Gary Oldman Splitting Asunder

By Matt January 13, 2015 @ 6:33 AM


Gary Oldman is divorcing his fourth wife but his trophy collection remains stable. They say half of all marriages end in divorce but I wonder if twisted serial marriage guys like Oldman are skewing those statistics. Most of the married people I know still seem to be married and miserable. Universally accessible Internet porn can help you coast through the rougher decades.

Considering marriage is an entirely voluntarily act and that by the time you’re at Oldman’s age and stats, everybody who cares for you must be urging you to quit doing it, you’re kind of just that asshole who does as he pleases. Alexandra was pretty fucking hot and twenty years your junior. You can’t trade up forever.

Photo Credit: Getty Images 

Gary Oldman Apologizes to the Jews Who Run Hollywood

By Lex June 25, 2014 @ 9:33 AM


Gary Oldman’s Playboy interview is blowing up online. True to Internet rage form, nobody actually read the interview. They read the selected blurbs and became furious. Then people got furious at the people who got furious, because according to the Social Media Act of 2012, that’s a far more erudite position to knee-jerk. The actor’s supporters begged everybody to ignore the blurbs and read the full Playboy article but that’s a lot of work so everybody just went back to the blurbs and bitched some more. I read the entirety, if for no other reason than to live the joke, I read Playboy for the articles. Which is slightly less of a joke when you consider the alternative is Lindsay Lohan’s airbrushed vagina.

The bulk of the Playboy interview involves Oldman offering up some amusing anecdotes about the Planet of the Apes movie he’s hawking. Then he bitches about how parents, music, movies, and society aren’t nearly as good as they used to be. He even takes on twerking. It’s deep. The interview is really just a pro-forma run through the IMDB credits until Gary offhandedly mentions Mel Gibson in relation to film production. The Playboy interviewer brings up the 2006 Gibson DUI incident probably hoping to get something quote worthy. His success:

I don’t know about Mel. He got drunk and said a few things, but we’ve all said those things. We’re all fucking hypocrites. That’s what I think about it. The policeman who arrested him has never used the word nigger or that fucking Jew? I’m being brutally honest here. It’s the hypocrisy of it that drives me crazy. Or maybe I should strike that and say “the N word” and “the F word,” though there are two F words now.  Alec calling someone an F-A-G in the street while he’s pissed off coming out of his building because they won’t leave him alone. I don’t blame him. So they persecute. Mel Gibson is in a town that’s run by Jews and he said the wrong thing because he’s actually bitten the hand that I guess has fed him—and doesn’t need to feed him anymore because he’s got enough dough. He’s like an outcast, a leper, you know? But some Jewish guy in his office somewhere hasn’t turned and said, “That fucking kraut” or “Fuck those Germans,” whatever it is? We all hide and try to be so politically correct. That’s what gets me. It’s just the sheer hypocrisy of everyone, that we all stand on this thing going, “Isn’t that shocking?” 

Read More About Oldman, Krauts, and Jon Stewart

Gary Oldman Defends Mel Gibson

By Matt June 24, 2014 @ 3:34 PM

Gary Oldman

Getting Mel Gibson’s back is no simple task. But, what the fuck, Gary Oldman went for it on the radio. Oldman thinks it’s bullshit that James Mee, the deputy sheriff who arrested Gibson for a DUI, included four pages of Gibson’s anti-Semitic rants in the police report. Without any particular evidence, Oldman plainly suggested that the arresting officer is likely every bit the racist spouting Jew-hater as Mel Gibson.

“The policeman who arrested him has never used the word nigger or that fucking Jew?” 

Oldman obviously didn’t recall that Gibson was arrested by the lone Jewish deputy in the sheriff’s department, which was why he went on the I Hate Jews tirade in the first place. It was a natural conversation segue. James Mee is angrily refuting Oldman’s claim, since, you know, there’s not a shred of evidence and it’s fucking stupid. I would expect Oldman to offer an out of touch apology soon. In the future he might want to stay away from defending Gibson and stick to Euro-celebrity sensibilities such as rooting for Palestine, opposing free trade, and lauding obscure movies about incest.

Photo Credit: Getty Images