The Mayor of Paris says the reputation of the City of Light has been besmirched by Fox News. She’s going to sue for one trillion Francs and the return of the Statue of Liberty. In the days after the Charlie Hebdo attack, Fox News ran a piece on Paris and other European cities where there are large Muslim immigrant enclaves and labeled them ‘No-Go’ zones for non-Muslim citizens. Fox News claimed these parts of town were governed by Islamic Sharia law and too dangerous even for cops to enter, let alone regular Parisians. It turns out that’s not really true. The Sharia law part. The part about being super dangerous violent immigrant gang infested neighborhoods stands. Still no-go, but not a no-go Allahu Akbar. More like no-go, Compton at 3am.
Fox News apologized for moderately disliking Muslims and for working for Rupert Murdoch who really really dislikes Muslims. For their part, Paris refused to apologize for importing boatloads of destitute Middle Eastern and North African immigrants and forcing them into welfare slums to breed jihad. CNN later apologized for being the only network to carry the story about Fox News apologizing. I apologize for not showing any tits. We’re close to healing.
In a recent op-ed in the Chicago Sun-Times, Jenny McCarthy made the very interesting claim that she is not and never has been “anti-vaccine,” despite her years of being a mouthpiece for the anti-vaccine movement. Instead, she’s blaming blogs for misquoting her after all this time, as she wrote that she’s always been cool with vaccines, and she just believes that certain kids should have to get less shots. Either way, the point all along should have been that if you take medical advice from Jenny Fucking McCarthy, then you should probably accept that your stupid ass had it coming.
Fox News eye candy Megyn Kelly smelled blood in the wet t-shirt contest and went to town on Jenny’s flip-flopping, as her millions of old white male viewers cheered her on. But the only real solution is for Megyn to have Jenny on her show for an actual debate, in which they have to use body paints on each other to make their points.
Jim Carrey returned to the big screen for the first time in nearly two years with The Incredible Burt Wonderstone earlier this month, and so far it has been a huge bomb. But even if the film were a smash hit, people wouldn’t be talking about it, because it’s his recent Funny or Die effort that has people freaking out and stockpiling ammo for the coming Civil War.
Entitled “Cold Dead Hand”, Carrey’s music video is a country music throwback that picks a fight with Charlton Heston’s cold, dead, decomposed hand by mocking his infamous NRA battle cry. So what happens when the guy whose tiny dick you’re making fun of is too dead to defend himself? Fox News comes to his rescue in the easiest PR stunt that any failing actor could ask for.
Specifically, host of Red Eye and panelist on The Five Greg Gutfield teed off Carrey, accusing him of “killing more people than rifles” because he opposes vaccines, before going after him on Twitter. And really, nothing counters someone’s claim that you have a tiny penis like trying to fight someone on Twitter. I don’t even know how Gutfield can wear pants with that huge dick of his.
Just before 3:00pm ET today, Fox News began covering what seemed to be a routine car chase in Arizona. Police were in pursuit of a carjacker who, after hitting speeds of 110mph on the highway, pulled onto a winding dirt road, got out of the car, ran for a hundred yards or so, then shot himself in the temple.
And despite being on a 5-second delay, and Shepard Smiths obvious trepidation, the suicide was broadcast. Smith immediately issued an apology, and I appreciate the sentiment but it wasn’t necessary. It was a carjacker with his pants belted around his thighs and a Raiders jersey. I would have shot him just for the pants.