Porn Remains Our National Treasure

By Lex January 26, 2015 @ 9:44 AM

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No matter how commercially bankrupt we become as a nation, we still exult the shit out of the gritty womenfolk who fuck on camera. Farrah Abraham, who is a mom and not a porn star, led a cavalcade of ass to mouth practitioners up the red carpet for the Adult Video Awards in Vegas. Whose cum are you wearing? Who glittered your taint? There’s no artist pretense to be had when the world has seen your prolapsed rectum under hot lights. Nobody needs to thank their stepdads for fingering them as preteens or the moms who conveniently looked the other way. Greatness isn’t born, it’s built. That’s America. God bless us.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Farrah Abraham Jacked Up Her Grille On Purpose And Shit Around The Web

By Jack January 20, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Notorious cum sponge and young mother Farrah Abraham recently fucked up her face with lip injections that made her look like a dick sucking duck. She’s had her lips fixed and will now appear on the plastic surgery mishap show Botched.┬áThe Vegas odds just switched to 92% that she did this on purpose.

See the lengths she’ll go to to cling to her 15 minutes of fame. (Dlisted)

Kayla Lewis shows off her fantastic ass in a red thong bikini. (Egotastic)

Gwyneth Paltrow wears a flesh-colored bikini and it is super gross. (Huffington Post)

Jennifer Lopez’s pointy nips are featured in Complex Magazine. (Drunken Stepfather)

Xenia Deli shows off her meats in these new bikini pics. (Popoholic)

Lindsay Lohan will star in an Esurance commercial for the Super Bowl because cocaine is expensive. (The Superficial)

Justin Bieber is going to be roasted on Comedy Central. I wonder if he’ll cry? (COED)

(Photo Via Twitter)

Farrah Abraham Botched Lip Surgery

By Lex January 07, 2015 @ 8:30 AM

Farrah Abraham Botched Lip Surgery
Teen Mom Ass Edition had her lips fucked up in a botched plastic surgery visit so she did what any person would do, turned it into a teachable moment for all the young women who view her as a role model. A warning about the dangers of lip enhancements. I suppose the warning about having a baby at sixteen and getting into pornography and stripping comes later. We’ve seen every Farrah Abraham orifice and I’m not sure that her potential male suitors see her giganto lip as anything but an enticement. But Farrah feels betrayed. She is a mother after all. Remember the child and pour 500 cc’s of collagen out for the homies.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Farrah Abraham Strikes Back And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 05, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Farrah Abraham is making a sequel to Backdoor Teen Mom. But I thought she doesn’t do porn and that the first movie was a sex tape? Could it be that she’s full of shit? Only more backdoor will tell.

Read all about the Abraham jizz for cash scenario. (TMZ)

Kim Kardashian looks like a fucking alien with bleached eyebrows. (Huffington Post)

Candice Swanepoel and her tits went to a Victoria’s Secret event. (Drunken Stepfather)

Pania Rose sure knows how to fill out a bra. (Popoholic)

Benedict Cumberbatch gets engaged and fat nerdy girls everywhere cry. (The Superficial)

Clay Aiken loses an election because he’s fucking Clay Aiken. (Dlisted)

An Eva Green calendar is a wank a day. (COED)

Farrah Abraham Mint in Box Vagina

By Lex October 27, 2014 @ 9:23 AM

Farrah Abraham Promotes Her New Line Of Adult Toys At Hustler In LA
Farrah Abraham continues to keep her promise to never do porn again. She’s employed stripping, lap dancing and hawking latex replicas of her pussy and ass as a nicotine patch to wean her off the need for adult cinema. It’s all about being a woman that your daughter can respect. Like Jessica Alba with her Honest company, though instead of selling trendy diapers to white vaccine deniers, Farrah is promoting her bottomless gunt for awkward men to pound between writing letters to their prison wives or proposing bills in Congress. You have to drop many rungs down the ladder of mating success to pay for fake vaginas when you can pay for real vaginas. It might be slightly safe, but Vietnamese girls in denim minis won’t subject you to a built-in voice box urging you to purchase MTV Teen Mom boxed DVD sets. Though that whore technology is only months away.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

It Pays To Be A Whore And Shit Around The Web

By Jack August 20, 2014 @ 12:02 PM

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Do you know how much Farrah Abraham earned doing her strip club topless research? 500k! Let that sink in. This busted lazy-eyed whore made enough to buy a house by flashing her fake tits in Austin. I saw them on the Internet for free. I win.

Read all about how far being a whore can get you. (Huffington Post)

Jessica Simpson wants silicone ass implants so she can look like Kim Kardashian. (Dlisted)

The day I stop caring about Selena Gomez in hot pants is the day I’m dead. (Popoholic)

Check out the TCU cheerleaders calendar and pretend to care about TCU football. (COED)

There’s no football now but Lindsey Duke’s boobs are always in season. (Busted Coverage)

It’s for things like Adrienne Curry in a bikini that I get up in the morning. (The Superficial)

This picture of Helen Hunt getting wet will make your wiener sad. (Hollywood Tuna)