Sad Looking Halloween Celebs

By Lex November 03, 2015 @ 7:22 AM

Sad Looking Halloween Celebs At Casamigas Party Suki Waterhouse
Halloween is supposed to be the happiest drunkest place on earth. But sometimes being young and beautiful and affording the expensive tampons just isn’t enough. Aw, Petunia, you’ve got yourself a case of the miserables. It was hard not to notice how many chicks looked absolutely miserable at the Casamigos Tequila Halloween Party. Jessica Alba, buck the fuck up, you’re a diaper billionaire with perfect tits. Suki Waterhouse, who the fuck sunk your battleship? You need to self-deport. The rest of you, the kitty cat, the fat one, I don’t know who you all are, but keep the battered wife faces at home. This is Halloween. Normal people are trying to get loaded and cop some cheap feels. Quit ruining everything.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Steve Ballmer Apparently Loves Fergie

By Lex January 08, 2015 @ 9:47 AM

Remember when nerds were fat dumpy awkward dudes with Aspergers when we still called it spastic? I miss those nerds. Now everybody with a high IQ and a chip on their shoulder from being born without athletic ability is looking to lay waste to the digital landscape. Steve Ballmer seems okay letting his happy out. It’s not pretty, but it’s genuine. Why not revel in the fact that the modern era allows nerds to own basketball teams and the money to hire a boatload of people to tell you how awesome you are. That’s what I’d do. I don’t need to hack Sony or the Pentagon. I just want some young models to lie to me. Old school.

Steve Ballmer Shakes It To Fergie At Clippers Game

Photo Credit: Splash/Vine/CalvinKlein

Fergie Relives Pissing On Herself (VIDEO)

By Matt November 14, 2014 @ 8:39 AM

Fergie opened up about that time she pissed all over herself onstage, either to generate promotion for her new album or because she was wasted and about to pee on herself again. There’s not really much to the story according to Fergie, she just really had to piss and didn’t have time before the show. Muscle relaxers or vaginal trauma were not involved:

“I’m running on and we jump and do Let’s Get It Started, and I get crazy and I jump and I run across the stage and my adrenaline was going and gosh… I wish it didn’t happen…It was so embarrassing!”

It would have been embarrassing in the car driving to Vegas with your girlfriends for a bachelorette party. Doing it to a packed house just means you’re mistaking your purpose in life. Let sing the hook and take a leak on some cables backstage. With any luck you’ll short out the system and people will have the pleasure of listening to Prince on the PA while your band reflects on why they were forced by their label to make you a member.

Josh Duhamel Looks Miserable

By Lex July 29, 2013 @ 5:11 PM

Fergie And Josh Duhamel Go To Church In Brentwood
The last time I saw this face was on James Gandolfini a month before he passed. It’s overwhelmed man face. Josh Duhamel has it going on in spades. Getting around with the ladies in Hollywood was no problem for this famed cocksman, but nurturing a blown up Fergie through her pregnancy seems to have Josh on the cliff’s edge. Yeah, Fergie looks like hell too. But she’s having a baby. Nature is supposed to make her unhappy. Josh, he’s looking ready to Shawshank through half a mile of sewer line to get out right about now. This should get interesting.

Photo Credit: Splash

Fergie Is Legally Changing Her Name To Fergie

By Travis July 15, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Black Eyed Peas singer Stacy Ferguson is more commonly known to fans of really generic pop music as Fergie, while fewer people know her as Mrs. Josh Duhamel. But as she’s set to soon give birth to the couple’s first child, Fergie decided that after almost five years of marriage, it’s time to not only take her husband’s last name, but also officially change her name to Fergie. So long, Stacy Ferguson. Hello, Fergie Duhamel.

Despite it sounding like the perfect drag queen name, I think Fergie is on to something here and she should change her name every few years to reflect where she is in life. For instance, when the couple eventually gets divorced, she can change it to Skin Like An Over-Oiled Baseball Glove Ferguson. It will be beautiful.

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Ever Get the Feeling Bill Clinton Is Staring at Your Tits?

By Lex May 28, 2013 @ 4:42 PM

I can respect consistency. Yeah, it’s not so classy I suppose for a gentleman and ex-President to keep peering down at the cleavage of every woman he ran into at a fancy ball in Vienna. And, yes, most men would distinguish between checking out Fergie’s swollen mammaries and popping wood for 78-year old Barbara Eden in her Jeannie costume. But Bill Clinton is a fucking horn dog machine. You can’t take that out of him. There’d be nothing left.