03.05.2010 sean penn is whiny lying bitch

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Sean Penn is throwing another hissy fit today because he pouts like a little girl if everyone doesn’t kiss his ass 24 hours a day. The new temper tantrum is about his heroic efforts in Haiti. He says he went down there and was a benevolent angel of mercy, and if you dare question the amazing Sean Penn about how amazing Sean Penn is, then he hopes you “die screaming of rectal cancer.”

…some have argued that celebs like Penn should stay out of aid efforts, insisting that stars use tragedy merely to rebuild their public image.
But in an interview this weekend on CBS News’ Sunday Morning, Penn says he ignores the negative chatter.
“I guess I’ve been so away from it all– and our tent camp in Haiti that I haven’t had an awful lot of time to pay attention to them,” he says. “You know, do I hope that those people die screaming of rectal cancer? Yeah. You know, but I’m not going to spend a lot of energy on it.”

The problem here is that Sean Penn lies his ass off constantly. He lied about the stuff he did in New Orleans during Katrina, so why the hell would anyone believe similar stories about Haiti.

Penn told Larry King he arrived in New Orleans on day 4 (says it right here). He stresses the point several times. In reality he got there on day 7. Katrina hit New Orleans on August 29th. Here’s a Rolling Stone article written on September 2nd that says Penn leaves for New Orleans “tomorrow.” He got into New Orleans around midnight on the 3rd. The picture above was taken on the 4th, his only day there.

Day 4 was when the first 6,500 national guard troops arrived in New Orleans. On day 5 the first emergency supplies arrived. By the time Penn got there on day 7, the National Guard troops had grown to 27,000 and the Coast Guard had rescued 15,665 people. Even the Superdome had been evacuated by then. Big difference between day 4 and day 7.

He told King, “we were able to just get a boat out in the water and help people out of the water, and go back out and do it again. So it was kind of a no-brainer, and kind of shamefully so, because there should have been more support there.”

27,000 troops. 15,000 rescues. But he wouldn’t look as cool if he said, “By the time I left the Four Seasons hotel in Houston (seriously) there wasn’t much to do,” so he changes things around to make himself more heroic.

He also told King, “We had a lot of people that were not willing to get on a boat and get out.”

Oh there’s a fuckin surprise. Let’s say a guy with greasy hair and a bad mustache pulls up to you and he’s not a cop and yet he’s holding a shotgun and has a bulletproof vest and the boat didn’t as much “pull up” as it did “scrape along the street because it was in 5 inches of water” and he’s telling you he wants to take you somewhere. Does that look like someone here to help? Or does it look like someone who says “nigger” a lot and thinks no one will notice one more dead body.

02.26.2010 sean penn (and his red cup?) save more lives

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After Hurricane Katrina turned New Orleans into Atlantis on August 29th of 2005, Sean Penn and his red cup arrived to save the day. And by “after”, I mean on September 4th, when the water had gone done and things were under control.

He was only there for 9 hours, wore a bulletproof vest (the only one who did, btw) and almost immediately began to sink, but the photographer he brought documented it all as he was “pulling people out of the water”. Really short people apparently, since there was only about 8 inches of water left by the time he got there (picture).

Now he’s moved on to save Haiti. And, surprise, he’s doing it according to him!

Penn traveled 90 minutes outside Port-au-Prince to rescue a woman and child trapped in the rubble caused by an aftershock. Once he freed them, he reportedly drove them to the University of Miami hospital camp and is staying with them until they have a safe place to go.

Sean Penn has really inspired me. Not to go save people in Haiti, but to say that I did. Hey, did you guys here I saved some people in Haiti? There was an aftershock, and people were trapped, and I took a dozen old cars and built a robot that I call Carzilla and lifted the building up and threw it into the ocean. I’m a hero too!


01.29.2010 john travolta is tricky

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Earlier this week John Travolta and Scientology fixed Haiti when Travolta, who is an actor from Hollywood(!), loaded up his Boeing 707 and personally delivered enough shaman and copies of ‘Dianetics’ to fix the troubled island once and for all. But even though everything is better now, he told Us.com that the trip was one of the most grueling chapters of his life.

Luckily for him that chapter only has one page, because as the Daily Mail said at the time…

Travolta flew from Florida with his wife Kelly Preston as impatience with food distribution sparked a small riot … After dropping his consignment of aid and Scientologists, Travolta returned to the U.S.

Wow that trip to the airport really fucked him up. Good thing he didn’t have to return a rental car or he might have killed himself.

01.27.2010 britney has solved the haiti crisis

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The United States now has 20,000 troops in Haiti to distribute food, water and medical supplies to those effected by the earthquake, but there’s still a need for more of basically everything. Except for a silver Versace dress. They’re good on those.

BRITNEY SPEARS has agreed to donate her favourite dress to raise funds for the relief effort in earthquake-ravaged Haiti.
The frock she’s parting with is the silver Versace gown she wore for her high-profile comeback appearance at the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards.

Donating a used dress that you’ll never wear again and didn’t pay for in the first place may not seem like the most amazing act of generosity, but keep in mind that Britney probably doesn’t even know what Haiti is. She probably thinks the dress is going to Pandora. “I saw on the TV, the tree where they lived, they lived in this big tree and it was on fire, and then it fell down, and the people they was all blue. I guess cuz they was sad about the tree.”


01.26.2010 john travolta has solved the haiti crisis

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The bad news is that the airport in Haiti can only handle 130 flights a day, so it’s been hard to get all the supplies and experts needed to help those effected by the earthquake. The good news is that one of the planes landing today was from Hollywood, and it was filled with the healing power of Scientology.

John Travolta has flown aid supplies to Haiti in his own Boeing 707 to bolster disaster relief efforts of his Scientology group.
Dressed in yellow T-shirts, they use a process called ‘assist’ in which the power of touch is said to reconnect nervous systems shaken by trauma.
The group, which critics say is a cult doing little more than glorified massage, has received a mixed reaction to the light ‘touching’, through clothing and bandages, of fractures and infection.

You might think that an army of people who can heal the sick just by touching them would be a bigger story, maybe the biggest story of the past thousand years, but it’s not. The miraculous claims are true, obviously, but not very interesting. That’s why no one talks about it. I’m surprised they even mentioned it here.

01.26.2010 miranda kerr > haiti

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There’s a lot of talk these days about the people of Haiti and how we need to help them, but these pictures may blow the lid off that scam. Miranda Kerr is on a Caribbean island just like the people of Haiti are, and just like them she barely has any clothes, but you don’t see her complaining. She’s making the best of it. Looks like Haiti has a lot of growing up to do.

(source = inf daily and fame)