By Lex June 30, 2015 @ 2:03 PM
Oliver Hudson mocked his absentee bio-dad on Father’s Day by calling it Happy Abandonment Day and posting a kid picture of himself and his sister Kate Hudson and Bill Hudson who fucked Goldie Hawn at a party in 1976 and had to marry her. Their marriage lasted one more kid plus a couple months before Hudson took off for better eats down the street. Papa was a rolling stone. Following his 38-year son’s Instagram tantrum, Bill Hudson fired back with some tidbits of uncomfortable paternity:
“I say to them now, ‘I set you free,. I had five birth children but I now consider myself a father of three. I no longer recognize Oliver and Kate as my own. I would ask them to stop using the Hudson name. They are no longer a part of my life. Oliver’s Instagram post was a malicious, vicious, premeditated attack. He is dead to me now. As is Kate. I am mourning their loss even though they are still walking this earth.”
That seems like progress. You wanted a hug and you got a swift kick in the nuts. This could’ve been handled so much better with an afternoon talk show ambush. Now you’re dead to dad. That might not mean much since he missed your last thirty birthdays, but good luck getting his car for the prom.
Photo credit: Getty Images
By Lex June 18, 2015 @ 10:26 AM
Goldie Hawn seems constantly in motion. It may have something to do with what happens to her skin during standstill. She may slurry back into her periodic table elements. Hawn seems like a good mom who doesn’t judge her daughter for showing up with a different musician and a different baby every year on the family holiday. Actually maybe that’s a bad mom. You could drop a little hint like if you want to fuck lots of men, consider protection. I didn’t give you a dozen half black brothers and sisters. There is a way, darling. Now pass the surgical glue. My left ear came off during lunch.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex January 26, 2015 @ 11:16 AM
It’s a matter of opinion as to who among the group of girlfriends is the one staying home on Saturday night, but I’ll randomly bet behind the one who resembles a Tim Burton stop-motion character. Goldie Hawn insisted on accredited university degrees for the dude who slices her up on the regular. Her daughter only needs a couple toxin needles here and there. But that Corpse Bride really got the shaft. You have to believe they stitched her back together then realized there were still some pieces left on the medical tray. Like when you put together an Ikea bookshelf. You can tell yourself those three hex bolts and the half-inch screw were just drunk Swedes fucking up the count at the factory. But deep down you know that fucker is caving in one day. Now, imagine that’s your face.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Travis March 05, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
If 81-year old Kim Novak hadn’t shown up to the Academy Awards as a presenter, looking like a villain from Joel Schumacher’s horrible Batman films and struggling to get through the script on the teleprompter, more people would probably be talking about Goldie Hawn’s appearance. Or maybe not, because the 68-year old has a tendency to show up to almost everything looking like she just got out of bed and fell down a mountain of vodka bottles. For all we know, Goldie was returning to her hotel in London last night after 12 hours of feeding AIDS-stricken toddlers in a church, but I’m still going to lean towards the idea that she was getting hammered and felt up in a strip club for wealthy men over 80. She can probably still make a killing that way.
Photo Credits: Will Alexander/WENN.com
I don’t know when this page turned into some geriatric lust fetish site, but last week it was Helen Mirrens breasts, yesterday it was Kelly Ripa and her three kids(*), today it’s Goldie Hawn slipping out of her dress. It’s not as bad as you might think, but look here you daffy bitch, you’re not 20 anymore, you’re not even 60 anymore, put a GD bra on. I think a good general rule would be that anyone born while WWII was still going on needs a GD bra. And before anyone defends the way she looks – BAM. So thx to Goldie for reminding us that we all slowly turn into monsters.
(*)and yes I realize Kelly Ripa has no business being on that list but I need three or it’s not really a list now is it. image source = splash news