George Lucas is giving away $4 billion, is an idiot

By brendon November 01, 2012 @ 3:50 PM

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Everyone knows that the last ‘Indiana Jones’ movie and the 3 ‘Star Wars’ prequels were awful, and that was 100 percent George Lucas’ fault because he’s an asshole. He lucked into everything he has and now he thinks he’s much much smarter than he really is. So the only fitting response this week when Disney bought LucasFilm for 4 billion dollars, and then announced plans for more ‘Indiana Jones’ and ‘Star Wars’ movies not made by an idiot, was “fuck” and “yes.”

And what will Lucas do with his 4 billion dollars? Throw it out the window, according to the Hollywood Reporter

Lucas plans to quickly put the bulk of the money into a foundation which will primarily focus on educational issues, a spokesperson for Lucasfilm tells THR. 
“George Lucas has expressed his intention, in the event the deal closes, to donate the majority of the proceeds to his philanthropic endeavors.”
It’s not yet clear which foundation will get the proceeds. Lucas is currently the chairman of Edutopia, which is part of the George Lucas Educational Foundation. He could put money into that or create a new foundation which would be funded from the sale.

I mean that’s great and all, but it’s not like we need all that. I remember I was in a bar right off campus one time and I got in a argument with this snooty yacht club douche, and I showed everyone I was smarter than him and that I had read all the same books he read, and then I told him he dropped a hundred and fifty grand on a fuckin’ education he coulda’ got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the public library. AND THEN, I stole the mildly attractive girl he was after. I’m an amazing man!

George Lucas is retiring because he sucks

By brendon January 18, 2012 @ 11:46 AM

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George Lucas has had 37 producer credits over the past 20 years, and since pure greed beat up and drowned whatever artistic integrity he may have once had, 35 of them were about either Indiana Jones or Star Wars.

The rare exception is ‘Red Tails’, which opens Friday, and he tells the NY Times that “it will be his final blockbuster.” Which not only seems presumptuous, but is also not true.

“I’m retiring,” Lucas said. “I’m moving away from the business, from the company, from all this kind of stuff.”
Lucas has decided to devote the rest of his life to what cineastes in the 1970s used to call personal films. They’ll be small in scope, esoteric in subject and screened mostly in art houses.

No not really. Actually next he’ll do the exact opposite; produce and write the story for another ‘Indiana Jones’ sequel. But why not let someone else do that, perhaps someone who understands story structure, and who isn’t a complete shithead with horrible ideas. Is it just that Lucas can’t take a hint?

Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what is is.

Lucas seized control of his movies from the studios only to discover that the fanboys could still give him script notes. “Why would I make any more,” Lucas says of the “Star Wars” movies, “when everybody yells at you all the time and says what a terrible person you are?”

At first I thought that was sad, but then I remembered that Lucas had a scene where Jar Jar Binks stepped in shit, and then hopped around saying, “uuba uuba juuba” for two minutes. Now I think it’s sad that those people weren’t throwing broken bottles at him instead of simply yelling.

Speilberg blames Lucas for Indiana Jones 4 being awful

By brendon October 27, 2011 @ 12:31 PM

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Steven Spielberg has a interview in the new issue of Empire, and if you hated the idea of aliens in ‘Indiana Jones and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’, you’re in good company, because he did too.

“…I sympathise with people who didn’t like the MacGuffin because I never liked the MacGuffin. George and I had big arguments about the MacGuffin. I didn’t want these things to be either aliens or inter-dimensional beings. But I am loyal to my best friend. When he writes a story he believes in – even if I don’t believe in it – I’m going to shoot the movie the way George envisaged it. I’ll add my own touches, I’ll bring my own cast in, I’ll shoot the way I want to shoot it, but I will always defer to George as the storyteller of the Indy series. I will never fight him on that.”

Aww golly, that’s kinda touching. I can’t help but admire the way he knowingly screwed the audience by making a terrible movie just because his friend asked him too. It really inspires confidence.

(what sucks is that these two used to be great at this. no, really. here is an outstanding article about the first Indiana Jones story meetings between Spielberg, Lucas, and the great screenwriter Lawrence Kasdan. I have no idea what happened since them but i doubt Lucas could even write a note telling me he went to the store without fucking it up. ‘You needed milk and went to Area 51? What, why? That seems unreasonable.’ “

seriously, fuck you George Lucas

By brendon August 31, 2011 @ 2:40 PM

In what may be the best argument ever for illegally downloading movies, George Lucas is finally releasing all 6 Star Wars titles on blu-ray, because there’s still a few dollars for him to steal from his fans. And of course because he has no idea what he’s doing or what made the movies good to begin with, he’s also “updated” some of the scenes.

