By Lex January 26, 2015 @ 11:16 AM
It’s a matter of opinion as to who among the group of girlfriends is the one staying home on Saturday night, but I’ll randomly bet behind the one who resembles a Tim Burton stop-motion character. Goldie Hawn insisted on accredited university degrees for the dude who slices her up on the regular. Her daughter only needs a couple toxin needles here and there. But that Corpse Bride really got the shaft. You have to believe they stitched her back together then realized there were still some pieces left on the medical tray. Like when you put together an Ikea bookshelf. You can tell yourself those three hex bolts and the half-inch screw were just drunk Swedes fucking up the count at the factory. But deep down you know that fucker is caving in one day. Now, imagine that’s your face.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Travis March 05, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
If 81-year old Kim Novak hadn’t shown up to the Academy Awards as a presenter, looking like a villain from Joel Schumacher’s horrible Batman films and struggling to get through the script on the teleprompter, more people would probably be talking about Goldie Hawn’s appearance. Or maybe not, because the 68-year old has a tendency to show up to almost everything looking like she just got out of bed and fell down a mountain of vodka bottles. For all we know, Goldie was returning to her hotel in London last night after 12 hours of feeding AIDS-stricken toddlers in a church, but I’m still going to lean towards the idea that she was getting hammered and felt up in a strip club for wealthy men over 80. She can probably still make a killing that way.
Photo Credits: Will Alexander/WENN.com
I don’t know when this page turned into some geriatric lust fetish site, but last week it was Helen Mirrens breasts, yesterday it was Kelly Ripa and her three kids(*), today it’s Goldie Hawn slipping out of her dress. It’s not as bad as you might think, but look here you daffy bitch, you’re not 20 anymore, you’re not even 60 anymore, put a GD bra on. I think a good general rule would be that anyone born while WWII was still going on needs a GD bra. And before anyone defends the way she looks – BAM. So thx to Goldie for reminding us that we all slowly turn into monsters.
(*)and yes I realize Kelly Ripa has no business being on that list but I need three or it’s not really a list now is it. image source = splash news