Milena Cardoso and Fernanda Uesler Seem Helpful

You can't just let your Brazilian model apartment mate's top fall down on the beach. If her tits fly out of her bikini top, she might just land herself the ideal male suitor before you do. This is like Nam. You don't want to be the one left behind when the chopper goes airborne. You're not helping her re-tie her bikini top, you're securing your virtual vagina around the shaft of a guy with real estate holdings about...

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Milena Cardoso and Fernanda Uesler In Bikinis

I don't need to hear a girl with an accent ask me twice 'I'm looking for opportunities in America,' before I know she's a Brazilian model hoping to settle down near a body of water not overrun with plastic bottles. People in Brazil will travel thousands of miles just to toss their Fanta soda empties into the slum rivers. It helps to drive up the American environmentalist documentarian tourist trade . If I had nice...

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Fernanda Uesler in a Bikini

There can't be much greater fortune in life than being born Brazilian and hot enough to get the fuck out of Brazil. There are plenty of Americans who jet off to Rio for a beach holiday. Very few apply for asylum. No offense Brazil, you're still the third least shitty country in Latin America after Argentina and Uruguay. Albeit, that's like being the third best player in a Jewish basketball league. No offense Jews,...

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Fernanda Uesler Poses In Bikinis For A Photo Shoot At The Beach In Miami

Photo Credit: Splash [gallery ids="1740328,1740329,1740330,1740331,1740332,1740333,1740334"]

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Fernanda Uesler In A Bikini

Here's that Brazilian chick again who looks like she stepped straight out of some bikini magazine. Everything about her looks perfect. You can't tell she's Brazilian necessarily because she's not kicking a soccer ball or shooting homeless urchins with shotguns, but I bet she'd look great doing that too in her bikini. It'd be like Machete, except people will actually see it. Photo Credit: Splash [gallery id="4355"]

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Fernanda Uesler In A Bikini

That Brazilian chick with the perfectly groomed bush is back in Miami. I actually can't see the entire cut of her jib, but I'd like to imagine she has some finely shorn pubic hairs etched into the shape of Bebeto. Along with her perfect smile and hair blowing like a 70's pinup calendar despite the presence of any wind, Fernanda Uesler is the perfect woman to bring home to my mom. Well, that predatory lesbian Svengali...

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Fernanda Uesler In A Bikini

I don't know who this girl is, but I'm going to guess she's Brazilian. Miami Beach is littered with these girls whose hair blows perfectly in the wind like straight out of a dream, right before the nocturnal emission. They're not scared to death of the sun like women in the Northern Hemisphere who want to ensure that their skin remains unblemished for when they're old and nobody cares anymore to see them without their...

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