As aintitcool, via badass digest, says…

this is confirmed… yes, Vader says “No!” as he picks the Emperor up.  This is yet another change in the Original Trilogy.
It was already such a perfect moment.  As Luke, dying under the Emperor’s torrent of force lightning, calls out to his father to help him, Vader stares quietly, looks at his son, then at the Emperor, and makes his decision.  And he DOESN”T FUCKING SAY A THING.  That’s what makes it so powerful.  You could almost see the thought process behind the mask, as Vader slowly comes out of the fog of 20+ years of evil.  It’s a grand, amazing moment and the pinnacle of the trilogy, in my opinion.
And George Lucas just ruined it.

Very obviously George Lucas is a complete moron who simply lucked his way into this franchise because there were talented people around him and everything good about the first two movies were someone else’s idea that he hated but the studio made him use. I’m amazed we even still have James Earl Jones on here, and that Lucas didn’t replace him with Eddie Griffin or someone like that, so Darth Vader can say things like, “where my big girls girls at?”

Wednesday headlines, with over caffeinated Renee Zellweger

By brendon July 27, 2011 @ 1:06 PM

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AMY WINEHOUSES – dad Mitch is setting up a foundation to help people struggling with addiction. And not a moment too soon! (fox)

FRANK DARABONT – is leaving his position as show-runner on ‘The Walking Dead’. Darabont adapted the show, wrote or co-wrote all of season 1, and directed the premiere. It’s not clear if he’ll still act as executive producer or why he’s leaving. Just between us, I’m not saying he got caught fucking a baby, but I’m not not saying that either. (the wrap)

GEORGE LUCAS – lost a lawsuit he filed against the designer that created the original Stormtrooper costume, who sells replicas in England. Lucas (net worth: $3.2 billion) claimed a copyright violation and feels he should be the only one who makes any money off Star Wars, regardless of whether or not anyone else deserves too. His case was hurt when he went on the stand clutching bags with dollar signs and said, “I want all the money, me, gimmie, it’s mine, all of it!” (bbc)

RON HOWARD – directed ‘The Da Vinci Code’ and ‘Angels & Demons’, but will not direct the third Dan Brown book starring the Tom Hanks character Robert Langdon. “The first two took place in Paris and Rome, but this one is in Washington, which is a terrifying shithole,” Howard probably said. (deadline)

RENEE ZELLWEGER – was either sent on a Starbucks run yesterday or is still pee’ing right now. (image source = wenn)

Indiana Jones 5 is on the way. For some reason.

By brendon August 20, 2010 @ 3:54 PM

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Oh holy shit are we really doing this. JoBlo says…

Star Shia LaBeouf says they’ve already got a storyline mapped out for the potential project.
Says LaBeouf, “I got called into Steven’s office and he pitched a little bit to me and it sounds crazy, it sounds really cool.”
LaBeouf refused to elaborate on what the pitch for INDIANA JONES 5 involved but he added that “they’re writing the script right now.”

Well at least George Lucas hasn’t been mentioned yet. He was famously intrusive when making Indiana Jones 4, the result of which was a complete piece of shit.

Everyone pretty much agrees that the whole “Star Wars” thing was a fluke for Lucas. “Empire Strikes Back” is the only great one, and that’s the only one he didn’t write or direct, and the one he calls the worst of the six movies.

The first one was good, the second one was amazing, and the rest make no sense whatsoever. Most of “Return of the Jedi” is spent trying to disable a satellite dish on Endor that provides the force field for the new Death Star, but the god damn thing is right there, sticking up out of the trees. Just shoot it! You don’t even need radar, they don’t even hide it you can see it, just shoo-NO! NOOO, don’t send Luke, Han and Leia to shut it down by hand! That’s like you’re top three people! JESUS CHRIST, YOU HAVE LIKE 8 MILLION SPACESHIPS, IT’S THE NUMBER ONE THING YOU’RE GOOD AT, AND THAT DISH IS 40 STORIES HIGH, JUST SHOOT IT! I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU BLOW IT UP IT WILL STOP WORKING!