Elsa Hosk New Lingerie For Victoria’s Secret

By Lex June 05, 2015 @ 10:40 AM

Elsa Hosk New Lingerie For Victorias Secret
Sometimes I look at ornate women’s lingerie and I think to myself, who the fuck is wearing this? It’s some kind of ruse. Any girlfriend I’ve ever had is into boxers and t-shirts the minute she’s laid her vagina on the table and seen my hooked fish type reaction. Maybe women really are just wearing this lacy shit for themselves. We need to Agent Orange the Victoria’s Secret sewing villages and level the playing field. My undershorts are poorly woven burrs pulled from Alpacas in the Yucatan. My rashes are organic. I’d take satin if it were socially acceptable. I’d like to be more comfortable. Slutty is just a side benefit.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

Victoria’s Secret Has An Annoucement

By Lex May 01, 2015 @ 11:43 AM

New Victorias Secret Angels

When Victoria’s Secret declared they were making a big announcement, three thousand ragamuffins rose from their rickety seats in Myanmar, stood on their sewing tables, and collectively cheered, ‘We are free!’. Then Victoria’s Secret came out with the news they had a new team of Angels and the kids in Myanmar quickly took their seats to the sting of the electric shocks in their ani that keep them working at a measured pace. Still, this is very good news for the rest of us named Leonard DiCaprio.

Photo Credit: WWTDD Archives/Victoria’s Secret

Elsa Hosk Strips Down

By Lex April 29, 2015 @ 8:26 AM

Elsa Hosk Topless And See Through On The Beach Matthew Sprout
Two questions come to mind. Why is this Swedish chick topless and why does she look so forlorn? The first one is moot. If you have to instruct a girl to fake emotionally wounded, you’ve not trained her well. Remember when everyone at sewing camp found out that your mormor consorted with Nazi occupiers? I know, that was a proud day. Now imagine you had a Jewish friend and how they would’ve felt finding out. That’s it. Hold that look.

Photo Credit: Matthew Sprout

Elsa Hosk In See Through Lace Lingerie

By Lex March 05, 2015 @ 9:49 AM

Elsa Hosk In See Through Lace Lingerie
If I was driving a fast moving train and the track was blocked and I had to choose to either veer left and run over my own mother or veer right and take out this Swedish chick, I’d take out this Swedish chick. You don’t run over your own mother. I’m not a mindless beast. Though I would still try to bang the Swedish chick afterward assuming she wasn’t in too many pieces. Fuck, I hope she’s not Curt Schilling’ niece. I’m probably already dead.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

Elsa Hosk Going Hard for Employee of the Month

By Lex February 19, 2015 @ 10:20 AM

Elsa Hosk Topless While Doing A VS Photoshoot In Miami
It’s hard to define that moment when you know you’ve arrived in your profession. For a Victoria’s Secret model it might just be that time you were crawling topless across the sand on all fours. The precise event might vary in your profession. Ask first before you try this. Especially if you work with mating age animals or children.

Photo Credit: INF

Elsa Hosk Topless In Water

By Lex December 22, 2014 @ 11:30 AM

Elsa Hosk Topless In Water For Chadwick Tyler Photo Shoot
I admire photographers who take a great deal of time and effort into composing complicated productions. Water is the universal symbol of life and rebirth. Topless Swedish chicks in water are the universal symbol of uncomfortable erections. It’s all in the Farmer’s Almanac somewhere next to where it predicts rain on Hilary Clinton’s swearing in ceremony.

Photo Credit: Chadwick Tyler