Emma Stone left an apartment this morning with some guy who is not her boyfriend Andrew Garfield, but Garfield probably has nothing to worry about. Mostly because this other guys casual fabulousness leads me to assume he’s gay, but also because Emma is wearing nerdy glasses and a bow tie. That’s not what a girl wears when she’s out to get laid. Unless she’s trying to fuck Bill Nye.
Yesterday Jim Carrey posted a perplexing video on youtube professing his love for Emma Stone, whom he has never met and who really isn’t that great.
But not to worry, because later he went on his twitter and explained it was all a joke. Ha-ha?
Yes, my msg to Emma Stone was a comedy routine and the funniest part is that everything i said is tru.
And then later he wrote…
People often ask me if i’m being funny or serious. The answer is “YES”. ?;^]
It’s easier to believe that this was a joke if you’ve never been to his website. Jim Carrey is a god damn weirdo, and completely in love with himself, and he probably thought Emma would be on her knees within hours. Maybe the video was too subtle of a joke. Maybe Jim should kick in her door with a gun next time, but cover your ears, because big laughs are coming.
As far as I can tell Jim Carey has never even met Emma Stone, but, no, really Jim, please don’t let that dissuade you in any way from telling the entire world how badly you want to fuck her.
Here’s a transcript.
“I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re all the way beautiful. Not just pretty, but, you know, smart and kindhearted. And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you, and we would have chubby little freckled faced kids. We’d laugh all day long and go camping and play Yahtzee and tell ghost stories by the fire. And the sex? Everyday for the rest of your life, you would thank God that I was the appropriate age for you. But I’m not. I’m 49. I have lines on my face, sometimes a little grey in my beard, and it takes me a little longer to pee than it used to. Those are the only discernible signs of aging that I can find so far.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how I felt. You’re pretty special, and I wish you continued success and artistic fulfillment, but most of all, I wish you love and contentment. That’s all.”
She’s 22 by the way. So yes, Jim Carrey, who is 49, went on youtube because he really wants to fuck a 22 year old stranger. And he assumed the best way to accomplish that was to tell several million people about his erection and hope one of them tells her so she can take care of it. I would assume it’s a joke but Jim Carrey is insane, and he has hundreds of millions of dollars, so Emma better hide somewhere good before he kidnaps her and holds her hostage on a plane that never lands, it just refuels in mid air and he never touches the ground like that rich guy in ‘Contact’.
Emma Stone is on the cover of the new Vanity Fair, and it seems hard to believe in hindsight, but she says her lowest point in Hollywood was losing a role to Hayden Panettiere.
Emma Stone tells Vanity Fairwriter Alexandra Wolfe … that she still remembers what she considers her hardest Hollywood moment, an audition for NBC’s Heroes. “I could hear that, in the other room, a girl had just gone in and they were saying, ‘You are our pick … On a scale of 1 to 10 you’re an 11,’” Stone recalls, before Hayden Panettiere—who ended up with the role of Claire Bennet—walked out of the room. “I went home and just had this meltdown,” Stone says, calling the experience “rock bottom.”
I sure am glad that Vanity Fair made a huge point of telling me their reporters name over and over and over again. It would have ruined the whole story had I not known.
LINDSAY LOHANS PUBLICIST- is upset that someone sold a picture of an open wine bottle at Lindsays house because he would have paid more for it and her current drinking, “never would have been an issue.” Because if I can’t see the problem, there is no problem. That’s what I tell girls when they claim I got them pregnant too. (e!)
EMMA STONE AND ANDREW GARFIELD - are now dating. I bet she made him lasagna. (ny post)
DANIEL RADCLIFF – is on Broadway these days starring in ‘How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying’, but last nights performance was cancelled because a 29-year-old stagehand died of cardiac arrest, the result of a drug overdose, right before the curtain went up. He should have asked Daniel about that Horcrux thing. (ny times)
MATT LAUER – flew from NY to LA on Tuesday to interview Lindsay Lohan, but then she locked herself in her bedroom and refused to do the interview she already agreed to for less than $100,000. This must be some of that dedication to hard work she’s so committed to now. (page six)
ALYSSA CAMPANELLA – is in New York doing promotion this week, which is nice because I keep forgetting that our current Miss USA is a hot ass ginger. Fuck you, Canada! (splash and wenn)