Actor Gerard Butler went out for a stroll in South Beach yesterday, as he was probably taking a break from making underwhelming action films by scouting for women to drunkenly pass out on top of. One woman seemed pleased to meet him, as she asked him for a quick picture in exchange for the opportunity to stare at her ass in a thong as she walked away. I’m not sure what happened next, but I’m willing to bet it involved Butler buying a bunch of drinks and then having an absurd amount of sex. Look, I don’t want to brag, but I’ve read about enough these Hollywood people to know how their minds work.
Gerard Butler busted a nut with his ass the other night on German TV, (a walnut not the 80′s euphemism for ejaculation). King Leonidas was in Krautlandia to appear on a talk show called Wetten Dass to plug Olympus Has Fallen. I don’t speak Deutsch, but from what I can gather some champion butt nutcracker shows off his skills and then the host gets Gerard to join in. Then, for some reason, Gerard is forced to pour ice into his pants and recite German. All the while the Teutons have the torches burning and remain at the ready to march on any nation with a seaport and petroleum resources to fuel their panzers. I still don’t trust the Germans. Just look what the fuck they did to Gerard Butler
Gerard Butler wants to have sex with every woman. He’s had sex with every woman. But at the premiere of his movie Olympus Has Fallen last night, he checked Ashley Judd up and down like he was plotting his specific penile point of entry. You and I couldn’t get away with this sexual visual scrubdown of Ashley Judd. But when Gerard Butler does it, it’s a compliment. We’d be slapped, most likely with a lawsuit, if not an actual hand. Gerard Butler was probably slapped with Ashley Judd’s tit in his face about two hours after the premiere was over in a penthouse suite at the Four Seasons. In short, if you’re rich and famous and good looking and have an accent, you can have whatever the fuck you want. It’s a life option to consider.
If a movie about the White House being attacked by terrorists with only one bad-ass left behind to save everyone sounds good, you’re in luck, because there’s two of those exact movies coming out soon. ‘White House Down‘ has Channing Tatum blankly starring at things while rescuing President Jamie Foxx, while the more dramatically named ‘Olympus Has Fallen’ has Gerard Butler grumbling cliches while saving President Aaron Eckhart and then sorta President Morgan Freeeman.
So now the questions are; which movie will tell the same story in a more exciting way, and if “down” and “fallen” are the code for being attacked, what would they say if the White House were to literally fall down?
Some addicts get to the point where nothing in life matters more than their next high. In the case of perpetual ass-slayer, Gerard Butler, noting could be further from the truth. Not only did he quickly squash that shit, but he was also able to simultaneously infiltrate through friendly deception and destroy a couple’s holy union. Radar reports:
Butler became involved with the actress last year and carried on an affair with her for several months. The hunky actor was actually friends with the woman and her husband before becoming sexually involved with her. “It was a very intense relationship. [She] had very strong feelings for Gerard, despite the fact that she was a newlywed at the time,
Normally, I would say “You clever bastard, you” and send him a congratulatory fruit basket, but the story also says that this chick previously ruined her first marriage by cheating with Dave Navarro, so we’re now back to waiting for Gerard to be institutionalized once again, only this time instead of painkillers, he’ll be battling what is most certainly a raging viral infection in his blood.
This morning it was reported that Gerard Butler checked himself into the Betty Ford Center to get help for an addiction to prescription painkillers, and this is either a very good sign or a very bad sign but he’s already out.
“Gerard has completed a successful course of treatment and has returned home in good health,” says the spokesperson. “We will not be making any further comment at this time.”
Butler, 42, checked himself into three weeks ago because he realized he was becoming reliant on prescription drugs after being badly injured in a surfing accident in December.
Butler’s issues reportedly date back to 2006, when he began struggling with pain management while shooting ’300′.
He also reportedly has “developed issues” with cocaine, “but his primary concern was the prescription drugs.” Which makes sense if for no other reason than Columbian drug cartels are easier to deal with than an HMO.