By Lex August 20, 2015 @ 2:53 PM
I’d never tell a woman how to dress. If I did, I’d tell her to dress like this. If you notice how greasy her face is you’re probably sexually fluid and should consider spending more on belts. This Owen Wilson movie has all the makings of a film that one guy you really hate at work will tell you he loved. Again, focus on the tits. You’re not in David Geffen’s treehouse. You still need to pretend.
Photo Credit: Getty/PacificCoastNews
By Lex November 06, 2014 @ 11:45 AM
This chick really is my favorite. She’s the hot blonde South African model that wasn’t killed by Oscar Pistorious in the Blade Runner model murder roulette. She’s using her second chance at life to show off her tits and ass in every single one of her home country’s twenty nine thousand swimsuit magazines. They do love their bikinis mags on the southern tip of that plague stricken continent. It helps to remind them of what life will be like when Dutch Afrikaner Jesus comes and builds even bigger fences around the black squatter camps.
Photo Credit: Gavin Bond
By Lex August 12, 2014 @ 11:32 AM
I don’t know why women require eighty-two dozen bikini options each summer. You could probably do with three. The Model, the Average Girl, and the You Probably Shouldn’t Be in a Bikini. Men only need five minutes to purchase a bathing suit. That includes check out and parking. The exception is in Europe where men Theodolite their Lycra stretched junk to ensure they will properly interlock in the all-male beach centipede. With every single attractive girl with big hooters getting jobs as bikini models, the auto dealer receptionists are not nearly as hot as they used to be. And good luck finding a boner-worthy girl working the Baskin-Robbins. This is why brick and mortar businesses are dying. All the best tits are on the Internet. I’m pretty sure I just nailed a doctoral thesis.
Photo Credit: Panache
By Lex July 17, 2014 @ 12:48 PM
This South African chick will do anything for attention. You think laying naked on a rocky beach is pleasant? You get a chunk of limestone up your cunny and you’ll be wondering why you didn’t take that weekend shift at the Johannesburg Chick-fil-A. Ambition really is what differentiates the aspiring models from the girls who no longer have to blow old men named Rick to pay the rent. What’s a rock up the cooch when you’re relieved of that horrid existence. No offense, Rick.
Photo Credit: Randall Slavin
By Lex July 03, 2014 @ 8:51 AM
Genevieve Morton seems to be booking about five magazine shoots per day. She finished out last night with a racy nature pictorial for Ranger Rick. She’s trying to earn enough coin to be smuggled over the giant wall they built around South Africa to contain all the rabid vacation resort monkeys. Either that or Oscar Pistorious invited her over to use his bathroom. It’s only a matter of time before she’s dating a soccer player or a DJ. That’ll be the same day she stops taking pictures with her top off. It’s the supermodel circle of life.
Photo Credit: GQ South Africa
By Lex July 01, 2014 @ 10:22 AM
I like this South African chick a lot. I’d like to think we could spend hours over drinks discussing how the trains ran on time under Apartheid before unlocking the seven deadbolts on her Johannesburg loft and making love like otters. Christ, just look at that body. She makes me want to learn a foreign language or kill an MTV programming executive. As if I’d ever learn a foreign language.
Photo Credit: Panache