Andrew Garfield revealed that he puts a lot of thought into how much dick he tucks back in his Spiderman suit. An interviewer asked Garfield how he handled his package in the skin tight Spidey suit. Apparently, he spent a lot of time thinking about how much of his junk to tape up into his taint:
“It takes a lot of consideration. Because you don’t want it to be overwhelming and you don’t want it to be underwhelming. You don’t want it to intimidate and you don’t want it to … the opposite of intimidate. So yes, there is thought, but ultimately you have to trust that what you have is enough.”
Andrew’s girlfriend Emma Stone was also on hand for the interview and she seemed amused by the whole thing. Which I take to mean she doesn’t think he needs a whole lot of less intimidation down there. Girlfriends typically follow the code of silence in regard to their boyfriend’s male scale. At least until the relationship goes sour and they start drawing pictures of a tiny weenie and sending it around to all their giggling friends. Andrew, if I were you, I’d worry less about mythical ‘tape stories’ for the press and work on keeping Emma Stone happy forever.
If it looks like a cute redhead’s naked body and quacks like a cute redhead’s naked body, then it’s usually a cute redhead’s naked body. However, Emma Stone’s people swear that this nude mirror selfie is not her, despite the fact that it kind of looks like her. According to TMZ, this new photo of mostly unknown origins is being passed off by every pervert from here to Japan as the real deal nude picture of the star of The Help, but “a source close to Emma is adamant” that this isn’t Emma. Whoever it is, as long as she doesn’t end up being some teenager that is going to lead to half of the men in America being arrested, she sure looks like Emma, and there’s always a career in porn for people like that.
Emma Stone left an apartment this morning with some guy who is not her boyfriend Andrew Garfield, but Garfield probably has nothing to worry about. Mostly because this other guys casual fabulousness leads me to assume he’s gay, but also because Emma is wearing nerdy glasses and a bow tie. That’s not what a girl wears when she’s out to get laid. Unless she’s trying to fuck Bill Nye.
Yesterday Jim Carrey posted a perplexing video on youtube professing his love for Emma Stone, whom he has never met and who really isn’t that great.
But not to worry, because later he went on his twitter and explained it was all a joke. Ha-ha?
Yes, my msg to Emma Stone was a comedy routine and the funniest part is that everything i said is tru.
And then later he wrote…
People often ask me if i’m being funny or serious. The answer is “YES”. ?;^]
It’s easier to believe that this was a joke if you’ve never been to his website. Jim Carrey is a god damn weirdo, and completely in love with himself, and he probably thought Emma would be on her knees within hours. Maybe the video was too subtle of a joke. Maybe Jim should kick in her door with a gun next time, but cover your ears, because big laughs are coming.
As far as I can tell Jim Carey has never even met Emma Stone, but, no, really Jim, please don’t let that dissuade you in any way from telling the entire world how badly you want to fuck her.
Here’s a transcript.
“I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re all the way beautiful. Not just pretty, but, you know, smart and kindhearted. And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you, and we would have chubby little freckled faced kids. We’d laugh all day long and go camping and play Yahtzee and tell ghost stories by the fire. And the sex? Everyday for the rest of your life, you would thank God that I was the appropriate age for you. But I’m not. I’m 49. I have lines on my face, sometimes a little grey in my beard, and it takes me a little longer to pee than it used to. Those are the only discernible signs of aging that I can find so far.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how I felt. You’re pretty special, and I wish you continued success and artistic fulfillment, but most of all, I wish you love and contentment. That’s all.”
She’s 22 by the way. So yes, Jim Carrey, who is 49, went on youtube because he really wants to fuck a 22 year old stranger. And he assumed the best way to accomplish that was to tell several million people about his erection and hope one of them tells her so she can take care of it. I would assume it’s a joke but Jim Carrey is insane, and he has hundreds of millions of dollars, so Emma better hide somewhere good before he kidnaps her and holds her hostage on a plane that never lands, it just refuels in mid air and he never touches the ground like that rich guy in ‘Contact’.