Kate Bosworth gets forgotten about, but she’s terrific. She’s sexy as hell, while at the same time, if she were any cuter she would technically be a panda in a cowboy hat. Gwyneth Paltrow on the other hand is a mean old bitch who looks like a ghost you would see near a Civil War graveyard.
Keeping these two indisputable facts in mind, it’s no wonder that Paltrows husband is cheating on her with Bosworth. Star magazine says…
“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” an eyewitness tells Star. “There was Chris (Martin) totally making out with Kate in front of other people. At first I thought it might be Gwyneth, but when she came up for air, it was clear the woman was Kate!”
Despite what you may have heard, sex with a pot-bellied big-toothed ghost leaves a lot to be desired. I don’t know if Martin really is cheating on Paltrow, but yes, Martin is 100 percent really cheating on Paltrow. Of course he is. Why wouldn’t he? She’s a damn monster.
(picture source = pacific coast and getty)
Gwyneth Paltrow and her kids were in Barcelona over the weekend, so look for one of her future “advice” columns to be, “go to Barcelona. It’s so charming.” As if no one had ever thought of that shit before and the reason we haven’t been vacationing there is because we were waiting for it to be Gwyneth Approved.
Her boobs seem to hate her as much as the rest of us because one of them tried to make a break for it before they all got trapped together on a plane. Luckily for everyone with eyes she was wearing a nude-colored bra, otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to hear the security guards instructions over all the terrified screaming.
(hq jump here. source = splash news online)
Brace yourself for the shock of a lifetime, but new reports are claiming Gwyneth Paltrow is a stuck up pain in the ass. Oh I know right! Fox News says…
A source says some of the “Iron Man” team had secret hopes of her character being recast, or even killed in the movie, but are resigned to the likelihood that she is locked in as the character Pepper Potts.
Gwyneth did nothing to make friends with fellow superhero Scarlett Johansson.
“Gwyneth is not friendly to anyone, and tends to make people feel awkward and uncomfortable. She wasn’t outright rude to Scarlett, she just didn’t ever speak to her. Gwyneth went out of her way to avoid Scarlett, and they had zero contact, at Gwyneth’s choosing.”
“Much of the crew didn’t mind hanging out with her husband, Chris, but if Gwyneth ever came around, they scattered! Chris is so chill and relaxed and she is just the opposite. Chris has been a crew favorite since the filming of the first movie.”
Paltrow is just jealous. Scarlett is better, hotter, younger, and in this movie that they’re both in, Gwyneth is a frumpy secretary, and Scarlett is a sexy super villain. Gwyneths only super power is the ability to make everyone wanna punch her in her stupid face.
You and Gwyneth Paltrow probably agree that Gwyneth Paltrow is an amazing woman, but now “corporate America” is on the bandwagon too, and they’re tripping all over themselves to get featured on GOOP, the website that all America is buzzing about. Gwyneth laid down some facts in this interview with People.
GOOP, Gwyneth Paltrow’s weekly newsletter is a “big success,” according to Paltrow. “It’s crazy … crazy!” Paltrow said. “I just love it. Corporate America is knocking at my door‘ … Will you hawk my product’?” The answer is clearly no for the star’s very personal project, which even derives its name from her initials G.P.
“It is really just a place to disseminate good information. People are so grateful that it’s free. It’s just nice to share what you have. And I have all this great information. It’s just a gift. People want me to do all this other stuff. But right now, I just really love doing the site.”
Let’s just put our cards on the table: none of those things are happening, no one is glad it’s free, no one wants to be on her condescending website, and everyone hates Gwyneth Paltrow. It’s why she wasn’t on the cover of EW and it’s why she wasn’t part of the “Iron Man” panel at Comic Con (video here).
More importantly, no one wants her stupid advice, because her idea of advice is telling you that Paris is lovely and a $2000 cashmere coat is comfortable. That’s not advice, that’s thinly veiled bragging. It would be like a website about my penis being enormous, and here are some shorts with generous inseams, and here are some good relaxation techniques you can try if for some reason your girlfriend can’t fit an 18-inch cock into her mouth.
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There’s a very good reason why Gwyneth Paltrow is widely considered the most annoying person in Hollywood. If you’ve forgotten what that might be, here’s her latest newsletter to talk down to you remind you.
As I write this, I am finishing the amazing three-week-long “Clean” detox program detailed below … I feel pure and happy and much lighter (I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly fun and delicious “relax and enjoy life phase” about a month ago).
A “relax and enjoy life phase”? Oh, that’s a good idea. I don’t know why I never thought of that. I need to spend summers in Spain and Paris like you recommend too. I just hope Gwyneth stays with us forever. She’s so wonderful I worry she might transform into a beam of pure radiant energy, with only her loving, omnipotent spirt to smile down on us from above.
Actors are without question the worst people on earth. Dumb, lazy, selfish, arrogant, ungrateful, and spoiled beyond belief. This post is about Gwyneth Paltrow. Try and guess if it’s good. The Sun UK says…
The claws are out on the set of Iron Man 2 with stars SCARLETT JOHANSSON and GWYNETH PALTROW going head to head.
Gwynny reckons her on-set rival is hogging the limelight and now sparks are flying between the movie’s two female leads.
“Gwyneth has become very frustrated with Scarlett. They come from different worlds and have completely different styles.”
I do not know how directors do it. Different styles? The Hollywood Walk of Fame has 2 muppets and 3 dogs on it. Meaning Paltrow has the same job as puppets and dogs, and at least 5 of them are as good or better than she is at it. Sounds easy, right?
“Gwyneth has been left exhausted by the politics and a series of strenuous scenes and and is now taking a two-week break from filming.”
Hubby CHRIS MARTIN has lavished her with love and supported her at a dinner with friends in LA.
Please remember that Gwyneth plays a secretary in this movie, and the movie is not called The Secretary Who Climbed a Mountain and Wrestled Bears. It’s Iron Man 2. Her role is to wear glasses that (*SPOILER ALERT*) are actually just clear glass and not prescription and bring in pretend cups of coffee. You can see now why she’s “exhausted”. If she has to read from an imaginary BlackBerry she might literally die.
