MTV Thinks You’re Stupid, You Probably Are

By Lex February 26, 2015 @ 11:24 AM

Farrah-Abraham-Hanging-Out-With-Strippers-And-Gives-A-Lap-Dance-At-The-Opening-Of-A-Vivid-Strip-Club-In-North-Carolina-LB
Sparked by silent outrage over how horribly staged Teen Mom was, MTV is banking on the fact that you’ll miss how horribly staged their ‘open book’ Teen Mom OG sequel series is. For the sake of their twin masters of Satan and the almighty dollar, MTV reassembled the original gang of chromosomally challenged teen moms to stage them in a series of fake fights, altercations, and some real arrests off camera for substance abuse. If MTV is lucky, they’ll get a suicide. Ratings bump pound explodes. The premise here is that cameras are filming the cameramen so nothing can be faked. If that makes any sense to you, you probably didn’t really earn that high school diploma.

In the teaser trailer, MTV is pushing the conceit that none of the young meth moms are aware that the contemptible Farrah Abraham is returning for the sequel series. Why would you bring back the one cast member with any commercial recognition. Girls who’ve had babies, been imprisoned, buried dead boyfriends, filmed porn, and slung drugs all before nineteen often produce looks of extreme shock at unexpected production notes. The day China produces Teen Mom, Drown Girl Baby, you’ll know maybe we have a chance to ever catch them again.

Photo Credit: WWTDD Archives

MTV Plunders the Shit Can (VIDEO)

By Lex February 10, 2015 @ 6:42 AM

Farrah-Abraham-angrily-storms-off-in-Teen-Mom-OG-promo---YouTube

MTV quite brazenly turns a buck on the backs of fucked up kids. That seems particularly crass considering we live in a time when neighbors shame march around homes where parents have the gall discipline their kids with spankings. In their latest quest to milk ad dollars from the distressed and the distasteful, MTV is bringing back Anal Teen Mom and her little kindergarten aged girl to watch mom swear and get wasted and confront her pornographic career choices. They’re also going to focus on some other Teen Mom show alums who aren’t yet imprisoned or successful in their suicide attempts.

As part of the hook, MTV is going to show the hard work the production crew undertakes to create bogus reality programming. The behind the scenes stuff is also faked, so it’s a multi-layered forgery that ultimately spirals into a feces shaped Scandinavian ring cake. I want to punch everybody involved. Maybe beat them with pillow cases filled with rolled up socks so they bleed internally while I watch naked girls on HBO Latino. I don’t know why that channel comes in on my set, but I’m certain the scruffy muffin tops are adults and making their own poor decisions. If they were five, I’d turn it off.

Farrah Abraham Keeps Winning Things

By Lex February 03, 2015 @ 1:25 PM

Farrah Abraham Flashes Cleavage While Posing With Her Magazine Cover In New Jersey
Farrah Abraham snagged the hallowed cover of Northern New Jersey’s Metropolis Nights magazine. It’s like covering Vogue, only you don’t have to put one in the stink of Anna Wintour, lick it, and tell her she’s a good witch. Abraham was voted the honor in the magazines poll, Whose Tits Would You Rather See, Teen Mom or Governor Christie? Farrah won by three votes in a unanimous decision. When you think about the discrimination faced by a young woman who gets knocked up in high school then turns to Jesus and anal porn with equal fervor, she’s come a long way. If you don’t consider those things, she’s barely moved.

Photo Credit: Splash

Porn Remains Our National Treasure

By Lex January 26, 2015 @ 9:44 AM

farrah abraham avn awards LB
No matter how commercially bankrupt we become as a nation, we still exult the shit out of the gritty womenfolk who fuck on camera. Farrah Abraham, who is a mom and not a porn star, led a cavalcade of ass to mouth practitioners up the red carpet for the Adult Video Awards in Vegas. Whose cum are you wearing? Who glittered your taint? There’s no artist pretense to be had when the world has seen your prolapsed rectum under hot lights. Nobody needs to thank their stepdads for fingering them as preteens or the moms who conveniently looked the other way. Greatness isn’t born, it’s built. That’s America. God bless us.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Farrah Abraham Jacked Up Her Grille On Purpose And Shit Around The Web

By Jack January 20, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

arrah--665x385

Notorious cum sponge and young mother Farrah Abraham recently fucked up her face with lip injections that made her look like a dick sucking duck. She’s had her lips fixed and will now appear on the plastic surgery mishap show Botched. The Vegas odds just switched to 92% that she did this on purpose.

See the lengths she’ll go to to cling to her 15 minutes of fame. (Dlisted)

Kayla Lewis shows off her fantastic ass in a red thong bikini. (Egotastic)

Gwyneth Paltrow wears a flesh-colored bikini and it is super gross. (Huffington Post)

Jennifer Lopez’s pointy nips are featured in Complex Magazine. (Drunken Stepfather)

Xenia Deli shows off her meats in these new bikini pics. (Popoholic)

Lindsay Lohan will star in an Esurance commercial for the Super Bowl because cocaine is expensive. (The Superficial)

Justin Bieber is going to be roasted on Comedy Central. I wonder if he’ll cry? (COED)

(Photo Via Twitter)

Farrah Abraham Botched Lip Surgery

By Lex January 07, 2015 @ 8:30 AM

Farrah Abraham Botched Lip Surgery
Teen Mom Ass Edition had her lips fucked up in a botched plastic surgery visit so she did what any person would do, turned it into a teachable moment for all the young women who view her as a role model. A warning about the dangers of lip enhancements. I suppose the warning about having a baby at sixteen and getting into pornography and stripping comes later. We’ve seen every Farrah Abraham orifice and I’m not sure that her potential male suitors see her giganto lip as anything but an enticement. But Farrah feels betrayed. She is a mother after all. Remember the child and pour 500 cc’s of collagen out for the homies.

Photo Credit: Twitter