Last night was The 85th Annual Academy Awards and I’m completely ashamed to say I watched the entire thing. To sum it up, Seth MacFarlane did surprisingly not shitty, Jennifer Lawrence fell down, the Best Director winner was bullshit, Ben Affleck got snubbed, then didn’t and George Clooney kept getting free scotch thrown at him for smiling every time someone joked he banged and/or will bang somebody like nine-year-old Quvenzhané Wallis (Actual Seth MacFarlane joke.) who already had to deal with Daniel Day Lewis demanding she thank him backstage. This shouldn’t fuck a kid up.
(Images of celebs who showed up to last night’s Oscars with varying degrees of cleavage or dumb-looking faces = Getty)
Police now feel that Halle Berrys ex Gabriel Aubry was actually the instigator in the fight between him and Halles fiancé Oliver Martinez, but Martinez is French so I still feel justified in not liking him. She doesn’t really sweat the details, though.
Gabriel Aubry won’t be charged with a crime after he was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery for fighting with Berry’s fiance Olivier Martinez on Thanksgiving morning.
The reason: Berry and Martinez feel it would not be in the best interest of Berry and Aubry’s four-year-old daughter, Nahla.
Instead, Aubry is expected to agree to anger management courses.
Ahhh, I should have known the so-called “victim” was lying to get back at his ex! It’s the Jerry Sandusky trial all over again!
Halle Berry and her fiancé Oliver Martinez have offered to pay whatever medical and legal fees Gabriel Aubry might accrue as a result of Martinez beating the shit out of Aubry last week for no apparent reason, but please don’t think this means Martinez did anything wrong. Oh heavens no.
“The settlement that was reached between Halle and Gabe in the aftermath of his arrest for allegedly getting into a fight with Olivier Martinez, includes an agreement that the couple will pay for the Canadian model’s legal and medical bills. Without admitting ANY guilt, Olivier agreed to pay for Gabe’s medical bills because he suffered the brunt of the injuries from the fight,” a source close to the situation tells Radar exclusively.
Oh ok. So Martinez won’t admit to starting the fight, that must mean Aubry started it, and now Martinez wants to help sue himself and pay his attackers medical bills. It makes perfect sense. In a related story, Casey Anthonys ghost daughter led her to some buried treasure.
Gabriel Aubry is a handsome model, or art least he was before bringing his daughter to her moms house 5 days ago on Thanksgiving (her mom being Halle Berry). At that point, Halles fiancé, French actor Oliver Martinez, gave thanks for having a concrete driveway to slam Gabriels face into.
‘Movie 43’ is actually 25 short films, so it’s not really a movie, or the number 43, but it stars essentially everyone with a SAG card, including Halle Berry, Emma Stone, Anna Faris, Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Naomi Watts, Chloë Grace Moretz, Gerard Butler as a leprechaun, Stephen Merchant, Kate Bosworth and Elizabeth Banks, and they all do horrible things. Except for Emma Stone sucking off a hobo disguised as a wizard. If Kieran Culkin has a better plan to get magic beans, I’d love to hear it. It’s easy to sit back and criticize after the fact Kieran.
(clip might be nsfw due to a brief clip of tits and naomi watts calling her son a fuckface among other things. your call.)
Today has been incredibly unsexy, and it’s not that I forgot to post these bikini pictures of Halle Berry in Malibu earlier this week, it’s that I was waiting for just the right moment so that everything would be perfect. And that moment is right now.
Ok fine I forgot. Get off your high horse, Mr. Perfect!