Gabrielle Union Plays the Race Card (also the Woman Card and the Kid Card)

By Lex September 22, 2014 @ 6:21 AM

Gabrielle-Union-on-Allure-magazine

Gabrielle Union says she’s calling the FBI over her leaked nude photos. She insists they were private keepsakes meant for just her and Dwyane Wade and maybe Dwayne Wade’s ex-wife if he chose to show them to her to taunt her about the hot new celebrity pussy he was getting. I’m sure a top level agent at the Hoover Building is handling all the late night calls from celebrities. The Feds must have read Gabrielle and Dwyane’s impressive joint statement on their hate crime attack:

I can’t help but to be reminded that since the dawn of time women and children, specifically women of color, have been victimized, and the power over their own bodies taken from them. These atrocities against women and children continue worldwide.

Only by matching public relations forces could they come up with comparing the leaking of Gabrielle showing off her tits in the bathroom to the institutionalized rape and subjugation of millions. I remember when a kid in sixth grade gym pantsed me in front of some girls. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the Armenian genocide. I wish System of a Down had been there to play me out of the gym.

Gabrielle’s next letter should be to the leading celebrity media outlets wondering why her name wasn’t mentioned in any of their celebrity hacked photo stories today. Now that’s some racist child victimizing shit right there.

Gabrielle Union + Las Vegas = Perfect

By Travis May 21, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Back in February, there were some pretty nasty rumors that Miami Heat star Dwyane Wade was cheating on his model girlfriend Gabrielle Union with random NBA groupie skanks, and some websites even posted a letter that was allegedly written by a girl who claimed to have not only been in Wade’s home, but also that she had pictures of his bags in her hotel room. Gabrielle shot down the rumors on Twitter, saying that the same girl made the same claims a year before, adding, “Take ur meds.”

That said, it must be tough to be Gabrielle, knowing that there are girls out there who attend NBA games with the sole purpose of trying to sleep with players like Dwyane. So it’s nice to see that she took a little vacation to Las Vegas this week, where she enjoyed a bottle of vodka while a friend slapped her ass. Don’t let the haters get to you, Gabrielle.

OH MAMA

By brendon February 29, 2008 @ 1:21 PM

I like to think this is exactly what Gabrielle Union would look like if I got on top of her to sling my ropes.  Except she wouldn’t have that content smile on her face.  Despite a media brainwashing to the contrary, experience has taught me that the female orgasm is only a myth.  

(note: in two of these – here and here – it appears she’s belong attacked by a seagull, yet they still made it into the general release of pictures.  what the hell was going on in the ones they held back?  did she put her suit on backwards and take a dump in the sand?  was there a murder in the background?  someone seriously needs to go back to Picture Releasing School)