Elle Fanning Jogs

Elle Fanning has made several hundred movies I've never seen. She's only seventeen but started at birth. They filmed her crowning with two men in the background weeping because their surrogate delivered them a perfect gay couple baby. Slap a gold laurel leaf on that movie one sheet. It's easy to be jealous of Elle Fanning. She doesn't even jog like most girls. You know what I'm talking about. If she's that pale and...read more

Elle Fanning Jumps the Tranny Bandwagon

Here's something to look forward to: tons of movies about young people changing genders. There's a dozen of them lined up already. If you've written a novel about a transgendered youth in the past decade, your book just got bought by a movie studio. Congratulations. I know you thought it was an art piece. Now it's winning an Oscar for best future Oscar speech by an actor with a message of inclusiveness. Elle Fanning...read more

Elle Fanning Seems Ready to Be More Famous

Elle Fanning is the anti Kylie Jenner. Same age, but definable talent, un-injected body, and she doesn't process your Visa card for peeks at her underwear. It's some quirk of quantum physics that both girls can exist in nearly the same space at the same time. I blame Elle's mom. She forgot that coming of age speech about putting family over self and upselling suitors by convincing them you've never had it in the ass...read more

Elle Fanning Doing Sex Scenes

Elle Fanning seems kind of young for sex scenes, but when Gwyneth Paltrow's little brother is directing his own story about the near future when earth has no water left thanks to the Republicans, you get jiggy with it on command. The film is called Young Ones because Child Sex was already taken. It's right there in the title for the pederasts searching Moviefone by movie title and theater type: sparsely populated....read more

Elle Fanning Causes Pedo-Riots in Tokyo

I'll chalk it up to youthful inexperience. But somebody should've seen the potential fallout from air dropping a blond teenager dressed in Disney pajamas into the heart of Japan. You could hear the thunk of a lone Pachinko ball as even businessmen dropping ten yen coins into panties dispensing vending machines turned to rush Elle Fanning. Imagine a million Japanese dudes hurtling toward you with their belts in their...read more

Tom Cruise is almost as big as a little girl

The highly anticipated 'Super 8' had it's big fancy Hollywood premiere last night, and exciting celebrities like Tom Cruise were there. Here he is with the movies star, 13-year-old girl Elle Fanning (she's Dakota Fannings daughter. Or sister. I should look that up). And obviously someones been drinking their milk because Tom is almost as big as that young girl now. "Yeah, but she's probably wearing heels," you might...read more