According to the Sun UK, Eva Longoria admits that she loves be sexually submissive, and that includes being tied up. Longoira says:
“I’m not averse to being tied up — I like a man to take charge. There’s something very sexy about being submissive.”
Chicks always say they want this kind of thing, but they only mean it in a very girly way. They want to be tied up with flower petals and kisses. They also say they want to be kidnapped and "forced" to do things, but only in some girly fantasy world. They seem to think kidnappers have long wind swept manes of hair and unbuttoned shirts, and they whisk women away on their pirate ships to feed them strawberries behind velvet blindfolds. A more realistic scenario is that the meth addict who broke into their house sets them on fire and buries them in the desert. He may or may not kill them first. If you’re a meth addict rapist, decisions like that are when you just follow your heart.
(yes the pictures are old, but somehow appropriate)
Please believe me when I tell you that you have 50 chicks in your office right now better looking that some of Hollywood's famous stars. Marcia Cross looks like she'd burst into flames right this second if the sun came out. She'd certainly crumble to dust if you poked her. Thanks to that smart ass judge with the God complex and the sensitivity classes that followed my "incident", I know that Eva Longoria isn't technically a gnome, but unless that car is three stories tall, I'm still pretty sure I could carry her around in my pocket. Don't get me wrong, short chicks are fuckin hot, it's just weird you see some of these chicks and there's something like a car in the picture to give perspective. Like Jessica Simpson here. Or Christina Aguilera here. Can Jessica even reach the peddles on a human sized car. Or do her adorable little feet just sexily dangle over the edge of the seat, her hard smooth legs flexing and stretching, erotically kicking for the brake and she hotly rams into a tree.
Um, okay I'm not really sure where I was going with that.
In theory, these pictures show Eva Longoria "jogging" through the Hollywood Hills this weekend. In reality, it look like she's leading one of those workout videos safe for all ages and fitness levels, even if you've found other videos too fast or difficult and you just couldn't keep up. Seriously, what's with the 60-year-old. And why is there no jogging going on. There's a lot of standing and some casing of a house, but very little jogging. By the end she probably burned the same amount of calories as I did typing this or someone rolling over in bed.
Wow, she does have a really hot ass, though.
Eva Longoria opened the sale at Harrods department store in London yesterday, and for some reason thought it would be a good idea to start making out with a dog on the red carpet. Please note that in picture 5 the dog is leading with tongue and in picture 3, Longoria looks like some kind of goblin. Or maybe the Grinch. I’m not sure what the owner of Harrods was going for by inviting her but it would seem to be some kind of guide to making kids cry.
A formal announcement is expected later today saying that Eva Longoira and Tony Parker, point guard for the San Antonio Spurs and her boyfriend of the past few years, are done. No reason has been given as yet, but Longoria is suspected of being less than faithful, and has been linked with Hayden Christensen and Jamie Foxx among others. And Parker just took it because he’s French. One time he threw down his beret in disgust and stormed away in his black Capri pants and striped shirt, but that was about it. Then she taught him a lesson by mooshing his croissants and he did a mime about crying. Jesus, no wonder they Spurs haven’t won in three years.
Eva Longoria has to try to seduce everything in site, even when she’s just telling a story to her friends. I don’t think most girls writhe around like that and lick their lips unless they’re thinking about sex 35 hours a day. The rumor has always been that Eva likes it a little rough. Or at least she says she does. The problem is, for girls “rough” means the handsome pirate with the long windswept mane of hair ripping the buttons on her blouse as he holds her captive in a velvet blindfold, for guys it means a donkey punch and calling her a whore.
