Gwyneth Paltrow is out promoting her new cookbook this week, and before we get to the part where she explains why some people don’t like her, here are a few quotes from the book. Maybe there will be some hints in there.

“I had my first bowl of gazpacho when I was fifteen in Spain, and the impression it made was a lasting one.”

Ahh yes, who could forget. Oh, did you not spend your summers in Spain as a teenager? Oh what a pity. You really should have.

“I grew up going to the island of Nantucket at the end of every summer.”

“The gazpacho was pedestrian, but the lobster more than made up for it.”

“I first had a version of this at a Japanese monastery during a silent retreat—don’t ask, it’s a long story.”

Oh Gwyenth you devil!

“We’ve got a wood-burning pizza oven in the garden—a luxury, I know, but it’s one of the best investments I’ve ever made.”

And of course you should only burn Rosewood imported from Brazil. For seafood dishes I like to burn wood salvaged from Spanish shipwrecks—a luxury, I know, but it really makes a difference.

Okay well my mistake, there’s nothing in her book that people could interpret to be elitist or condescending, so why does she think some people don’t like her.

(Here’s) her theory: folks are “pissed off” because she’s driven and unafraid of change, while they’re not.
“It’s easier to not change, not do something good for you, not work on your relationship, not make yourself a meal, not work out,” she tells PopEater. “Everything in my life that’s good is because I worked my ass off to get it and to maintain it.”

Well there you have it. If you’re not a millionaire like she is, it’s because you’re lazy. With a little effort they could have had parents who are are Hollywood royalty and their godfather Steven Spielberg would have given them their first role. When Gwyeth Paltrow started acting, she had nothing but 10 million dollars, connections, and a dream. It really is an inspiring story.

I know some people who have worked with Gwyneth Paltrow and they say she’s delightful but that seems impossible to believe. Because she’s a complete cunt, delusional and arrogant beyond all comprehension.

The latest proof: on her website GOOP, Paltrow, who is worth 90 million dollars and got married in a castle, has advice for “other extremely busy working mothers.” Yes that said “other”. Because that’s what she considers herself. And just like all working moms, after she drops her kids at school…

Did dance aerobics for 45 minutes then all of the butt lifts and the like. Rushed upstairs to have a shower, doing my post workout stretch while the conditioner was doing its magic on my hair to combine activities/save time. Dressed quickly and rushed downstairs.

Her day is essentially filled with stuff like that. The stuff that real working moms do when not at work or being a mom. The stuff they have to squeeze into one hour on the weekend is Paltrows entire life, but she’s here to tell them how to do it. Because they don’t know. They need tips from Gwyneth Paltrow.

I’m honestly shocked that she isn’t punched in the face at least once every time she leaves the house.

Gwyneth Paltrow performed live at the Country Music Awards last night, singing the title track from her upcoming movie Country Strong, and to be fair, she wasn’t bad. It wasn’t great but it could have been way worse. It could have been Ke$ha.