Tuesday morning headlines

By brendon January 04, 2011 @ 12:26 PM


GWYNETH PALTROW – suffered from postpartum depression after giving birth to her son Moses in 2006. “I just thought it meant I was a terrible mother and a terrible person.” And fat, Gwyneth, let’s not forget about fat. (people)

SANDRA BULLOCK AND RYAN REYNOLDS – spent New Years Eve together in Austin. And then he gave it to her in the ass. Maybe. I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t read the whole thing. (people)

BEN AFFLECK – is being mentioned as a possible Oscar nominee for directing the Town, which is surprising because that movie wasn’t very good. (variety)

KANYE WEST – wore this ridiculous, and real, fur coat in NYC yesterday, and it’s kind of weird that rappers and old white women have such similar taste. They both like furs and track suits and gaudy gold jewelry. Represent, yo.

Glee made fun of Lindsay Lohan and Dina doesnt like it

By brendon November 17, 2010 @ 4:47 PM

Last night on Glee, Gwyneth Paltrow played a substitute Spanish teacher who tries to relate to the students by working Lindsay Lohan references into her lesson plan. Specifically about what a screw-up she is, by asking things like, “how many times has Lindsay been to rehab?”

Needless to say Lindsay’s mom is livid over this outrageous slander.

Lindsay Lohan’s mom and siblings think “Glee” was shameful for mocking Lindsay on the show last night … this according to sources connected to Dina and the kids.
 We’re told Dina is saying, “Shame on them,” and the family feels it was “tasteless.”

To recap, Dina raised this punk ass Lindsay, who has been in jail 4 times (mugshots!) and rehab 5 times by the age of 24, and yet she’s the one acting outraged. Holy Christ, people make fun of Michael Lohan, but, simply the fact that he didn’t punch Dina in the face 5 times a day makes me think he’s some kind of saint.

Gwyneth Paltrow is a country singer now

By brendon November 11, 2010 @ 11:38 AM

Gwyneth Paltrow performed live at the Country Music Awards last night, singing the title track from her upcoming movie Country Strong, and to be fair, she wasn’t bad. It wasn’t great but it could have been way worse. It could have been Ke$ha.

STFU Gwyneth Paltrow

By brendon October 08, 2010 @ 11:02 AM


Gwyneth Paltrow, who is the daughter of Tony Award winning actress Blythe Danner and Emmy Award winning producer Bruce Paltrow, got her big break in 1990 when she was cast as Wendy Darling in ‘Hook’. Which was directed by Steven Spielberg. Who is Gwyneths godfather. They also spend every Thanksgiving together.

But over in Fantasyland (Population: 1), Gywneth tells Elle magazine she was nothing but a piece of meat in her early days as an actress, with pervert producers practically forcing her into prostitution.

Q. Have you ever had a casting-couch experience?
A. Yup. When I was just starting out, someone suggested that we finish a meeting in the bedroom. I left. I was pretty shocked. I could see how someone who didn’t know better might worry, “My career will be ruined if I don’t give this guy a blow job!”

Granted, this is what Paltrow looked like sort of naked back then, and I would have tried to make her blow me too, but when this bitch “was just starting out”, her parents best friend, who happens to be the biggest director in the world, just went ahead and put her in a massively popular movie. Don’t act like you had it hard, cunt. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with the casting couch. Unless you work at Sea World. Then it gets a little weird.

paltrow cant compete with kate bosworth

By brendon November 03, 2009 @ 4:39 PM


Kate Bosworth gets forgotten about, but she’s terrific. She’s sexy as hell, while at the same time, if she were any cuter she would technically be a panda in a cowboy hat. Gwyneth Paltrow on the other hand is a mean old bitch who looks like a ghost you would see near a Civil War graveyard.

Keeping these two indisputable facts in mind, it’s no wonder that Paltrows husband is cheating on her with Bosworth. Star magazine says…

“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” an eyewitness tells Star. “There was Chris (Martin) totally making out with Kate in front of other people. At first I thought it might be Gwyneth, but when she came up for air, it was clear the woman was Kate!”

Despite what you may have heard, sex with a pot-bellied big-toothed ghost leaves a lot to be desired. I don’t know if Martin really is cheating on Paltrow, but yes, Martin is 100 percent really cheating on Paltrow. Of course he is. Why wouldn’t he? She’s a damn monster.

(picture source = pacific coast and getty)

gwyneth paltrow is tricky

By brendon September 08, 2009 @ 12:42 PM


Gwyneth Paltrow and her kids were in Barcelona over the weekend, so look for one of her future “advice” columns to be, “go to Barcelona. It’s so charming.” As if no one had ever thought of that shit before and the reason we haven’t been vacationing there is because we were waiting for it to be Gwyneth Approved.

Her boobs seem to hate her as much as the rest of us because one of them tried to make a break for it before they all got trapped together on a plane. Luckily for everyone with eyes she was wearing a nude-colored bra, otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to hear the security guards instructions over all the terrified screaming.

(hq jump here. source = splash news online)