Give Kendall Jenner Her Fucking Booze Already

By Lex August 11, 2014 @ 1:50 PM

Hailey-Baldwin-and-Kendall-Jenner

Everybody knows that slogan about how ridiculous it is that you can go to war at eighteen but you can’t legally get a drink. That’s nothing compared to being an eighteen year old growing up in the Kardashian cat house. You deserve a fucking cocktail. But Mercer Kitchen in New York doesn’t understand droit moral and told Kendall Jenner and her little buddy Hailey Baldwin they couldn’t get booze with their lunch. So Kendall and Hailey took off without paying their tab. They don’t need that shit. Age is just a number. And if you times Kendall’s age by two and add three zeroes you know what number it costs to bone her for an evening.

The stiffed waitress just wanted her tab so she took off after the girls into the street:

Kendall and Hailey started laughing. Kendall took a couple of $20 bills out of her wallet, threw them at the server and walked away, not even counting if it was enough or if it included a tip.

Representatives for both girls who are paid to say it was all a misunderstanding came out and said it was all a misunderstanding. I wish they could’ve been honest and said it’s the height of inanity that an eighteen year old whose been on the pill and watching her entire family fuck rappers since age twelve can’t get a simple fucking vodka tonic at lunch. Kendall’s lifelong battle with alcoholism is starting with or without your help. So why not help?

Photo credit: Splash News

Stephen Baldwin Took His Girls To See Noah

By Travis March 27, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Occasional actor and possible human/duck hybrid Stephen Baldwin attended the premiere of Noah in New York City last night, and as always he was with his model daughters, Alaia and Hailey. Like his brother, Alec Baldwin, Stephen is very supportive of his daughters as they pursue their modeling careers, and that, coupled with the fact that he doesn’t have anything else to do, is why he spent a lot of time at New York’s Fashion Week last month. But deep down, Stephen is just trying to be a good dad and help his girls navigate an industry filled with people who will constantly try to take advantage of them. With his help, they can both have long and successful careers, so they can afford to help him live this lifestyle that he became accustomed to before he became irrelevant in show business.

Photo Credits: Getty

Kylie Jenner And Hailey Baldwin Elated

By Lex March 21, 2014 @ 3:49 PM

Kylie Jenner And Hailey Baldwin Hang Out In Bikinis
You won’t believe what happens next when two high school dropout models hear Chao Lin-Kuo confirm the Cosmic Inflation Theory for retired Professor Andrei Linde. Yeah, I don’t know, they went shopping or some shit.

Photo Credit: Hailey Baldwin, Kylie Jenner/Instagram

Stephen Baldwin Is Pretty Proud Of His DNA

By Travis August 27, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Ever since Alec Baldwin’s daughter, Ireland, became really famous for posting jailbait “modeling” photos of herself on Instagram, Stephen Baldwin has been trying to remind everyone that he also has a somewhat attractive teenage daughter. He even took Hailey Rhode Baldwin to the New York City premiere of One Direction: This Is Us last night, probably because he was under the impression that one of those rich British kids was going to be there and he could try to set them up on a date.

“You kids should go out for some pop and pizza,” he’d say with a smile while poking holes in some condoms and shoving them into her purse, before turning to the paparazzi and winking. That Stephen Baldwin is a regular father of the year.

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Hailey Baldwin In A Bikini

By Lex June 25, 2013 @ 11:59 AM

Hailey Baldwin In A Bikini At The Beach In Miami
Hailey Baldwin is the offspring of Stephen Baldwin. Stephen holds the honor of being the craziest of the Baldwin brothers. Stephen made a good move seventeen years ago, about the same time he made Hailey. He’s spent the time since largely preaching the Gospel on his skateboard, ruining himself financially, and delving deeper into the Baldwin family nutso gene. Now he’s got a hot seventeen year old daughter running around in a bikini. That ought to provide him some serenity.

Hailey Baldwin is not to be confused with her more successful blond seventeen year old cousin Ireland Baldwin. The two of whom are engaging in fake online catfights in some kind of jailbait fantasy sequence come to life.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, WENN