Farrah Abraham Is Half-Genius

By Lex March 31, 2015 @ 11:18 AM

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Farrah Abraham is many things. She’s not stupid. She’s casting herself as the villain in every possible nook and cranny of her latest crappy staged MTV reality show. She was clearly paying attention to pro wrestling and comic book movies coming up. Not everybody is cut from the hero cloth. If you’re not sure if you are, just take a quick look behind you and see if some guy has his cock in your ass and another guy is filming you with a thumbs up sign. Not a hero. But heroes need villains and that’s where you get the long lasting dollars. Boo, I fucking hate you, hockey goon. Here’s my money, take it to the bank.

On Teen Mom OG, Abraham incessantly delivers staged nasty comments about all the other teen moms being white trash whores. Which they are. But she delivers the lines without irony. Who are people going to remember from this particularly piece of crap? They’re going to remember the horrible bitch with the big fake tits. And she’s going to get paid again. It’s not always about rising up, sometimes it’s just owning the alley. It’s all for the children.

Photo credit: Getty Images/Instagram

MTV Thinks You’re Stupid, You Probably Are

By Lex February 26, 2015 @ 11:24 AM

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Sparked by silent outrage over how horribly staged Teen Mom was, MTV is banking on the fact that you’ll miss how horribly staged their ‘open book’ Teen Mom OG sequel series is. For the sake of their twin masters of Satan and the almighty dollar, MTV reassembled the original gang of chromosomally challenged teen moms to stage them in a series of fake fights, altercations, and some real arrests off camera for substance abuse. If MTV is lucky, they’ll get a suicide. Ratings bump pound explodes. The premise here is that cameras are filming the cameramen so nothing can be faked. If that makes any sense to you, you probably didn’t really earn that high school diploma.

In the teaser trailer, MTV is pushing the conceit that none of the young meth moms are aware that the contemptible Farrah Abraham is returning for the sequel series. Why would you bring back the one cast member with any commercial recognition. Girls who’ve had babies, been imprisoned, buried dead boyfriends, filmed porn, and slung drugs all before nineteen often produce looks of extreme shock at unexpected production notes. The day China produces Teen Mom, Drown Girl Baby, you’ll know maybe we have a chance to ever catch them again.

Photo Credit: WWTDD Archives

MTV Plunders the Shit Can (VIDEO)

By Lex February 10, 2015 @ 6:42 AM

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MTV quite brazenly turns a buck on the backs of fucked up kids. That seems particularly crass considering we live in a time when neighbors shame march around homes where parents have the gall discipline their kids with spankings. In their latest quest to milk ad dollars from the distressed and the distasteful, MTV is bringing back Anal Teen Mom and her little kindergarten aged girl to watch mom swear and get wasted and confront her pornographic career choices. They’re also going to focus on some other Teen Mom show alums who aren’t yet imprisoned or successful in their suicide attempts.

As part of the hook, MTV is going to show the hard work the production crew undertakes to create bogus reality programming. The behind the scenes stuff is also faked, so it’s a multi-layered forgery that ultimately spirals into a feces shaped Scandinavian ring cake. I want to punch everybody involved. Maybe beat them with pillow cases filled with rolled up socks so they bleed internally while I watch naked girls on HBO Latino. I don’t know why that channel comes in on my set, but I’m certain the scruffy muffin tops are adults and making their own poor decisions. If they were five, I’d turn it off.

Farrah Abraham Keeps Winning Things

By Lex February 03, 2015 @ 1:25 PM

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Farrah Abraham snagged the hallowed cover of Northern New Jersey’s Metropolis Nights magazine. It’s like covering Vogue, only you don’t have to put one in the stink of Anna Wintour, lick it, and tell her she’s a good witch. Abraham was voted the honor in the magazines poll, Whose Tits Would You Rather See, Teen Mom or Governor Christie? Farrah won by three votes in a unanimous decision. When you think about the discrimination faced by a young woman who gets knocked up in high school then turns to Jesus and anal porn with equal fervor, she’s come a long way. If you don’t consider those things, she’s barely moved.

Photo Credit: Splash

Porn Remains Our National Treasure

By Lex January 26, 2015 @ 9:44 AM

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No matter how commercially bankrupt we become as a nation, we still exult the shit out of the gritty womenfolk who fuck on camera. Farrah Abraham, who is a mom and not a porn star, led a cavalcade of ass to mouth practitioners up the red carpet for the Adult Video Awards in Vegas. Whose cum are you wearing? Who glittered your taint? There’s no artist pretense to be had when the world has seen your prolapsed rectum under hot lights. Nobody needs to thank their stepdads for fingering them as preteens or the moms who conveniently looked the other way. Greatness isn’t born, it’s built. That’s America. God bless us.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Farrah Abraham Jacked Up Her Grille On Purpose And Shit Around The Web

By Jack January 20, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Notorious cum sponge and young mother Farrah Abraham recently fucked up her face with lip injections that made her look like a dick sucking duck. She’s had her lips fixed and will now appear on the plastic surgery mishap show Botched. The Vegas odds just switched to 92% that she did this on purpose.

See the lengths she’ll go to to cling to her 15 minutes of fame. (Dlisted)

Kayla Lewis shows off her fantastic ass in a red thong bikini. (Egotastic)

Gwyneth Paltrow wears a flesh-colored bikini and it is super gross. (Huffington Post)

Jennifer Lopez’s pointy nips are featured in Complex Magazine. (Drunken Stepfather)

Xenia Deli shows off her meats in these new bikini pics. (Popoholic)

Lindsay Lohan will star in an Esurance commercial for the Super Bowl because cocaine is expensive. (The Superficial)

Justin Bieber is going to be roasted on Comedy Central. I wonder if he’ll cry? (COED)

(Photo Via Twitter)