Grimes Had This To Say About The Size Of Elon Musk’s Penis

August 22, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

  We can go ahead and file this under: Barf. Tonedeaf tech entrepreneur / probable Asperger syndrome success story Elon Musk went from dating Amber Heard to dating something he found in a clearance bin at Hot Topics called Grimes,... READ MORE

Sadly Elon Musk Isn’t Involved In The LSD-Fueled Threesomes We All Assumed

August 19, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

I was hopeful for the future and really thought humanity was headed in the right direction with Elon Musk at the helm. But the fact that human race’s savior even brushes shoulders with the likes of a woman whose... READ MORE

Elon Musk Promising To Purify Water In Flint

July 16, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Elon Musk is further proving that poor people make for great test subjects. Following in the footsteps of another wealthy white man by the name of Bill Gates, Elon Musk also wants to make water great again for the... READ MORE

All Thai Boys Rescued From Cave

July 10, 2018 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

  The saga that captured the hearts of people across the world and inspired countless fan fiction journal entries from Kevin Spacey has come to a close as twelve boys and their soccer coach have been rescued from the depths... READ MORE

Grimes – Elon Musk Only Union Busts A Nut For Me

May 22, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

In case you've taken your eyeballs off your computer screen for five seconds, alt indie songstress and part-time Rooney Mara impersonator Grimes is banging Elon Musk, and recently she flexed her knowledge of labor relations by debunking the news that the... READ MORE

Elon Can’t Keep Mouth Shut; Costing Him $2 Billion

May 10, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Everyone needs to pull out their book of adult fairy tales and pray that Elon Musk doesn’t become an intellect supremacist. Elon doesn’t give a damn about much outside of making the entire Earth and planets next to it... READ MORE

Elon Musk’s Father Is Also A Woody Allen

March 27, 2018 | News | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

I’m wondering at what point in time did ethics take a left turn for men like Woody Allen and Elon Musk’s father. Both of these guys have tossed their moral compasses out of the window and decided to bang... READ MORE

Flamethrower Weapon Of Your Fantasy Is Now A Reality

January 30, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Elon Musk made a flamethrower that looks much more fun than the miniature Bic lighter and aerosol can combo that you’ve been using to scare small children and small dogs. Now for a mere $500 you’re able to buy... READ MORE

Elon Musk Attempts To Slip Out Of Sex Party Unnoticed

January 16, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Since birth boys have always had to keep girls out whose soul intention is to assure anyone with a penis is having an equally lame time at life. It started with your first tree house club when you were... READ MORE

Fate Of Future Innovation In The Hands Of Amber Heard

January 3, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Failed relationships have the power to ruin people forever. Amber Heard wrecked Johnny Depp and now she’s after Elon Musk who also just happens to be humanity’s last hope. 



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