Halle Berry Has to Support Her Baby Daddy

By Lex June 11, 2014 @ 4:57 PM

Halle-Berry-and-Gabriel-Aubrey-and-Nahla
The day women started getting into the ‘I’ll bang hot young models because I can’ game is the day they opened themselves up for all the shit that comes after. Like Halle Berry being ordered to pay $200K a year in support to the French Canadian dude she boned until she got knocked up and realized she didn’t want to spend forever with a male model. The monthly checks aren’t meant to cover the cologne and ear muff purchases of Gabriel Aubry, they’re meant to assist Gabriel in having a not so shitty home so when their joint kid comes to visit dad she won’t be living without nannies and high thread count sheets and organic gluten free living oatmeal. This just in case the lucrative hand modeling and shaving commercial gigs slow down. In short, Frenchie gets to live off the kid. Nahla. It’s Swahili for gift. Just like Daddy done got.

Photo credit: Splash News

Crazy Suing Crazy To Sell a TV Show

By Jack March 21, 2014 @ 12:38 PM

A¬† homeless woman named Jo Anne Vandegriff came up with an interesting way to get a pitch meeting¬†: suing Amanda Bynes. The wannabe TV producer wasn’t having any luck getting a meeting at Disney to pitch her Civil War romance series, you know, because she’s a fucking crazy homeless woman without a condescending prick of an agent. So, she figured that the best way to get everyone she wanted to pitch to in the same room was to sue them. Amanda Bynes, Armie Hammer, Halle Berry, and Disney were all invited via subpoena to listen to her delightful tale of antebellum love. Why the fuck she thought the Lone Ranger, Catwoman, and carpet glue licking Amanda Bynes would be interested in her crazy shit is unknown. The case will probably be thrown out before she gets to pitch. But you have to wonder if her idea could be any worse than the shit that’s already on TV. I hear these kinds of crazy fucking rants homeless people spew and some of them would make great TV. One guy yelled out to a subway car I was in the other day, “The government is trying to control my brain with a radio in my dick.” I’d watch that show.

Halle Berry Looks Good After Yet Another Euro Model Baby

By Lex January 30, 2014 @ 4:13 PM

Halle Berry Shows Off Her Cleavage At The Acapulco Film Festival In Mexico
I can’t remember which swarthy looking European man is the dad of Halle Berry’s latest kid, but as always Halle looks ready to make more after just having this one. Getting Halle pregnant isn’t the hard part, it’s the near medically impossible part. But they said that at forty and at fifty, and they’ll probably saw it again when Halle loads up with child again at sixty. Nobody bothers to make those cliche comment about how when her kids are graduating high school Halle Berry will be using a walker. Because you know even behind her walker there will be a dozen high school boys lined up begging to raw dog her. She’s got good genes.

Photo Credit: Getty

Halle Berry Is Very Pregnant

By Lex August 05, 2013 @ 5:37 PM

Halle Berry Shows Off Her Growing Belly After Lunching In Brentwood
Halle Berry is very pregnant by way of whomever the current Euro-model she’s now dating. I have a sneaking suspicion that she likes everybody knowing she’s pregnant. And not just because Halle’s bravely proving that rich women can have unnecessarily high risk pregnancies at nearly any age now. But also the clothes. There was no designer wardrobe for pregnant moms back in the 60′s when Halle first became sexually active. She looks fabulous. She deserves this baby.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin

Halle Berry Ships Her Daughter Overseas

By Lex May 28, 2013 @ 12:42 PM

Halle Berry Takes Her Daughter Nahla To Get A Passport In Los Angeles
It’s kind of a sad day, but you knew it had to come. Halle Berry took her daughter Nahla to FedEx to get her passport picture. With the new baby on the way by the next temperamental male model, it’s time to ship the five year old reminder of the last guy off somewhere overseas. Remember, Nahla, mommy still loves you. Now take a deep breath and get in the fucking box.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN

Halle Berry Pregnant Because Why the Fuck Not

By Lex April 05, 2013 @ 2:23 PM

I’m not sure Halle Berry realizes that while a number of her parts are fresh from the factory this decade, her babymaker is still a natural 46. But somehow, she and her pretty Euro boy actor and model boyfriend got a baby in there and it’s going to become a kid, according to TMZ. You could expect this to go slightly better than the last time Halle was 40+ and gave birth to a baby by a pretty boy model. I love a game of pretend too.