of compiling one of the most profound cocksmen diaries in modern history. Now you’re getting married. I get it. She’s Lebanese and a human rights attorney and speaks Arabic and defended the WikiLeaks albino rapist and joins you in her certainty that the Bush Family and the Trilateral Commission and the Zionists are building a giant lava gun at the core of the earth. But, man, think of all the European model pussy you are foregoing to feed the wrong part of your ego. It’s a shanda.
Photo Credit: Lormar
By Lex September 03, 2013 @ 7:54 PM
This is the second girl today that George Clooney has nailed that we get to see in a bikini. Which should only serve to remind you that checking out a hot model in a bikini is a sad sorry second place to having sex with a hot model. Lots of inspirational type folks would tell you to get off your ass, get off the computer, and go get some for yourself. I’d tell you to stay on your computer and figure out how to catfish yourself as George Clooney. That get off your ass thing is never really going to work.
Here’s Elisabetta Canalis in a bikini at some fancy Italian resort where the women are so good looking you pray for the chance to catch an STD.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Travis August 07, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
I always thought it would be pretty hard to forget the fact that model Elisabetta Canalis followed up her relationship with George Clooney by dating Steve-o (twice), because that’s not a step down. That’s walking out the front door and stepping off the Grand Canyon. But then, I just forgot all about it, because I’m way more focused on this picture of her ass that she posted to her Instagram account on Monday.
Hell, I just forgot my own name and where to send my child support payments. That’ll hold up in a court of law, right? That I was distracted by Elisabetta’s ass? It sounds legit.