Justin Bieber Begs To Be Roasted

By Lex January 22, 2015 @ 9:33 AM

Hailey Baldwin Bares Midriff While Out On Date With Justin Bieber
Justin Bieber reached out from his pit of despair and Ferraris to Comedy Central to ask to be roasted on their recurring celebrity takedown specials. Most people agree to go on the roast because it’s great publicity and shows you can take lots of dick jokes about yourself. Justin Bieber wants the barbs to prove to the world he’s changed. According to every press release put out by his public relations team, he has truly changed. For one, he’s no longer short. Also, he’s cut back on the whores and picking fights and ordering his body guards to beat people down. He hasn’t challenged anybody to a jet race and then laughed when they said they had no jet in over a month. He’s maintaining a new serious face in public. And ordering Stephen Baldwin’s teen daughter to do the same when feeding her after sex. He certainly does seem different. Still, when you look over at Bieber after a solid midget joke and see him gritting his baby teeth, just know Jeffrey Ross that you probably have less than 48 hours to live.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Splash

Justin Bieber Defiling Stephen Baldwin’s Daughter

By Lex December 29, 2014 @ 9:45 AM

Justin Bieber Covers His Face While Walking With Hailey Baldwin In NYC
Nothing says your work with the Lord isn’t being properly rewarded on Earth as when your eighteen year old daughter is taking the Bieber peen. Maybe Stephen Baldwin takes it as a test of faith. Like when the tax authorities come to your door with handcuffs because Jesus told you render zilch unto Caesar. If I found out that twat was taking my teen daughter on his jet to shmear at altitude I’d find murder in my heart. Little people go missing all the time.

Photo Credit: INF

Hailey Baldwin Dances In A Bra (VIDEO)

By Lex December 09, 2014 @ 12:27 PM

Hailey Baldwin Dances In A Bra For Love Magazine Advent Calendar
Hailey Baldwin is best friends with the model formerly known as Kendall Jenner so they let her show off her tits as well for the Love magazine calendar. I don’t think it’s actually a calendar so much as a series of videos of teenaged girls being spanked or flashing skin or dancing around motel rooms like they are dim-witted and bored. Which couldn’t possibly describe Hailey Baldwin. Who cares. She’s eighteen now and unless her dad rides by on his skateboard punching you in the name of Jesus the Savior, you might as well check out his daughter on a bare mattress experiencing her Ghosts of Christmas Future.

Photo Credit: Love Magazine

Hailey Baldwin Enjoys A Lollipop

By Lex November 03, 2014 @ 8:43 AM

Hailey Baldwin Enjoys A Lollipop While Walking Out In NYC
For most kids, that long wait to eighteen is like chalking the walls in the penitentiary marking the days until release. Out of high school, no more teachers, no more rules, leaving the nest and all that shit. For teen model celebrity offspring it’s just wandering the streets of New York in designer wear until the rest of the world can magically treat them as sexual objects. These bored high school dropouts who go to cooler parties and do better drugs than you. Hailey Baldwin turns eighteen in three weeks. I hope she has more lollipops.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Give Kendall Jenner Her Fucking Booze Already

By Lex August 11, 2014 @ 1:50 PM

Hailey-Baldwin-and-Kendall-Jenner

Everybody knows that slogan about how ridiculous it is that you can go to war at eighteen but you can’t legally get a drink. That’s nothing compared to being an eighteen year old growing up in the Kardashian cat house. You deserve a fucking cocktail. But Mercer Kitchen in New York doesn’t understand droit moral and told Kendall Jenner and her little buddy Hailey Baldwin they couldn’t get booze with their lunch. So Kendall and Hailey took off without paying their tab. They don’t need that shit. Age is just a number. And if you times Kendall’s age by two and add three zeroes you know what number it costs to bone her for an evening.

The stiffed waitress just wanted her tab so she took off after the girls into the street:

Kendall and Hailey started laughing. Kendall took a couple of $20 bills out of her wallet, threw them at the server and walked away, not even counting if it was enough or if it included a tip.

Representatives for both girls who are paid to say it was all a misunderstanding came out and said it was all a misunderstanding. I wish they could’ve been honest and said it’s the height of inanity that an eighteen year old whose been on the pill and watching her entire family fuck rappers since age twelve can’t get a simple fucking vodka tonic at lunch. Kendall’s lifelong battle with alcoholism is starting with or without your help. So why not help?

Photo credit: Splash News

Stephen Baldwin Took His Girls To See Noah

By Travis March 27, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Occasional actor and possible human/duck hybrid Stephen Baldwin attended the premiere of Noah in New York City last night, and as always he was with his model daughters, Alaia and Hailey. Like his brother, Alec Baldwin, Stephen is very supportive of his daughters as they pursue their modeling careers, and that, coupled with the fact that he doesn’t have anything else to do, is why he spent a lot of time at New York’s Fashion Week last month. But deep down, Stephen is just trying to be a good dad and help his girls navigate an industry filled with people who will constantly try to take advantage of them. With his help, they can both have long and successful careers, so they can afford to help him live this lifestyle that he became accustomed to before he became irrelevant in show business.

Photo Credits: Getty