Milena Cardoso and Fernanda Uesler Seem Helpful

By Lex September 10, 2014 @ 1:00 PM

Milena Cardoso and Fernanda Uesler Help Eachother With Their Bikinis In Miami
You can’t just let your Brazilian model apartment mate’s top fall down on the beach. If her tits fly out of her bikini top, she might just land herself the ideal male suitor before you do. This is like Nam. You don’t want to be the one left behind when the chopper goes airborne. You’re not helping her re-tie her bikini top, you’re securing your virtual vagina around the shaft of a guy with real estate holdings about to walk around the corner.

Photo Credit: Splash

Milena Cardoso and Fernanda Uesler In Bikinis

By Lex September 04, 2014 @ 11:07 AM

Brazilian Models Milena Cardoso and Fernanada Uesler Take Pix On The Beach In Miami
I don’t need to hear a girl with an accent ask me twice ‘I’m looking for opportunities in America,’ before I know she’s a Brazilian model hoping to settle down near a body of water not overrun with plastic bottles. People in Brazil will travel thousands of miles just to toss their Fanta soda empties into the slum rivers. It helps to drive up the American environmentalist documentarian tourist trade . If I had nice tits and a perfect tan, I’d jet out of bottle town as well. Miami’s the place to be. If you can’t land a Canseco brother, you’re bound to run into a guy who claims to be a night club promoter who drives a brightly colored sports car. Climb in. Only good things can happen from there.

Photo Credit: Splash

Fernanda Uesler in a Bikini

By Lex June 11, 2014 @ 4:10 PM

Fernanda Uesler In Bikini Bottoms And A Brazil World Cup Jersey At The Beach In Miami
There can’t be much greater fortune in life than being born Brazilian and hot enough to get the fuck out of Brazil. There are plenty of Americans who jet off to Rio for a beach holiday. Very few apply for asylum. No offense Brazil, you’re still the third least shitty country in Latin America after Argentina and Uruguay. Albeit, that’s like being the third best player in a Jewish basketball league. No offense Jews, you’re still a top five religion. I’m stopping now.

Photo Credit: Splash

Fernanda Uesler Poses In Bikinis For A Photo Shoot At The Beach In Miami

By Lex April 30, 2014 @ 10:42 AM

Fernanda Uesler Poses In Bikinis For A Photo Shoot At The Beach In Miami

Photo Credit: Splash

Fernanda Uesler In A Bikini

By Lex January 30, 2014 @ 4:21 PM

Fernanda Uesler In A Bikini On The Beach In Miami
Here’s that Brazilian chick again who looks like she stepped straight out of some bikini magazine. Everything about her looks perfect. You can’t tell she’s Brazilian necessarily because she’s not kicking a soccer ball or shooting homeless urchins with shotguns, but I bet she’d look great doing that too in her bikini. It’d be like Machete, except people will actually see it.

Photo Credit: Splash

Fernanda Uesler In A Bikini

By Lex January 22, 2014 @ 5:52 PM

Fernanda Uesler In A Multicolored Bikini At The Beach In Miami
That Brazilian chick with the perfectly groomed bush is back in Miami. I actually can’t see the entire cut of her jib, but I’d like to imagine she has some finely shorn pubic hairs etched into the shape of Bebeto. Along with her perfect smile and hair blowing like a 70′s pinup calendar despite the presence of any wind, Fernanda Uesler is the perfect woman to bring home to my mom. Well, that predatory lesbian Svengali who raised me to go out into the world and find her young female flesh. Cynthia to her friends.

Photo Credit: Splash