50 Cent’s Literacy Challenge

By Lex August 26, 2014 @ 10:44 AM

50-Cent-Muging

This is why I wouldn’t step up and Kickstart Geordie’s Reading Rainbow. A little knowledge is not a good thing. 5o Cent claims he’s worried about Floyd Mayweather’s illiteracy. Illiteracy is a nationwide epidemic that affects upwards of one-hundred percent of people who can’t read. Or forty-five percent of the Los Angeles school district, though in a 1985 statement, they say they’re working hard on it. It was forty-seven percent by last count, so maybe not working super hard. 50 Cent decided the best way to bring light to his former friend’s plight was to challenge Mayweather to read a page of a Harry Potter book aloud without sounding out the words. For this feat, 50 Cent would donate $750,000 to Mayweather’s charity of choice. 50 Cent knows Mayweather can’t read so this was more of a taunt than a challenge. Also, what kind of grown man wants to read Harry Potter?

Mayweather’s no dummy. Figuratively speaking. Literally, obviously, he is a dummy. He fired back with his pictures of his last two paychecks from his promoter totaling $72 million. And a simple message, ‘read this’. I suppose it was meant to say, read this, you Chelsea Handler Fucking Dumbledore Rapping Clown Piece of Shit. If only Mayweather could spell, he could really express his feelings.

Mayweather’s point is well taken. You don’t need to know how to read if you can make $72 million in a single year as a professional boxer. Or even a Super Bowl winning quarterback or a rapper who bangs babies into Kim Kardashian. If this is  your plan, I’d quit school right now and get to it. There are only about 20 spots open nationwide and they’re probably filling up fast. P.S. Voldemort dies.

Paycheck-to-Floyd-Mayweather

Photo credit: Splash News / Floyd Mayweather Twitter

Floyd Mayweather Desperate For Approval

By Matt August 08, 2014 @ 6:32 AM

Money

Floyd Mayweather posted a clip to Instagram of himself getting washed in a bathtub. The woman is apparently his assistant and Vegas odds just spiked on how long will pass before she sues him for sexual harassment. Mayweather posted a screed along with the vid:

“This is how I get my day started, everyday. – MR. MY LIFE IS THE SHIT”

I’m sure Warren Buffet is jealous you start every day with blue balls. If he is going to pay someone to touch him against their wishes, Floyd needs to man up and get a hooker. Or just yell really loudly at Justin Bieber one tub over. I’m not as rich as Mayweather, but I still don’t care about this childish showboating because I have a shower. Real men only receive sponge baths if they’ve been injured in battle. It’s super gay and just makes your opponents and the rest of the world want to punch you really fucking hard.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Floyd Mayweather Has a Love Misunderstood

By Matt July 17, 2014 @ 6:01 AM

Bieber Mayweather

Floyd Mayweather said he is actually friends with Justin Bieber and not just pretending to like Justin Bieber like the rest of the people who like Justin Bieber. Mayweather was offended when it was suggested otherwise, as if him and Biebs used to hustle in the same crew back in the D in the late 80′s:

“To me, that’s kind of racial profiling”

Clearly Mayweather does not understand what that term means. Being questioned about your  relationship with a twink Canadian pop star does not make you the next Rubin Hurricane Carter. People don’t find your best buddies relationship strange because Bieber is white. Nobody thinks it’s weird that Tim Duncan is friends with Manu Ginobili. Denzel Washington has probably never been asked why he occasionally dines with Tom Hanks, since neither of them are known sociopaths or will be releasing a line of backpacks together in the near future.

Nobody hangs with Bieber unless he is buying. Alright maybe to pick off some barely legal Beliebers, but young white chicks don’t like getting punched. They’re not like old school entourage who could take a fist to the brow and keep mum for the authorities. Mayweather either has a low down fetish for bratty schoolchildren or is grooming Bieber for a future restaurant chain investment loan once he blows his fight money on child support and paying off the goombahs who fixed his Mosley fight. ‘Because I actually like Justin’ is not a legitimate answer to any question.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Floyd Mayweather Is Attached to Justin Bieber

By Lex May 05, 2014 @ 5:31 PM

Athletes have always been superstitious. I was willing to back Floyd Mayweather on wanting little Ricky Schroeder redux in his corner to bring the leprechaun champ mojo, but when the two started taking selfies and tweeting teen love notes to each other and sharing videos of their joint pre-fight pedicures, I found myself picking up my imaginary sat phone and ordering an airstrike on all of Las Vegas. Fuck Britney and the hundreds of thousands of tubby innocents. I know what Bieber is getting out of his one and only social attachment to something resembling a man, what Mayweather sees in this unholy alliance between boxer and grinning Make-a-Wish stand-in, I do not know. I’m going to go ahead and assume there’s somebody being held in a basement somewhere.