Emma Roberts announced through public relations reps pretending to be anonymous sources that she was breaking up with her fiance Evan Peters. He’s the actor nerd she got arrested for bloodying in a hotel room scrap in Montreal. She adored him because he was cute and talented and had no clue how to defend his right in a fracas. It sucks when your bully also controls the vagina in the relationship. You’re forever operating at a deficit. You’re France and it’s no longer the 17th century. 110 pounds isn’t much until you add in the exponential strength of crazy. I’d consider a broad ban on dating anybody with Eric Roberts blood. I don’t care if she gives you living room couch privileges when you’re good. You’re in a better place now, kid.
Emma Roberts and her fiance who now refers to himself sheepishly only as Reek, were spotted in Maui in loosely matching bikini tops. Emma is not what you call a busty gal, but when you combine her cute looks with her Roberts family penchant for unprovoked, violent outbursts, you have to consider Reek a very lucky man indeed. The beatings just mean she cares. Guard your right.
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Gia Coppola has all the makings of a cloying filmmaker I’d like to push into a swimming pool at some ski resort film festival. Raised by her Coppola mom and her Getty stepdad at the vineyard and the studios and at the stockinged feet of Bard college lesbian deans, Gia was destined to get into the family craft. She wasted no time in taking James Franco’s story, Palo Alto, and translating into a film, starring James Franco. She also got Emma Roberts to be in her film, which then got picked up for distribution at Sundance because obscure cable channels need content. Gia did have the decency to shoot her own pictures of Emma Roberts in her underwear for publicity for the film. You might recall Aunt Sofia got Scarlett Johansson to pose in her underwear as well back in the day. It’s very much in the Michael Bay school of filmmaking, except that Emma and Scarlett were not bound with silken ties and banged until they stopped being so sullen.
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Sometimes, it takes a strong but measured beat down to remind someone of their place in a relationship. A couple weeks ago in a Montreal hotel room, Emma Roberts had to girl punch her actor boyfriend a couple or three times in the shnoz just to let him know who was top dog. You may call it abusive or cruel. I call it bringing order to chaos. Look, everybody’s happy now.
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The first thing you notice when you meet almost any Hollywood actor is just how tiny they are compared to how you imagined. Ninety-percent of actors come out at about 5’7 to 5’9 and about 140 lbs. It’s then you realize you could kick your favorite TV actor’s ass pretty easily. And so could Emma Roberts, who punched the snot out of her actor boyfriend Evan Peters in a Montreal hotel room last week, before the Mounties came and arrested her for domestic violence. Being French minded, Montreal P.D. always assume that the men in relationships are working from a position of weakness, hence, cuffing the petite Emma at the scene of the altercation. Granted, she is Eric Roberts’ daughter, so she was probably two, maybe three moves away from a crazy kill strike and writing the words ‘Set Me Free!’ in her boyfriend’s blood on the hotel room walls. Still, she’s pretty fucking tiny. For his part, Evan Peters refused to press charges because that would just be fucking embarrassing.
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