Emma Stone Not Representing the U.S. Well

By Lex September 01, 2014 @ 9:44 AM

Emma Stone Shows Off Her Cleavage At The Premiere Of 'Birdman' At The 71st Venice Film Festival
The powerhouse that is America may not be the shining light on the hill it once was, but we still stand for all things super-sized. Everything here is supposed to be big. We have big business, big cars, big round people, and we’re supposed to have big tits. It’s okay for your standard liberal arts college coed to have itty bitties, but when we send envoys around the world, they need big boobs that scream America. Emma Stone is kind of disappointing. She’s in Venice. We had a war there not so long ago. We don’t need bosomy Italian women laughing at our flat chested saplings. Now that I didn’t legally see them, I’m allowed to say that Kate Upton has big old jam filled mams. Certainly we can train her to act to the level of an Emma Stone. A year at an actor’s academy and some number of electrical shocks ought to suffice. This time next year, I want all Europeans once more scoffing at us stupid Americans and with our big bloated tits.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Getty

Andrew Garfield Has To Tuck It Back

By Jack March 26, 2014 @ 2:41 PM

Andrew Garfield revealed that he puts a lot of thought into how much dick he tucks back in his Spiderman suit. An interviewer asked Garfield how he handled his package in the skin tight Spidey suit. Apparently, he spent a lot of time thinking about how much of his junk to tape up into his taint:

“It takes a lot of consideration. Because you don’t want it to be overwhelming and you don’t want it to be underwhelming. You don’t want it to intimidate and you don’t want it to … the opposite of intimidate. So yes, there is thought, but ultimately you have to trust that what you have is enough.”

Andrew’s girlfriend Emma Stone was also on hand for the interview and she seemed amused by the whole thing. Which I take to mean she doesn’t think he needs a whole lot of less intimidation down there. Girlfriends typically follow the code of silence in regard to their boyfriend’s male scale. At least until the relationship goes sour and they start drawing pictures of a tiny weenie and sending it around to all their giggling friends. Andrew, if I were you, I’d worry less about mythical ‘tape stories’ for the press and work on keeping Emma Stone happy forever.

Emma Stone Claims This Nude Pic Is Not Hers

By Travis February 20, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

If it looks like a cute redhead’s naked body and quacks like a cute redhead’s naked body, then it’s usually a cute redhead’s naked body. However, Emma Stone’s people swear that this nude mirror selfie is not her, despite the fact that it kind of looks like her. According to TMZ, this new photo of mostly unknown origins is being passed off by every pervert from here to Japan as the real deal nude picture of the star of The Help, but “a source close to Emma is adamant” that this isn’t Emma. Whoever it is, as long as she doesn’t end up being some teenager that is going to lead to half of the men in America being arrested, she sure looks like Emma, and there’s always a career in porn for people like that.

Emma Stone is a nerd

By brendon October 10, 2012 @ 7:23 PM

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Emma Stone left an apartment this morning with some guy who is not her boyfriend Andrew Garfield, but Garfield probably has nothing to worry about. Mostly because this other guys casual fabulousness leads me to assume he’s gay, but also because Emma is wearing nerdy glasses and a bow tie. That’s not what a girl wears when she’s out to get laid. Unless she’s trying to fuck Bill Nye.

(image source -= fame/flynet)

Emma Stone is in a bikini

By brendon February 08, 2012 @ 4:58 PM

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Emma Stone probably thought she’d be safe to wear a bikini without the paparazzi getting pictures of her because she’s in Rio. It’s crazy to think that someone spotted her, she blends in perfectly.

(picture source = akm images)

It was all a terrifying joke

By brendon August 26, 2011 @ 1:36 PM

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Yesterday Jim Carrey posted a perplexing video on youtube professing his love for Emma Stone, whom he has never met and who really isn’t that great.

But not to worry, because later he went on his twitter and explained it was all a joke. Ha-ha?

Yes, my msg to Emma Stone was a comedy routine and the funniest part is that everything i said is tru.

And then later he wrote…

People often ask me if i’m being funny or serious. The answer is “YES”. ?;^]

It’s easier to believe that this was a joke if you’ve never been to his website. Jim Carrey is a god damn weirdo, and completely in love with himself, and he probably thought Emma would be on her knees within hours. Maybe the video was too subtle of a joke. Maybe Jim should kick in her door with a gun next time, but cover your ears, because big laughs are coming.