By Lex August 12, 2014 @ 11:32 AM
I don’t know why women require eighty-two dozen bikini options each summer. You could probably do with three. The Model, the Average Girl, and the You Probably Shouldn’t Be in a Bikini. Men only need five minutes to purchase a bathing suit. That includes check out and parking. The exception is in Europe where men Theodolite their Lycra stretched junk to ensure they will properly interlock in the all-male beach centipede. With every single attractive girl with big hooters getting jobs as bikini models, the auto dealer receptionists are not nearly as hot as they used to be. And good luck finding a boner-worthy girl working the Baskin-Robbins. This is why brick and mortar businesses are dying. All the best tits are on the Internet. I’m pretty sure I just nailed a doctoral thesis.
Photo Credit: Panache
By Lex July 17, 2014 @ 12:48 PM
This South African chick will do anything for attention. You think laying naked on a rocky beach is pleasant? You get a chunk of limestone up your cunny and you’ll be wondering why you didn’t take that weekend shift at the Johannesburg Chick-fil-A. Ambition really is what differentiates the aspiring models from the girls who no longer have to blow old men named Rick to pay the rent. What’s a rock up the cooch when you’re relieved of that horrid existence. No offense, Rick.
Photo Credit: Randall Slavin
By Lex July 03, 2014 @ 8:51 AM
Genevieve Morton seems to be booking about five magazine shoots per day. She finished out last night with a racy nature pictorial for Ranger Rick. She’s trying to earn enough coin to be smuggled over the giant wall they built around South Africa to contain all the rabid vacation resort monkeys. Either that or Oscar Pistorious invited her over to use his bathroom. It’s only a matter of time before she’s dating a soccer player or a DJ. That’ll be the same day she stops taking pictures with her top off. It’s the supermodel circle of life.
Photo Credit: GQ South Africa
By Lex July 01, 2014 @ 10:22 AM
I like this South African chick a lot. I’d like to think we could spend hours over drinks discussing how the trains ran on time under Apartheid before unlocking the seven deadbolts on her Johannesburg loft and making love like otters. Christ, just look at that body. She makes me want to learn a foreign language or kill an MTV programming executive. As if I’d ever learn a foreign language.
Photo Credit: Panache
By Lex June 20, 2014 @ 4:02 PM
The rise of Victoria’s Secret and Sports Illustrated photography sessions has been a huge boon for hot girls in South Africa. While these young women used to be limited to lives as the trophy wives of wealthy blood diamond purveyors and members of secret Afrikaner purity death squads, they can now rise to the level of international models and celebrities. And, they still probably have a little time left over for the death squad work when they’re home for the holidays.
Photo Credit: Nathan Paul Swimwear
By Lex February 13, 2014 @ 4:14 PM
This South African chick is about to be airbrushed up to and including the wazoo in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. I felt it was my duty as Student Body President to share a look at her tits not technologically re-imagined. Someday, they won’t even hire girls to model anymore, they’ll just digitally produce them for total ease and manipulation of male viewers. I hope that day is soon and the controller contains a ‘say my name’ button.
Photo Credit: The Riker Brothers