Mayweather vs. Berto Not Flying Off the Shelf

By Lex September 10, 2015 @ 2:17 PM

Remember when you thought paying $100 to see Floyd Mayweather slap around a crippled Pinoy made you pretty fucking cool? Nobody’s buying into this mouthy wife beater going next fight with a dude with less credibility than Spider Rico. Showtime is suing the shit out of all those Moldovan free sporting event streaming sites to ensure that even the mildly retarded are forced to purchase ten years of Showtime to watch the fight. It’s Mayweather vs. Rousey or Mayweather vs Crazy Midget With a Dagger Wasted on Flakka or I’m clicking link #7 and canceling Showtime forever.

Photo Credit: Getty

Floyd Mayweather Buying Love

By Matt August 24, 2015 @ 6:24 AM

Mayweather Car

Floyd Mayweather bought or at least posed with and pretended to buy a 5 million dollar car. His kids also hate him. That’s doesn’t excuse your Sentra with the ketchup stains on the cloth upholstery. It’s a Koenigsegg CCXR Trevita. No idea what that means but it goes really fast into a brick wall. Try and top it out, Money. I’ve seen your fights, let’s get you bloody for once. Normally head room would be a problem but you’re a midget who beats up other midgets and occasionally your special lady. History will not look kindly on us as a people. But definitely not you. Yes, you can be asked to be buried in that thing. 

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Floyd Mayweather Going Through Motions

By Matt June 30, 2015 @ 7:04 AM


Floyd Mayweather is dumber than your dumbest friend. And that guy’s retarded. He’s made quite a bit of money but that can’t reform the school system in Detroit. In plain English he doesn’t know how to read or therefore count. He just bought a car that costs 5 million dollars. That’s the equivalent of you dropping a hundred grand on a Big Mac. He’ll be dead within a year. You can’t take it with you. I think. Don’t beat your kids. Maybe just don’t have them. Your friend could kick his ass. He’s over 160.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Floyd Mayweather Hopeless Romantic

By Matt June 02, 2015 @ 7:20 AM


Floyd Mayweather’s ex-fiancee Shantel Jackson is suing the shit out of him in between bouts of porking Nelly. Who says women can’t get ahead in the world without getting punched in the head and fucking a rapper. Included in court documents are a marriage proposal Mayweather allegedly sent her via tex message which offered his undying love should negotiations go according to plan:

“This is what I offer to you. Let’s get married move in together you can go back in forth to L.A and stay at the condo. I promise I will get you in 3 A list movies this year and I’m willing to go to counseling to make us work and you can get the stuff you want and I’m willing to change but I need you to have a better attitude.”

I’m pretty sure Hollywood frowns upon straight men and most certainly doesn’t take heed from woman beaters. You’d have better luck negotiating a cameo in Aloha for Kim Jong un’s sister. She plays the caterer. Jackson rejected the proposal as it seemed inauthentic given that Mayweather is illiterate and clearly teaching Robert Shapiro how to send his first text. Tyler Perry’s movies are A-List in the same way as the Zapruder film although Oswald did far less damage to the American psyche. I wish the two of them luck. It’s a good thing Mayweather lives in Vegas. Far less clock towers and the windows are sealed.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Floyd Mayweather Stay Home

By Matt May 15, 2015 @ 8:11 AM


Floyd Mayweather went to the Golden State Warriors game and was booed loudly when shown on the Jumbotron but to be fair he was the only black guy not in uniform. We’re all for progress just not in my back yard and why is this arena in my fucking back yard I have half an acre. Some wine fed sports enthusiast started heckling Mayweather while sitting right behind him but he gets that all the time. That’s why he employs body guards. Some people think it’s because he carries around stacks of hundreds for his super cool Instagram page and is a target for robbery. Not the case, a debit card and you’re all set.

Turns out Mayweather is a petite little guy who only knocks out women. Hence a lot of dudes want to kick his ass. Particularly the chick’s parolee brother but also the guy piloting the private jet. The terrorist are innovative you have to give them that. At some point during the night the chick hit a member of Mayweather’s entourage with one of those annoying clapping sticks they hand out at games and his food stamps nearly fell out of his sweat pants. Reports differ as to whether the dude reacted physically or not. Police are investigating. Either way, if McDonald’s can refuse service to any customer I’m pretty sure the NBA can too. Auction off the ticket to a charity that helps battered women. One less headache. Trip him.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Mayweather and Pacquiao Felt Like Just Enough

By Lex May 04, 2015 @ 8:46 AM


The fight of the century is over. All that’s left is to steam clean the cum and body oiled stained sheets at hotels throughout Las Vegas and pretend America didn’t collectively waste ten million weeks of supplemental food stamps money watching two guys past their prime wink the shit out of each other for their mega successful flimflam. The spectacle was unparalleled, right down to somebody firing off the Mexican National Anthem because somebody in the truck felt Pacquiao looked kind of spicky. When Jamie Foxx got up to sing to the world for no good reason, I felt confident in my plan to watch by way of the less expensive Russian digital feed. The big winner was Floyd Mayweather who pulled aside female reporters asking about his history of domestic abuse and beat them with his $100 million pre-fight downpayment check. Everybody had a stake in hyping this up as a real thing. That’s how long cons get rolling. At least there are no more fights this century.

Photo credit: GettyImages