This months Vanity Fair has Jessica Simpson on the cover (here) and right across the top it says, “YOU CALL THIS FAT?” And “FAT” is in extra-big caps and italicized, as if to indicate that the person who said it was in disbelief at being called fat. And you have to admit, the pretend version of Jessica Simpson they have on the cover doesn’t look fat at all. She looks terrific. Similarly, here’s a picture of a bunny in a top hat and bow tie. I think someone’s got a hot date tonight, haha. Lookin good, Mr. B!
Meanwhile, back on earth, Jessica Simpson shouldn’t be daring people to call her fat when she’s very clearly fat. I’m sure if someone made me some Daisy Dukes with an elastic waistband I could fit into them too, that doesn’t mean I should or that anyone would think for one instant that I even vaguely resembled Daisy Duke.
(image source = pacific coast)
RIHANNA - Lawyers for Chris Brown want the charges dropped because it was all a misunderstanding when he beat the shit out of Rihanna. “He will argue it was a misunderstanding between two young people passionately in love.” Wow. The balls on this guy. (source = the Sun USA)
FATTIES - Did those fatties bring their own bench? Because the bench they’re on doesn’t look bolted down or anything. So I guess that’s a special one they bring from home. Also because it hasn’t collapsed yet. (source = College Humor)
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - Kim's hot sister took some slutty pictures for Maxim magazine, which no one reads, and the footage of that shoot will air on “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”, which no one watches. She’s got this Hollywood thing all figured out. (source = the Sun UK)
BRITNEY - Britney Spears put on a bikini last week, and across the internet it was like those movies when a brave warrior stands over a cliff and blows into a conch shell. Creepy perverts everywhere leapt into action to see if they could spot her vagina. Because why wouldn’t they. And they did it! There it is! A blurry line near her hip! What a whore she is. (image source = Splash)
